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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to not want to go and cook lunch for MIL for Mothers Day..

51 replies

Squirdle · 28/02/2008 12:05

...Dh's words this morning 'Ooh we could go to Somerset this weekend and cook lunch for mum'

My words 'Er excuse me but I need to point out two vital pieces of information here. No 1 - it may have escaped your notice but I am a mother too and so will not be cooking for ANYONE on Sunday and No 2 MIL is not my mother, she is yours...so you can cook lunch'

Only trouble with this is that if he cooks lunch I will end up with the children which kind of defeats the object.

I recieved a rubber chicken for Mothers Day 2 years ago.....

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 28/02/2008 13:22

Cornsilk another good idea but if ceebee's mil is anything like mine (and she sounds like it!) then she will want a "proper" roast dinner.

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:23

Tell him to go (with the dcs) to his mothers and you can have a lovely relaxing time at home...

cornsilk · 28/02/2008 13:23

Madame Platypus totally agree. I think my dh should visit his mum and step mum as they obviously want him to - but maybe he should take ds's with him and give me a break!

jumpingbeans · 28/02/2008 13:24

I could think of nothing worse than my dil coming to my house and cooking lunch in my kitchen,using my pots,my cooker (i have seen her banging about in the kitchen)

Original poster
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:29

I know I am not being unreasonable I don't mind seeing his mum at all, but I don't want to spend all day looking after samll children either.

He said he would call his sister to see what she was doing so I pointed out that actually he should be calling BIL to arrange a meal out for us all. He isn't keen on taking 5 boys to a restaurant though (our 3 and SIL's 2)

Anyone know what the weather is doing this weekend? I might just suggest a picnic somewhere then MIL, SIL and my mum can all come and the dads can entertain the children (while we have a few tipples)

OP posts:
Original poster
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:30

Ooh now the taking the children to his mums and me stay at home sounds tempting

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 28/02/2008 13:34

we're having lunch at my mums with Bro and SIL and DS and niece - 3 mums out of six people. Too tight to go out for lunch so we are all bringing a third of the lunch each - everyone happy

Why don;t you want to look after DC's on mothers day - you wouldn't be a motehr wihtout them! (I'm just jealous, no DP to take DS off my hands for a few hours!)

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:35

I'm certain that's the way to go Squirdle...

ceebee74 · 28/02/2008 13:40

Lollipop - you have hit the nail on the head in that MIL will expect a 'proper' meal plus BIL and gf live the other side of the country so are coming to MIL's for the weekend so won't be able to contribute anything.

Also (and sorry to moan about this), MIL is being particularly pathetic and wants DH to pick her up and then take her home afterwards (about a 20-minute journey each way) as she is worried her car might break down - leaving me to cook and look after DS all at the same time - grrr!

Squirdle - a picnic sounds like quite a good idea actually if the weather is going to be nice.

Original poster
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 13:42

Kewcumber, it's not that I don't want to be with them on MD but DH works away Monday to Friday most weeks so a little bit of me time is most appreciated. Added to which looking after them at MIL's is soooo much harder than at home. I know I can't bow out of motherly duties completely.

OP posts:
Babysamrocks · 28/02/2008 13:47

I am cooking for 12 on Sunday. Doesn't bother me in the least.

Iklboo · 28/02/2008 13:50

Fact: DH's do not see DWs as mothers. THEIR mother is a mother, YOUR mother is a mother.
YOU happened to incubate a tiny person for 9 months, but they still don't see you as a mother

purplemonkeydishwasher · 28/02/2008 13:50

haven't read the whole thread but it has just occurred to me that in my infinite stupidity i just asked DH is we were haveing his mom around for dinner on sunday. cause it's mothers day/
bloomin' 'eck. what WAS i thinking????!!

thegreatescape · 28/02/2008 14:32

down with mothers day!

