Not allowed to play

[morningcoffeevanillalatte]

Help!! So my son has just starting going out with some friends which has been great for him gaining independence and burning off fuel around the park playing football however we have now run into a little issue with one particular child whom is lovely I might add..

so my son and his friend like to go to the shops after going to the park I give my son his pocket money he earns through helping around the house and good behaviour the generous little soul he is will always treat his friend and never ask for the money back I always tell him that once you give do not expect it back as you have agreed to the treat.. this is when it gets a little more complicated so his friend has got my son a few small treats from the shop my son always says no as he understands that he doesn't accept unless he will have the money to pay back but the boy just buys it anyway so my son went to his friends house to ask if he is allowed out and the mum basically in a nutshell said to my son he is no longer allowed to play out with him as he owes him money my son explained that his friend her son said he didn't want the money back and the mum then protested to my son that no he has to pay it back and he is still no longer allowed to play with him anymore and shut the door in his face.. so my son came running home crying his eyes out as he didn't quite understand what had happened..

Honestly I do not no what to do in this situation as my son is getting shouted out for owed money that was not particularly owed as my son refused his friend to buy the items but the friend brought them anyway..

My son has taken the so called owed money out of next set of pocket money and posted it through the friends door.

I just do not no what to do in this case obviously I have explained that if his friends mum allows him to play with my son if/when they go shops they no longer buy things for each other to prevent all this happening again but I no my son will still buy without wanting monies returned as he is too generous for his own good.

Thank you all sorry it was so long first time dealing with this type of situation xx

Is it possible the friend got into trouble for frittering money away and spun his mum a story?

"Where's your money gone?"
"I spent it at the shop."
"What have I told you about spending it all on sweets?"
"Uh no I bought it for X, it's okay, he's going to pay me back."

Tell him to stop going to the shops with this boy!

To be honest, you are only hearing one side of the story… the other boy may have had to justify to his mum where his money has gone, and might have told her a different story.

Your son sounds like a generous little soul, but he’s had an upset and hopefully this will show him that people can take advantage.

@KinooOrKinog sorry I did say it would get complicated 😂 I will try and simplify it as best as I can..

So my son is too bloody generous he will pay for things for his friend and ask for nothing in return..

His friend offered to buy my son some sweets (my son used up his weekly earned pocket money allowance which he takes from his jar he saves it all) my son refused the offer for his friend to pay but his friend brought them anyway my son still refused them.. now my son owes money to his firmed and is no longer allowed to play together.

I have since had a conversation about his pocket money and if they are allowed to play together again they avoid the shops unless with an adult.

Sorry hope that explains it a bit better 😅

@MinnieGirl 100% it's a lesson learned for him now.. told him no longer allowed unless with an adult now. I am dreading secondary school now 🤦🏻‍♀️

@takealettermsjones possibly., I have told my boy he is no longer allowed to go shops without an adult now so it stops this and his allowance without me will be lowered just hope the shops don't put their penny sweets up too much 😂 he has only just been independently going out with his fiends for the last month he has epilepsy so it's always been a worry for us as a family to let him out he mostly goes park to play football.

Did you know your son was taking his pocket money and posting it through the friends door?

I would have popped round to speak to the mum if I didn't have her number and tried to resolve it as a misunderstanding, plus I would have paid her back myself, not expected my son to do it.

If he did it without you knowing, I would pay him back bless him, then still pop round for an amicable chat.

If it turned out the other mum was unreasonably cross and it can't be resolved, then I would leave it there and try to ensure my son played with other kids where possible.

@Daffodilwoman it's such a shame as he is a lovely boy I think if we as parents took the shops out of the equation it would be less complications but she is not allowing them to play anymore. Obviously I completely understand cost of living crisis and the mums feelings just wish she would of spoken to me about it so we could of sorted it out instead of refusing them to play together I am putting it down to a lesson learned and don't have any ill feeling towards the boy.

Your DS sounds lovely and generous. His friend does also and it’s a shame his mum is being horrible about this.
Maybe try to encourage him to only buy for himself to avoid this mix up and avoid him being taken advantage of (not what happened this occasion I know). Though obviously reinforce how kind and generous it is that he is willing to spend his money on his friends.

@Darkmodal i put it all back for him and told him lesson learned he smiled and said thank you for doing that mum it won't happen again gave me hug. Upon speaking to a friend who knows her she isn't very forthcoming and can be quite aggressive so yeah might be best no ti engage and keep the boys apart.

@morningcoffeevanillalatte he sounds like a lovely boy! Well done you.

@WaltzingWaters I have made an arrangement with my son to only go shop with a known adult present to prevent this from happening again.. he really is he has health conditions so has only just started independently going out with his friends to the park.

@Darkmodal thank you it's so hard for him he has health conditions that have stopped us letting him out independently out of fear something might happen so he just gets all excited about his new found limited might I add freedom. He saves all his pocket money he earns from helping me and other family members out like he helped my disabled mum do her plant potting she gave him a couple of pounds so it goes into his jar and then he gets a weekly allowance on what he can spend.

She's unreasonable, dont attempt to engage with her. She would probably shut the door in your face too.

I'm sure the boys will find a way to play together. Mum isn't around all the time.

Speak to the mother and tell her you're sons side of the story . She has only heard one side

That's a really weird way to deal with it to be honest - my son I tell him not to take off other kids all the time as they tend to pay for things when each of them gets their pocket money at various times. I'd I genuinely felt he was spending too much I would jsut not send him out with more than £1 or £2 for himself:

I would wonder if the other kid is spending a lot and he's started saying oh it was on OPs kid?

I did text a mum once as her kid was bringing £10 nearly every day to school and spending it on the kids - I think it's a phase they go through and learning to deal with money.

See above, don't bother. She won't engage or she'll be rude, then you'll wish you hasn't.

She has no worries about shutting the door on the boy, what's makes you think she'll talk to the mum.

That's just ridiculous. I don't think talking to her sounds like it would be any good

I would speak to the mother to make sure she is aware that he has put the money through the door if nothing else.

@HauntedPencil yes we have told our son not to accept anything which he didn't the boy still brought it and my son still said no but then my🤦🏻‍♀️ lesson learned now for him he will just go shops with a known adult in future.. oh I dread secondary school for him my eldest never really has these issues. Sorry my if first post was really confusing 😂he only ever goes out with £3 not every day say a couple of times a week max.

Did I get this right?

Her son went with your son to the shop and the other lad bought sweets all around him, far too much, and then offered them to your son.

Your son said, no thanks I can't take all those, thanks anyway.

Other boy goes home and then his Mum goes nuts saying that friend of yours made you buy all that stuff.

I'd go around to the Mum and be very pleasant and polite.

Maybe the other boy told his Mum a big fib that your son had made him buy all the sweets!

Really, you need to step in and see what exactly went on.

Because your son is left having been told off and punished for something he didn't do!!

@Spirallingdownwards it was received the boy knocked on my door to see if my son wanted to play but my son declined to go out with him. I think he is still a little upset.

I wouldn't have him around the other boy's mother again whether the boys play together or not. You know how she talks to your son, a 10 year old boy. I'm sure that was upsetting for him. There was no need over a couple of pounds.

@Seaweed42 oh i will be going round there once the gas man has been and gone I love the we will visit between 9 & 6 apps 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

@Bethanbee the boy did knock and ask if my son wanted to Play my son declined and went to play football with my friends son.