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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not want to go and cook lunch for MIL for Mothers Day..

51 replies

Squirdle · 28/02/2008 12:05

...Dh's words this morning 'Ooh we could go to Somerset this weekend and cook lunch for mum'

My words 'Er excuse me but I need to point out two vital pieces of information here. No 1 - it may have escaped your notice but I am a mother too and so will not be cooking for ANYONE on Sunday and No 2 MIL is not my mother, she is yours...so you can cook lunch'

Only trouble with this is that if he cooks lunch I will end up with the children which kind of defeats the object.

I recieved a rubber chicken for Mothers Day 2 years ago.....

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 28/02/2008 12:23

cheeky git, you are the mother of his children therefore, YOU should be recieving the mothers day pampering, not pampering someone else, who isnt even your mother
YANBU

rantinghousewife · 28/02/2008 12:26

A rubber chicken?!! I hope you stuffed it down his neck!
I've done this and it really pissed me off, we had a huge argument about it, 'You're not my mother etc'. Needless to say I haven't done it since. Refuse and why can't he do 2 things at once, just like you do. Pah.

LadyOfWaffle · 28/02/2008 12:28

YANBU! Geez, men eh?

Sparkletastic · 28/02/2008 12:28

How about - yes we could all go to Somerset but of course you will book luncheon for us at a quality pub or hotel as part of the lovely relaxing day that you and the children have in store for me. AND Make sure you Squirdle (not DH) get pished and fall asleep afterwards.

Troutpout · 28/02/2008 12:30

pmsl...tell him to fark right off
Cheeky get

WiiMii · 28/02/2008 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cornsilk · 28/02/2008 12:33

It pisses me off when dh disappears off to mis mum's and step mum's to give them their cards for a few hours on mother's day leaving me to sort out ds's'.

WiiMii · 28/02/2008 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witchandchips · 28/02/2008 12:36

Hmm dp (who is on average great about loads of things)
has
a) swanned off to go skiing for a long weekend
b) feels guilty about doing so as recovering from lap + dye at the mo and is telling me not to go to london with ds to see friends as it will be too much for me
c) wants me to send his mother a card
iabu to feel that he has not got quite the point of mothers day!

Lazycow · 28/02/2008 12:37

Tbh I expect dh to buy his mother a mother's day card and me to buy my mum one. I expect nothing of Ds until he is old enough to make me one or buy me one himself, though I'll probably get something he made at nursery.

It is Mother's day not Wife's/Partner's day.

So your dh is unreasonable in expecting you to do anything for his mother but not unreasonable for wanting to do something himself.

As already suggested - A meal out for everyone would probably solve this problem

mazzystar · 28/02/2008 12:42

I think its quite sweet that he wants to do something nice for his mum.

Just gently remind him that lunch out would be a treat for you all.

PotPourri · 28/02/2008 12:43

Say you are happy for a meal out, but you don't want to be cooking as it IS Mother's day. a day to recognise all the work adn support mothers provide their offspring. So it IS your day, adn it is DH's responsibility to act on your children's behalf until they are old enough to do it.

Those whose DHs disappear to spend time with their mums, tell them to take DCs as that is thier grandmother. And you can have a nice long bath before they come back and you can all have a lovely meal together...

If all else fails, you could be feeling ill...

hana · 28/02/2008 12:46

do'nt be so grumpy
go out for a lovely lunch, all of you

cornsilk · 28/02/2008 12:53

My mum doesn't expect me to see her on mother's day - she says to spend it with ds's. It's the hours it takes that pisses me off. I'd like to sit down for a quiet chat and a coffee as well!

SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 12:57

but if they go down to Somerset for lunch out with MIL what about the OP's dm?

well anyway, have a nice day. Could you just make a suggestion to dh about how you'd like to have the day celebrated and see if some good compromise comes out. Men often need these things spelt out for them , you know. I have to say to dh for my birthday I'd really like us to do a)b) and then c) and then it gets done.

Minum · 28/02/2008 12:59

I enjoy being a daughter far more than a being a mother on Mothering Sunday, we have had lovely Mothering Sunday's in the past when we have entertained both M and MIL (I'm no cook, but I don't dislike enough to avoid it just 'cos its M S).

But I can't talk as I'm going to a party miles away on Saturday night on my own, so wont be home till Sunday afternoon .

thegreatescape · 28/02/2008 13:00

I logged on to moan about similar situation. First mothers day (ds is 10 months). Asked hopefully if dh was doing anything for me for mothers day. 'Er no, you are not my mother'. He does want to see his own mother but as she doesn't like going out for lunch, I am cooking lunch and pudding and taking it down there. I have now been informed that it has to be vegetarian as his sister is coming (no children) and possibly also her boyfriend but he might not be there so I can make something for him to have later apparently.

I've just told dh that I am not a feckin caterer which he seemed to think was a bit unnecessary.

SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 13:06

Is it some kind of a tradition cooking for your MIL because I've never thought of doing it for mother's day?

I think a family outing of some kind is the way to go. Did dp not consider the fact it is actually HIS mother not yours and that therefore he might like to do the cooking?

ceebee74 · 28/02/2008 13:06

Squirdle - I am in exactly the same situation as you (although partly of my own making).

MIL expects us to provide lunch/entertainment for her on Mother's Day but we can't afford to pay for us all to eat out plus DS (19mo) will not sit in a highchair for more than about 30 minutes so it would be my idea of hell to go to a very very busy restaurant on Sunday where service is slow and DS is screaming to be released from his 'prison' - so I offered to cook lunch at our house for us 3 and MIL. The kind woman that she is then invited BIL and gf round to my house for me to cook lunch for them all!! Some Mother's Day I am going to have eh?

cornsilk · 28/02/2008 13:09

ceebee that's a nightmare! Say no!

SSSandy2 · 28/02/2008 13:09

A cake. I would maybe make a cake and have them round in the afternoon for that but I would suggest to dh that I would like breakfast in bed etc but I would feel put upon having to fuss about cooking different meals for various different in-laws and attachments

ceebee74 · 28/02/2008 13:13

Cornsilk - I wish I could say no but then we would have to go out for a meal (which is what MIL really wants anyway) which is far too expensive and difficult with DS - so leaves me no choice

cornsilk · 28/02/2008 13:14

Do a buffet then and put in as little effort as you can - pasta, rice salad etc. Phone BIL and ask him to bring something round for the buffet. Why should you have to provide everything?

MadamePlatypus · 28/02/2008 13:17

So what will your DH be doing on Sunday? Sounds like father's day to me.

I kind of think mother's day is for mothers with children at home anyway. I want breakfast in bed and a day off now, and I am sure DS will make a lovely card at nursery. However, in 30 year's time I'd like the children to remember my birthday, and I wouldn't say no if they decided to take me out to lunch on any day, but they will have my full permission to ignore mother's day.

onepieceoflollipop · 28/02/2008 13:20

SSSandy2 - I liked your post - I will remember that for another year.

My mil has been truly awful to us for the past few months; I won't whinge on someone else's thread but she has. I don't want to spend time at all with her on Sunday. Dh may pop round with a card/plant or leave it for her the day before. My own mum isn't local so we had a low key celebration last week with her. mil sets great store by doing things properly on the proper day. We took her out for lunch a few years ago and she wasn't particularly appreciative. Whatever we do is wrong, and she is always discontented, so at least this way my day isn't ruined by one of her strops this year.

Squirdle, yanbu.