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Original poster

To contact again when she ghosted me

27 replies

NorthStar2231 · 11/08/2023 13:54

I made a friend when I was pregnant with my 2nd child. We were literally glued at the hip. Got on so well and spent a lot of time in each other’s company.

We made the decision to leave the area where she lives and had a bit of a difficult job actually moving (several house losses and a stressful time) but we did have to move for work and eventually we moved house too.

Since we moved for work, conversation with her was sparse. She rarely responded to my WhatsApp’s. We have a lot of connections in the area where she lives and visited regularly but she didn’t respond to meet requests. She was pregnant during this time. I thought maybe this was why she was off and left her to it.

Eventually, I sent her a WhatsApp wishing her luck with her birth but said I won’t be messaging her anymore as she doesn’t respond and she ghosted it. This was well over 6 months ago.

Do I try and reach out again or is this unreasonable at this point? We were such good friends and I miss her. I also don’t like having bad blood and I don’t really know what I’ve done to deserve the ignoring?

OP posts:
MojoMoon · 11/08/2023 14:00

Do not contact her.

She has made it very clear she isn't interested in pursuing a friendship with you.

You aren't entitled to an explanation why from her so pursuing her further - after saying you wouldn't be in touch - to ask her to explain herself is unlikely to end well.

It may simply be that she saw the friendship differently - as companions on maternity leave and a local person to pass the time with - and therefore not see it as something to pursue when you aren't living there.

YoBeaches · 11/08/2023 14:09

She was probably devastated that you moved away and she lost a close friend. It's hard to start again with mum friends and you have to be quite a together person to keep doing it as well as parenting and life stuff.

You made your feelings clear in the last message so now, you just need to accept it an move on.

Don't make it about you, and whether you did something wrong. That's not what this is about. Leave her be.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/08/2023 14:14

I think if you sent a message saying you won’t respond anymore you essentially burnt any bridges and made it clear you weren’t open to a friendship unless she was able to give it energy and headspace whenever you wanted her to. I think it would be too late to rekindle the friendship.

Maybe if in future you have a friendship where the other person starts to become less responsive the better way to handle it, at least initially, would be to reach out and say you’ve noticed they haven’t been able to reply to your messages much lately, that you hope everything is okay with them, miss them and are here if they need to talk. That kind of response would at least leave the lines of communication open rather than angrily putting a load of guilt and blame on them without even trying to find out whether there was something going on behind it.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/08/2023 14:15

It’s understandable you’re hurt and confused but you shouldn’t message her again. For her own reasons she’s backed away from you and you need to accept it.

BananaSlug · 11/08/2023 14:19

Its likely you upset her or offended her in some way without realising for her to react so strong I would leave it

Curseofthenation · 11/08/2023 14:31

It sounds like she enjoyed having a local friend for last minute meet-ups but didn't value the friendship enough to maintain it after you moved away. I could be completely wrong, but as others have said, you need to let it go. Stop contacting her.

Ladybug14 · 11/08/2023 14:34

You told her you won't be messaging her any more

So... don't

girlfriend44 · 11/08/2023 14:34

Move on don't bother.

It's not meant to be.

coloursquare · 11/08/2023 14:36

I agree with PP. some friendships are a time and place thing.

TeaKitten · 11/08/2023 14:36

You said you wouldn’t be messaging her anymore and finally ended the friendship, you’d look strange starting messaging her again. Just
move on.

dottypotter · 11/08/2023 14:44

Leave her alone, she isn't bothered about you is she?

SamW98 · 11/08/2023 14:48

She as a reason and season friend and she’s moved on.

You need to delete her number and move on from her.

Bandyarsia · 11/08/2023 14:55

Let her go, she has let you go long ago.

IncompleteSenten · 11/08/2023 15:04

I think she's been very clear that now you're no longer local, she doesn't see the need to remain in touch.

I certainly wouldn't demean myself by keeping on trying and I don't think you should either.

HauntedPencil · 11/08/2023 15:06

I wouldn't contact her again. She's making her feelings pretty plain and the ball is in her court.

