To not feel the fear and do it anyway

[Croissantsetchampignons]

Feeling a bit pathetic! Am in France at the moment in the Alps and partner, kids & friends going up Europes highest cable car tomorrow. 12,000 ft - massive drops. I just can’t bring myself to do it- I HATE heights and cable cars so it’s a double fear whammy. Am going to go up on a mountain train instead but feeling a bit disappointed in myself- I have been up in it before and it was scary & the altitude was also debilitating.

Aibu for being a bit of a wuss and staying in my comfort zone? I really have thought about it a lot but feel like I am setting a bad example to my kids of not pushing myself!

Yeah I saw a plane beneath it and I'm sure I googled and it was struck by fighter jets once.

@Summerslimtime 😱😱😱

Just googled it, nope nope nope YANBU OP, just the thought of it is making me feel dizzy and I’m sitting on the sofa!

Nope. Fuck. That. No way. No.

I have zero fear of heights, falling or anything else and I spent the entire ride on that bloody thing curled up on the floor crying. Do not do it OP!

Showing that you can set your own boundaries and stick by then despite what friends are doing is an excellent example for your kids.

It's supposed to be fun. If it won't be fun, don't do it. It's not a test of character.

I'm just back from an amazing hiking trip in the Alps. One section involved a series ladders over a crag. I am scared standing on a chair.

I so very nearly stayed behind and occupied myself that day, but I knew I'd be cross if I did and that once I was there I'd have no choice but to do it. Then I had to come down in a cable car!!

I did it, it was amazing and two weeks on I'm still buzzing at the sese of achievement and looking for my next challenge with a genuine feeling that I can achieve anything.

It was very tempting to wimp out, I very nearly did, but I am so so chuffed with myself.

I fainted on this very cable car when I was 12! It's awful, I would never, ever go on it again!

@VioletCharlotte oh god! My 11 year old is going up with my DP- I hope she’s ok 😬

@VimtoPassion i get what you are saying - I just pushed myself to go on the Flight Force ride at Disney- it’s horrendous and I hated it- that might be my limit for this holiday 😂

I'd do the same and dress it up as loving trains. They are my favourite mode of transport in any case, so it would not look out of place.

I went up this a few years ago and loved the views but then got altitude sickness and felt horrendous for a while after returning to the ground. Don't blame you at all for not wanting to do it!

I go on big dippers with the DCs and keep my eyes shut.

This reminds me of how the car would swing at every tower and how it literally winches you up the rock face at the end.

Horrific.

You know your limits and it’s okay to trust your own judgment. That’s a good lesson too!

I'm a total adrenaline junkie and love rollercoasters etc. In fact, I was working doing a ski season in Chamonix when I went on that thing - totally fine with normal cable cars and hurtling down mountains with feet strapped to a piece of fibre glass. But that thing is next level. It's unbelievable.

Life is too short to do things you don’t want to do. Will the world stop turning if you don’t do it? No. Enjoy the train, it sounds much more relaxing. I saw Michael Portillo go on it, it looked lovely.

I’ve ‘embraced the fear’ precisely once (bungee jump!) and ended up with a back injury that’s become chronic in later years and now affects various aspects of my life. Yeah, the bungee jump was fun, a momentary adrenaline high, but was it worth it? Absolutely fucking not.

Facing fear can be empowering, but only if you’re facing something that will have a material impact on your quality of life going forward. It’s probably a good idea to think about facing childhood trauma, one of the scariest things we can ever confront, if our lives will improve as a result. Or maybe a fear of presenting, if it fundamentally affects our career prospects. But does anyone really need to abseil down a cliff face or travel over a 12000 ft drop in order to validate themselves? Fuck no! You’re on holiday, it’s supposed to be relaxing and nice - do something fun. Anyone who tries to pressure someone into a leisure activity they find terrifying is an inexcusable arsehole.

We all have different comfort zones, nothing to feel bad about. I would go on that cable car happily but ask me to walk more than a couple of metres into the sea and I whimper.

The train sounds lovely and peaceful. Holding your own boundaries is a good example to your children and yourself, too.
I wouldn't mind the height of the cable car but would absolutely not want to be trapped in a box with the risk of other people getting sick, or fainting, so I'd be on the train too!

If the altitude concerns you, that's enough of a reason to say no. I have family up that way and when they return from visiting us at close to sea level, it takes them a week to reaclimatise to being at altitude.

I went on a pretty tame cable car in Bavaria and was terrified. I was convinced we were going to go crashing down and be killed. I was expecting to have heart failure with the fear.

Watching that has totally reinforced my decision!!!

Ah i remember that as i was taken on it on a university trip by surprise. Not great when I'm terrified of heights.

I stood very still and very quiet and focused on not passing out and it wasn't actually too bad.

The same twats took me on a man extremely exposed hike a year later and I got stuck and couldn't move on a thin path.

God I hate heights.

Giving it a go and having a panic attack or fainting only instils more fear in your kids tbh.

It’s so hard to answer this sort of thing. I would say “oh yes heights, that’s just fine, face your fear, it’ll be worth it!” But then if someone said to me I “face my fear and go caving, for example, I’d run a mile!

Mmm, you sound extremely chilled out and well-balanced. Think that proves my point! Maybe if you were a bit more used to facing up to difficult feelings and pushing past of your comfort zone you wouldn't have such a weirdly extreme reaction ("horrible little cunt" anyone?) to a comment that wasn't even addressed to you. Calm down - I've never met your parents, and this isn't about you.