Not allowed to play

[morningcoffeevanillalatte]

Help!! So my son has just starting going out with some friends which has been great for him gaining independence and burning off fuel around the park playing football however we have now run into a little issue with one particular child whom is lovely I might add..

so my son and his friend like to go to the shops after going to the park I give my son his pocket money he earns through helping around the house and good behaviour the generous little soul he is will always treat his friend and never ask for the money back I always tell him that once you give do not expect it back as you have agreed to the treat.. this is when it gets a little more complicated so his friend has got my son a few small treats from the shop my son always says no as he understands that he doesn't accept unless he will have the money to pay back but the boy just buys it anyway so my son went to his friends house to ask if he is allowed out and the mum basically in a nutshell said to my son he is no longer allowed to play out with him as he owes him money my son explained that his friend her son said he didn't want the money back and the mum then protested to my son that no he has to pay it back and he is still no longer allowed to play with him anymore and shut the door in his face.. so my son came running home crying his eyes out as he didn't quite understand what had happened..

Honestly I do not no what to do in this situation as my son is getting shouted out for owed money that was not particularly owed as my son refused his friend to buy the items but the friend brought them anyway..

My son has taken the so called owed money out of next set of pocket money and posted it through the friends door.

I just do not no what to do in this case obviously I have explained that if his friends mum allows him to play with my son if/when they go shops they no longer buy things for each other to prevent all this happening again but I no my son will still buy without wanting monies returned as he is too generous for his own good.

Thank you all sorry it was so long first time dealing with this type of situation xx

How old are they?

How old are they

Do you know the mum?

Sounds like the kid might have been taken advantage of in the past

Both 10 years old.

@purpleboy only know her to say hello while passing as this is a new friendship between our children

Your son didn't have to put his money through the door poor thing.

I'd just focus on encouraging him to mix with others to be honest. Parents like this are exhausting.

I think that in an ideal world you, your son, his friend and his friend's mum would all sit down and have a chat. The boys should be told that their money is for them and not to buy for others so there are no misunderstandings and blurred boundaries. Your son means well by buying for others but perhaps him and his friend need to agree that if one hasn't got money then the other should avoid the shop that day or the mums can agree to give money on the same day. When he's older the rules will change again but this is the start of being independent and maybe in order to keep the friendship with the other boy, it will be simpler to have alter same rules.

I think that this issue is going to crop up when he's travelling to secondary on his own. You don't want your son's kindness to be interpreted as being a doormat that others can use to their advantage. It might be better to give him an amount where he can't buy for others.

I can see how somebody really struggling for money could react to their child spending sweet money on somebody else's child 'Why are you buying stuff for morningcoffeejunior, I can't afford to give you any more?' 'He bought me a Freddo and a packet of Space Raiders' 'You've spent a tenner on him in return! No way, you're not playing with him again'.

Oh definitely I totally relate to the other child's mum but I think what upset me is that they're no longer allowed to play together. My son only takes around £2-£3 with him at a time don't panic mums he hasn't got unlimited funds or a credit card to hand 😂 xx

@BoohooWoohoo like a go Henry account? I no he is too nice I do tell him that he can't be too generous with his pocket money.

The arrangement was difficult from the start. Each child should really have kept their own money separate. I would just let it go. Mum sounds horrible.

@Viviennemary 100% I tell my son all the time to not spend his money on others that it's earned pocket money but he is so blinking generous I don't no how to snap him out of it 🤦🏻‍♀️

Easiest solution here would be for the boys to only buy their own things at the shop and not buy for each other. Yes it's nice to be kind and generous to our friends but it gets complicated. Maybe you could have a chat with the mum?

£2-3 is quite a lot at that age.

@Cheeesus a week not a day.

Honestly I would encourage your son to play with other kids. Once this issue is sorted it will probably become another. Maybe just save his pocket money and only let him spend it while you are with him. Hopefully after this your son won’t take lollies from other kids.

It’s quite a lot to be able to take to shops at one go, regularly.

@Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie oh don't I have had another talk with him about it all and he has agree that his money is his money and to only buy himself stuff and that's it I think it might of got through to him now maybe it's a lesson learned.

My son and his friends end up owing each other small amounts - I don’t think kids should be ‘treating’ other kids even if they can afford it as causes complications

@Cheeesus we will have to agree to disagree on this one.. just to be clear he saves all his earned pocket money it goes into his jar and he will take out an agreed amount weekly to spend.

Maybe I'm not reading your post right, but who's buying the treats? You've said the other boy is buying for your son, but you've also said your son is too generous with what he buys his friend. Are they buying for each other? If so, what's the issue? Unless the friend has spent considerably more..

I agree with the poster who says he is better off with other friends. If it isn’t this issue I’m sure there will be other issues as his mother sounds awful. Perhaps the other child has omitted to tell the truth in that your son is spending money on her child too.
I’d keep my child away from him for now.

@IamfeelingConfused totally agree with you on this one hence why I have explained to my son that your money is yours and his is his keep it simple I think he has learned a lesson from all this. Just the issue is that the other mum is now saying that they're not allowed to play with each other anymore when they had become such good friends I have stated to my son if they're allowed to play again best to avoid any shop trips unless with an adult.