It seems far more work for mothers than anyone else...

idlingabout · 28/02/2008 14:37

I am always amazed on these type of threads as to how many of you live close enough to both sets of parents for these situations to arise so regularly. DP's family have never done anything short of sending card/flowers. My family used to hi-jack my brother's birthday to celebrate Mothers' Day aswell but all that was before we all had children of our own. My dd wants to do stuff for me and gets dp to help her but I don't see it as his responsibility - it's just nice that he wants to make it a good day for me. I reciprocate on Fathers' Day. No way on this earth would I ever agree to a family gathering for dp's mother on Mothers' Day but then no-one would be fool enough to suggest it.

sleepycat · 28/02/2008 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JossStick · 28/02/2008 14:41

"Only trouble with this is that if he cooks lunch I will end up with the children which kind of defeats the object."

What? Of Mother's Day??

idlingabout · 28/02/2008 14:45

Sorry - worried that my earlier post implies a criticism of people who live near parents/pils. It is just that as our nearest are 2+ hours drive away, I tend to forget that so many people are in a totally different situation. Perhaps it is more difficult when your mils are closely involved with your family ( babysitting etc) not to get emotionally blackmailed into putting their wants ahead of your own justifiable expectation to be treated well on Mothers' Day.

thegreatescape · 28/02/2008 14:57

Idling - many mils don't need to be practically involved to go down the emotionally blackmailing route!

Original poster
Squirdle · 28/02/2008 15:08

Our parents live 2 hours away too. We will be spending the weekend there.

I spend my whole life caring for the children. DH gets dinner cooked for him every Sunday and gets treated very nicely on Fathers Day. That is because I appreciate what he does for us. I would just like the same appreciation. Just for one day. I don't need it constantly, I just don't want to be cooking /cleaning/running around like a headless chicken (not a rubber one ) just for one day.

I'd like DH to appreciate what I do as the mother of his children and give the same thought to me as he does to his own mum. The boys are young at the moment so need his guidance until they are of the age when they can do something themselves.

The original post was kind of tongue in cheek. I'm not really that needy DH can get up with the children at 6 am, that'll be fine.

OP posts:
motherinferior · 28/02/2008 15:16

Can I just ask why these blokes aren't doing the cooking? Did I miss something?

FWIW Mr Inferior will be cooking lunch on Sunday because, er, he usually cooks lunch on Sunday.

bozza · 28/02/2008 15:22

Our mother's days always consist of visiting both mothers. That means a total of 3 hours in the car. The live 20 mins apart but over an hour away IYSWIM. This year DS also has a football match in the morning.

So I am planning on milking 7-9 am as my only slot in the day. I am slightly pissed off with the whole caboodle because I have to take DD and her friend to dancing in the morning(out 9.15 - 10.45). Then DH is playing golf (will be goig out 11.30 ish). Then I am taking DS and DD (7 and 3) to watch local football league team because we got cheap tickets because it is mother's day. I originally planned to get DH to play golf on Sunday and come with us but couldn't because it is mother's day on Sunday.

No cooking for me because MIL gave her dining table away 7 weeks ago but my Dad has booked us in at Brewsters.

bozza · 28/02/2008 15:26

Sorry last sentence did not make sense. But my Dad has booked us in at Brewsters and sent an email to check it is OK. Then he rang up last night (while I was out) regarding the email and DH agreed it with him without reading the email despite the fact that he was sat in front of the PC when he answered the phone????

MIL was stressing to SIL last week about what to do when we go over at Mother's Day because she has given her table away is a seperate issue.

idlingabout · 28/02/2008 16:26

I think you are perfectly reasonable to want that Squirdle and I thought you were not at all unreasonable in your op either.
I am astonished (like Motherinferior) why your dp should suggest for one minute that you do ANY cooking on Mothers' Day and certainly not cooking for HIS mother - outrageous. Don't do it.

purplemonkeydishwasher · 28/02/2008 16:34

ah yes BUT! DH will probably do some most a bit of the cooking on sunday. and monday i'll wake up to a disaster of a kitchen. happens every time.

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