GoodChat · 11/08/2023 15:10

I agree with everyone else. You said you wouldn't message again so just delete her number. The friendship is over.

Busubaba · 11/08/2023 15:13

Why would you?

She didn't have the grace to say why she has dropped you so why are you chasing her?

People move on and make new friends sometimes. Most likely it won't be anything you've done or said.

Helpmepleaseimbusy · 11/08/2023 15:20

Why would you even consider contacting her after you said you wouldn't? Make some other friends OP.

Cloudsarebright · 11/08/2023 15:25

I disagree, I think one last message to say you wish her well would be nice for you both.

Don't attach any expectations, but I think getting a message saying you were essentially giving up on her could’ve been devastating in some circumstances.

You have no idea if she’s just ignoring you and given up on the friendship or if she’s going through something.

A last well wishing message keeps the door open.

But don’t if you’ll be left ever wondering and waiting for a response.

Pinkdelight3 · 11/08/2023 15:26

You moved away, she's moved on, let it go.

Pinkdelight3 · 11/08/2023 15:28

Cloudsarebright · 11/08/2023 15:25

I disagree, I think one last message to say you wish her well would be nice for you both.

Don't attach any expectations, but I think getting a message saying you were essentially giving up on her could’ve been devastating in some circumstances.

You have no idea if she’s just ignoring you and given up on the friendship or if she’s going through something.

A last well wishing message keeps the door open.

But don’t if you’ll be left ever wondering and waiting for a response.

But isn't that essentially the previous message that she already sent 6 months ago? That was a last well-wishing message and it got precisely no response. Going back for more ghosting is pure masochism.

GoodChat · 11/08/2023 15:29

Cloudsarebright · 11/08/2023 15:25

I disagree, I think one last message to say you wish her well would be nice for you both.

Don't attach any expectations, but I think getting a message saying you were essentially giving up on her could’ve been devastating in some circumstances.

You have no idea if she’s just ignoring you and given up on the friendship or if she’s going through something.

A last well wishing message keeps the door open.

But don’t if you’ll be left ever wondering and waiting for a response.

Any well wishes would seem insincere after the OP's last message. Bridges have been well and truly burned.

ManateeFair · 11/08/2023 15:31

Why would you reach out to someone who clearly doesn't want to be reached out to? Just leave her alone.

My guess is that perhaps she wasn't as keen on being 'glued at the hip' as you were, and was maybe a little relieved when you moved because it was getting a bit intense for her? Or maybe there's a totally different reason, something personal to her. If she had stopped replying to you long before you sent your final message wishing her good luck, then perhaps there was something going on - with her pregnancy or something else - that she just didn't have the emotional energy to share. Or maybe she's just an 'out of sight, out of mind' person - some people just don't bother with friendships that they consider long distance.

I completely understand why you're sad to have lost the friendship, and I also understand why you want to know the reason behind it, but I think her silence has made it very clear that she doesn't want to stay in touch and that you should let this one go.

FWIW - there might not be 'bad blood' at all. It might just be that she's just not really feeling the friendship and doesn't know how to say so. It's actually a lot easier to end a friendship when there's bad blood or someone's offended you than it is when the other person's done nothing wrong. I think I have probably been in your friend's shoes on at least one occasion and I kind of assumed that replying to fewer messages and declining invitations would be taken by the other person as a hint. It honestly doesn't sound as if you actually did anything to upset her or offend her, but that from her point of view the friendship had just reached a natural end point.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 11/08/2023 15:33

Just let it go - you were friends when you lived near each other, but then you chose to move away. She lost the friend she was glued at the hip to, and she had to move on and fill that gap with new friends, which she has evidently done.

I have old friends I stay in touch with despite distance, but when current local friends move away now, I let go of the friendship because there seems no future to it.

GiveOverRover · 11/08/2023 15:47

She wasn't as glued to your hip as you were to hers, and she's making it really clear that she's not interested in a friendship. You've already messaged her specifically to say that you won't be contacting her any more as she ignored you.

She's continued to ignore you.

Another message would be really questionable from her perspective, stop flogging a dead horse and move on.