Disability Social Workers

[OoopsOhNo]

When you have a severely disabled child, you are eligible for a bit of respite. If you need anything above the bare minimum level of respite, you usually need a social worker.

What this means, in some areas, is even if you have done nothing "wrong" as a parent, to get any rest you need to:

• Agree to be on a Child in Need plan (and go to meetings)
• "Safety score" your family at every CiN meeting, and believe it or not there is a right answer as '8' means you don't get services and '5' is child protection enquiry. Professionals also score you.
• There is a note at the bottom of the CiN that says although it is voluntary, if you "disengage" the LA can choose to step it up to a Child Protection matter.
• Agree to visits of your home (usually every 6 weeks) and you have to show them your child's bedroom. There is also a little box on their forms which asks if they have seen the child alone.
• Tell every hospital you take your child to that they have a social worker.
• The schools treat you differently (sometimes there is a big advantage to this, for example our schools remained open during strikes to children with social workers) but sometimes it comes with an extra level of sort of concealed monitoring that you can tell is safeguarding tick boxes.
• They haven't with us, but they can and do make comments about parenting which wouldn't meet the normal "thresholds" for intervention. I know MN always says Social Care don't have time for this, but perhaps there is an exception for people already open to them?? I have several friends who have experienced this.

I hate it. It is completely humiliating and it makes me just want to run away from it all (which of course we can't because we have a social worker...) Now, I understand some of the reasons - in theory - why it's like this (disabled children are particularly vulnerable to abuse) but it also feels like using a risk factor to exert coercive control over parents who happen to have had a disabled child.

I also know many parents who don't ask for extra respite because they don't want this.

AIBU to think it shouldn't be like this?

Yes … “performance parents” sums it up perfectly.
Really hope you can get help you need, especially important for you and other children you might have.
So much of what has been written here resonates with my experience, plus ExH had two affairs

How, would it work otherwise?
Someone has to assess and allocate resources
Tick the boxes filll the forms etc
Most disability sw have been fine problem is they move on so quickly
Not signing up and no respite is ok if you can pay yourself mostly people cannot plus there do need to be some checks

@CoffeeWithCheese omg your brother checking your kids' rooms!!!!

@cansu was this some time ago and what was the level of respite? If we take few days a year playscheme/ short breaks we don't have to do the hoops, but if parents in our area require more regular respite the process is the same for everyone. I know not all areas are the same but from the thread seems like there are a few that are.

I often think that other parents of typically developing children wouldn't accept this, at all. If you take risk factors for example - poverty or having children under 1 are both risk factors for abuse but can you imagine if everyone who was poor or had a newborn baby had to submit to this, just in case they might be abusive?

@OoopsOhNo thanks for starting this thread, I am finding it enlightening. My own teen DD is blind and is diagnosed with ADHD, autism and binge eating disorder) as well as other conditions (we could fill an A-Z compendium). DD is violent , aggressive, angry and hostile but my LA prides itself on not ‘putting children into respite care’. AKA would rather sabotage a family and have to spend £6K a week on foster or residential care than put its hands in its pockets for a few quid per week on respite care. DD is about to go back on a CIN plan (a neighbour dialled 999 after hearing her having a massive meltdown and physically threatening and attacking her younger sister and I). We have been here before; the SWs will visit when the computer says and they will always find spotless bedding on her bed as I am a functioning adult and parent who just happens to be doing my best to manage a child who struggles with life and society. I hear you.

My son has no school place as no school can meet need. But I have CIN meetings at my house or zoom. I can't attend them in person because I have to care for my child.

But I agree with you is invasive. We took ages to get a disability SW and I must say the disability one is better than the ones assessing my parenting saying "good parent we have no role so no help offered".

It comes down to how much you need the help. I'm desperate so will do anything

@EmmatheStageRat we're waiting for the day someone calls 999, luckily our neighbours know our situation but we have had them knock on the door to check we're OK.

Why did you come off the CiN?

My son has severe needs. We have respite in the form of 2 PA'S that take him out and a pb. We do have a named sw but our LA have said we advocate too well for him and therefore don't require cin intervention. We only see the sw when we need to tweak things.

It's a double edged sword as when we need support in meetings etc we don't get it. When we went to tribunal a couple of years ago we requested that the tribunal looked at social care too (under the trial at the time). The LA assigned us a sw who raised issues with us. Funnily enough when the tribunal was agreed we went back to not requiring intervention and support from a sw.

