What’s a nice way to tell my coworker to stop hugging me?

[PawneGoddess]

Hey everyone, I could use a bit of advice. I recently started a new job and, to my surprise, I bumped into an old school friend who works in the same office. She's a genuinely lovely person and has this habit of giving daily hugs. Every day, it's like a reunion with her hugs. She's just a nice person who likes to touch and hug and I'm the total opposite. I just don’t see the point of hugs at work but I don’t want to sound mean. How can I approach this without sounding unkind or making things awkward?

I have been known to literally bark at a man who does it, but he does it to "sooth" the little women. For most people I just let it be known I'm not a hugger and they accept that.

Reminds me of this video 😆

Big laugh “We can’t keep doing this, Sue, people will talk.!”

I think I would just tolerate it to be honest. I’m not a hugger but I wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings.

Train her out of the habit! Be holding an armful of stuff as you walk in; get there ahead of her and be in your chair; do a massive pretend sneeze and cough as she approaches and hold your arm out to signal her to keep back then explain you might have X so best if she keeps back; enter the workplace walking really fast, like a speed-walker and just get past her each day; keep your arms stiffly by your side, turn your head away and have a barely concealed expression of disgust on your face next time she hugs you.

Or just tell her 🤷‍♀️

A 'daily hug'?

I'm not sure she is a lovely person, OP, if she's so needy and oblivious to other people.

I've got nothing against friends/relatives who want a hug when they see you every few weeks or whatever, but this is weird and has a vaguely narcissist vibe to it. Am I being mean here? It seems a bit 'Look at what a GREAT person I am.'

I have a colleague who hates hugs. She’s confident and extrovert so has been able to just tell us she doesn’t like them without it coming across awkwardly.
Just breezily say I’m not a hugger.

When you see her approach and she starts to get in hug mode, put your arms out, palms out, and say it's lovely that you've made me so welcome here, but just to let you know I don't like being hugged or touched. It's not just you - it's a general dislike.

I find this works with social kissing too - I step back and shake hands if necessary too. Frankly, for me, I found having enforced personal space around Covid lockdowns a blessing and I've just carried on. 🌹

I know someone who is a hugger, and normally she's fairly good at reading body language and not going for a hug. She did tell me of one time when she totally misread someone (tbf I was surprised to hear they weren't a hugger, from their personality) and she said he just stood there rigid as a poker while she gave him an enthusiastic hug. She knew from that not to do it again.

Do you hug back? If you do then she might not know how much you don't like it.

I put YABU, just tell her.

Problem is this should have been said at the beginning, not weeks into accepted a hug every morning.

I had an odd hugging situation a few years ago. I'm fairly neutral on hugging.

One of the dads at school was extra huggy, and also a bit smelly, but very nice generally so I didn't think too much about it, non issue to me.

One day his wife said to me, along with her husband, that she could see I was uncomfortable with hugs and didn't like them. I kind of nodded along to the not liking hugging generally as you can't really say someone's husband whiffs a bit.

After that conversation instead of hugging me less he hugged me more!

I know most of you are saying, "Just tell her not to hug!" Easier said than done, right? I'm not exactly the "straight-to-the-point" type, I'm just not one for confrontation. Thankfully, she's off for a week, but I'm rather dreading her return. I feel I need a strategy sorted before then. I hope she is not on MN!! 😅

You don’t need a confrontation. Next time you see her, put your arms up and back away, saying’I’m not a hugger’. It’s not rude or confrontational but she would be weird if she still tried it. I told my line manager I don’t like being touched, she used to grab my wrist in the corridor, I’m not a runaway toddler! She’d also lay a hand on my knee when talking, moving her chair from behind her desk so she had access. I hated it so I told her.

Well if you aren't 'one for confrontation' then I'm afraid you will just have to put up with your feelings on this being ignored! She doesn't know you aren't a hugger and you clearly don't feel comfortable telling her, so you are just going to have to put up with it and carry on being hugged.

Or you could just tell her.

It really isn't being confrontational to express a preference or a difference of opinion on this...

If she has been away for a week its a really good time to start a new dynamic.

Get really into punk/metal and cover yourself in spikes.

Dominating and a bit dodgy in a hierarchy like work, though huggers naturally deny everything.

Bit of a stretch?

(and I say that as a work-non-hugger)

Oh FFS just step back when she starts towards you and say "No more hugs thanks, i don't like them"

Weird as fuck to want to hug colleagues every day!

Hiss at her like a cat

Same with one of my colleagues, it is just a bit of a running joke. "Joey, doesn't share food hugs"

My dad died. When I went back into work a colleague came towards me - I said please don’t hug me. She hugged me anyway. 😡

im v tempted to say I don’t consent when a hugger comes towards me. I don’t see why their wants to hug me overrides my want to not.

Ah god this is so awkward.

To be honest, I'd probably be tempted to let her hug me for the rest of her life rather than have to say something 🤣.

I would say it in a jokey way the next time she hugs you. Casually say that you're not much of a hugger and you get all awkward. Like take the piss out of yourself for being awkward with it, rather than saying she's the problem?

I hugged one of my bosses in work because he had helped me to get a promotion, bought me champagne and chocolates etc when I changed teams. So I hugged him and he was really awkward. The next conversation we had, he was jokey and said how he gets really embarrassed getting hugs in the office and goes bright red and doesn't know how to respond. He delivered it in a really nice way and I got the hint immediately.

The worst bit is, is that I'm not a hugger AT ALL. I'm really not an affectionate person but I kind of felt like I should hug him to show my appreciation. I won't be doing that again hahaha.

Next time she goes to hug, say "ooh don't come too close, I think I've got a cold coming". That might break the cycle.