Don’t even know where to start, it’s long to avoid drip feeding. If you can’t read it all, the short version is my dad is completely incapable of managing and I don’t know how to support him and my mum anymore.
My dad is in his 80s, for as long as I’ve known him, he’s always had something wrong with him. His leg hurts, he’s hurt his hip, he’s had a headache for a week etc, he’s a complete hypochondriac and I don’t think I’ve ever asked how he is without a complaint about something being wrong. He’s also been on antidepressants my entire life. Over the last ten years, his mental health has really declined. I’m guessing it’s dementia, but he spends half his life at the GPs for his many ailments so I’m not sure how seriously they take him anymore (he has an appointment most weeks). It started with an obsession with bugs, he could see them and feel them on his skin constantly, he bought hundreds of hoovers, he scrubbed the carpets and rubbed his skin until it bled. Any mark he found anywhere on his body was evidence of bites. He would collect the ‘bugs’ in jars to show people and used to visit the local government offices regularly with his evidence. He was eventually diagnosed with dillusionary parasitosis but nothing can be done about it.
He had an operation a few years ago and refused to do any rehab so now can barely walk. My mother does everything around the house, including changing him and striping the sheets most nights as he is doubly incontinent. He is either in his chair or in his bed. He won’t even try to walk or do anything for himself. The only thing he does do, is play on his computer. He has online banking and regularly locks himself out. He likes to change electricity providers, supermarket deliveries, changes his tv package every few months which signs him up to hugely expensive package deals that I have to argue to get him out of (sky and virgin turned up to install on the same day once, he already had virgin so who knows what they were coming to do).
he refuses to consider moving or allowing any ‘old people’ aids in his house, so has to sit on a step and shuffle up or down (he can’t stand and climb the stairs). My mother lowers him onto the toilet And helps him into the shower where she’s placed a chair (won’t allow a proper seat to be installed). The problem is she won’t go against him, and he won’t allow any support at all. We arranged for carers to go in and offer support, but he refused to allow them to come back despite the fact they were helping my mum more than him.
I end up visiting multiple times a week because they need the help, but work/kids/life is making this exhausting for me. I wouldn’t mind if they would accept some changes that would make things easier, but he completely refuses, so she agrees with him. They have hundreds of thousands of pounds in the bank, but he’s the only one who has access to the accounts and I’m worried he loses it or sends it to someone and forgets what he’s done with it. Some days he seems ok, some days he can’t even remember who he banks with. I considered removing/hiding his computer, but it felt wrong to do that. Especially since it’s the only thing he likes to do.
so, if you’ve managed to read all that, what do I do? I’m so tried and frustrated but can’t work out a way out of it at all. Can I force them to accept support or just watch him decline until he is forced into care against his wishes?