I know many families who have been accused of fii when trying to get support for their disabled child.

@EmmatheStageRat - hear you too.

@PurpleBugz I hear you, same situation here re school...

@Cubic we don't have the option of no CiN :(

@cestlavielife I can imagine a social care assessment which doesn't require bedroom checks and CiN meetings/plans/visits - they do manage in adult social care ...

Sorry I wasn't clear with my post. As with everything else with our kids it's money saving. All the parents who won't go through this because of the intrusion save the LA ££££££££. Then there is the threat of how you will be judged. It's disgusting and I really feel for you.

I was a social worker with disabled young adults. I resigned. I got so sick of just being a form-filler and pen-pusher and having to make people who were already in stressful and sad situations jump through a succession of hoops whose main purpose was not assessing need (as purported) but making sure that the LA did not have to shell out for anything.

There is no concern for the emotional aspects of all this - how must it feel for a parent of a loved child to have to sign a form to say they cannot cope with them unaided? I left one home and wrote my resignation there and then - I had told the powers that be that we needed to tread carefully with one family as they had recently lost another child in a road accident - to have to say that you cannot cope with another of their children was deeply distressing. I advised against putting them through the full assessment process and that we should simply believe the evidence of our eyes (the teenage child under assessment was virtually helpless physically). I was told: no assessment signed, then no help. The mother broke down completely during the assessment as I had predicted she would. That is not what I went into social work for.

I had no integrity left and all my care and concern for those in difficulties counted for nothing, nor did my years of professional experience in the field.

I am sorry to hear that nothing has changed.

Dsd's social worker was amazing, she coordinated complex care and education arrangements then passed her over to adult social services at 18. They didn't question dp (and ex wife) once about parenting only praising them.

Perhaps it depends a long on the nature of the disability, the fact you mention parenting makes me think it might be different if the child has behaviour issues? Dsd has a genetic disorder from birth, she's a lovely young adult but 24/7 care

Thank you. It’s so refreshing to be heard and understood.

We have the complete opposite experience, we have had a disabled social worker since
for
9 years
we get 50
hours respite a week and 0
visits from a social worker unless I ring and need to see her for whatever reason.

It started around ten years ago so maybe things have changed. I agree though that what you have described is very intrusive. I wasn't comfortable asking for help from SS either and held off as long as I could. In the end ds's needs were so severe that no one could have lived with him without outside support so I had to do it. The cynic in me suggests the process you describe is why it might be done! There is no reason whatsoever to need to inspect someone's home and give scores for safeguarding because a disabled child needs respite.

@OoopsOhNo it was totally shocking when the police turned up with sirens and blue lights, very late at night. Poor DD2 and I were sat in the sitting room, completing jigsaws, while DD1 raged in her bedroom. The two officers examined every inch of my home, possibly looking for drugs/alcohol? Ironically, while the police officers were talking to my younger daughter and I about what had happened, DD1 performed a miracle and turned her bedroom from a version of the local tip into something that could have been featured in a homes magazine. I was like this 🤭.

My neighbour is a very disagreeable person and I really do not want to give them further ammunition by sharing private information about my children.

Children’s services took my DD off a CIN plan without any consultation. Honestly, I think my DD doesn’t easily fall into any SS silos as although she is severely disabled, she has no learning disabilities and she is very academically able (she passed the 11+ for a grammar school) so the local disabilities team won’t take her on their case load as she has no intellectual disability.

I wish you had enabled voting as I would like to see the score but a huge YANBU.

And I actually get on really well with our SW.

My child hasn't had respite for a year due to lack of care staff so it seems like a lot of interference for not a lot of support.

It's worrying how often FII is accused when it is is supposed to be very rare

my daughter aged 9 was just telling me about her “ life plans “

what did you want to be when you were younger ?
what have you ended up being ?
If you could choose a new career now, what would would you choose ?

when I was younger I wanted to be a zoo
keeper.

I am now a forensic pathologist.

so quite the jump !

Yes this has happened to me. I have autistic dc and also NT dc. My NT children's teachers have always treated me like an abuser because my NT children all are apparently CIN due to having autistic siblings. Doctors appointments are awful, treated like some sort of abuser every time. It is thoroughly humiliating.

So sorry I clearly wrote that in the wrong thread … ignore it !

Yes. I had an excellent one, who treated me like a human being, but then I think he moved on and now I get others.

Yes I have two sons that should have carers and I can not find anyone. I think I might lose my hours next year, but I really am tired of the whole circus, I can not do it again