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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

At what age do you think children benefit from nursery

60 replies

Emeraldrings · 09/08/2023 19:08

I don't want this to turn in to a nursery bashing thread but I do want to ask at what age do you think babies/children benefit from nursery? I don't mean just enjoy being there but when they actually start learning and benefiting socially from being there.
Would I be unreasonable to remove my son if I felt nursery wasn't benefiting him? He's actually 3 but is more at the older baby stage (so probably around 18 months with no guarantee he'll progress). I can't decide if nursery is a good idea or not, especially if he might not progress like his peers.

OP posts:

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 09/08/2023 19:10

It totally depends on the child. My son was in nursery from 9 months until he started school and it was massively beneficial to him. Why do you not think it’s not beneficial to your child?

BoohooWoohoo · 09/08/2023 19:11

Does he spend time with other children ?

monpetitlapin · 09/08/2023 19:12

Mine were both in from 10 months. Benefits of a good nursery were immediate. But never underestimate how badly a child's progress can stall in a bad nursery. DS had a massive speech delay and I think one nursery just ignored him most of the day, the feedback every day was "the class did this but DS just played with trains at the back". When we took him out and moved him to a better nursery, he had three big language explosions one after the other and now he has functional language.

pjani · 09/08/2023 19:14

Hopefully someone will come in with the research but I think it’s from about 2.5y? Don’t get me wrong, there are always benefits to going to nursery, but they’re around downsides too. I think it’s between 2 and 3 when the benefits outweigh the risks.

Of course that’s on average, so it definitely depends on trying to get the right setting for your child.

J7223j · 09/08/2023 19:15

Its difficult I would say follow your gut feeling. I had plenty of friends telling me my son should go to the local playground when he was 18 months old. He hated if and a carrie don sending him for a short while - he still says now at 16 that he hated. I was glad i took him out as he wasn't ready. He started school quite young - logistics of getting him into a good school kind of forced it but i have to say i think he would of benefitted from starting older. I think if they start nursery very young thats all they know but sometimes I think boys especially as not ready until they are maybe 3 or 4. Just my experience but every child is different go with you gut.

pjani · 09/08/2023 19:15

(To be clear both mine went before 2.5y as needs must etc)

Fundays12 · 09/08/2023 19:19

I don't think there is an age as such as it can depend on a variety of factors such as the child, how good the nursery is, how much exposure would they get to learning and other kids if they didn't go to nursery. I personally think nursery from the age of 3 is good but my eldest went from 2 and my younger 2 went to a childminder as babies.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 09/08/2023 19:19

My DD started just before she was 3 and has definitely benefitted. My DS started in the week of his first birthday and I'm still not sure he's benefitting 6mths later. He does love it there but I can't say he's learnt anything.
They go for two 10hr days a week.

stargirl1701 · 09/08/2023 19:20

Three years but the nursery/kindergarten phase should be 3-7 years with school starting after that.

SparkyBlue · 09/08/2023 19:21

My eldest started at 10 months and thrived. My second started at seven months and loved it as a baby/toddler but started to get very very unsettled around two and I became a sahm so he stayed at home until preschool at 3 (he had asd as it turns out). My youngest was fully at home with very little socialising due to the pandemic and started preschool at 3.5 and is now about to do her second year of pre school and she is by far the most confident sociable and outgoing of my three children.

TropicalTrama · 09/08/2023 19:21

I don’t think there is any benefit for under 2s. That’s not to say that it’s bad for them to go- I’d say it’s neutral, you do it because you need childcare to work or get stuff done which is of course fine. However, they definitely don’t miss out on anything if they don’t go when they’re under 2 because they’re all still in the solitary stage of play. At 2 they begin to do parallel play ie playing the same thing but alongside each other (not yet properly playing together) and I think some 2 year olds really benefit from nursery but personality dependent. Interaction during play starts at age 3 and coupled with preparation for school I think that’s the age where they really miss out if they don’t go.

So in short child dependent but somewhere between 2 and 3.

In your case, no I wouldn’t keep a 3YO at home unless there were SEN concerns. I might look for an alternative setting if I felt the current one didn’t suit or wasn’t good.

irrationallypink · 09/08/2023 19:24

2.5 up, personally

MrsHsGirl · 09/08/2023 19:24

I started sending my little boy when he turned 2. He hadn't been away from me before so struggled a bit with the transition which I think was harder due to him being that bit older, but the nursery were really helpful and it didn't take too long.

He has come on an incredible amount in a really short space of time since being there. His speech, social skills and confidence have all improved massively.

continentallentil · 09/08/2023 19:27

About 2.5 I think, bit younger if an early developer

But I think they benefit from some time in toddler groups certainly from 18 months

This is not to say that a good nursery is bad for under twos - just that is falls under childcare rather than development/educating

SensitiveB · 09/08/2023 19:27

Ours struggled with nursery as didn’t seem emotionally ready at 2 and I still regret trying a whole term before listening to DS. He’s 12 now and remembers hating being away and told me he wasn’t ready to be away from me yet . I think I was the same as a child as developed an anxiety (elective mutism) around then! He also never enjoyed playing or toys and his nursery didn’t understand when I told him what he enjoyed at home eg dot to dots and learning numbers.

i am taking our youngest to lots of playgroups and will try when he’s 2 but won’t push it if he doesn’t seem ready.

Sunshineclouds11 · 09/08/2023 19:29

Mine started at 2.5 and it hugely benefited him in regards to socialisation, speech and other developments.
Any earlier and I personally don't think he would have gained as much straight away.

Follow your gut.

Thinkinpinkin · 09/08/2023 19:29

I think from 2 onwards. My girl started when she was 2 and had a decent vocab for her age, could understand simple commands etc

NumberTheory · 09/08/2023 19:29

I don’t think there is any harm at younger ages at all, but I think children from the age of about 2, generally, benefit from increased social interaction. You get that in a nursery but it could also be provided by a SAHP who organized a lot of outings and activities with other children.

If a parent isn’t particularly interactive with their child or has other issues with parenting then nursery is likely to be more beneficial from an earlier age.

But children aren’t all the same (and neither are parents) so for an individual child it will always depend.

calmcoco · 09/08/2023 19:30

I don't think they do if the alternative is a positive home environment or quality childminder.

If the alternative is a negative home environment or bad childminder, then they will benefit.

WimpoleHat · 09/08/2023 19:31

2.5/3, I think. More from the point of view of encouraging a bit of independence than anything else. Reception classes used to be all about that - now that most children go to nursery, it has changed - so I think school must be a massive leap for a child who has never been in a pre school or nursery setting at all. Apart from anything else, it gets them used to being in an institutional setting and having to deal with a range of other kids, some of whom they might not like/get on with. Doesn’t need to be all day or every day at that age, but I think it is beneficial for them.

Fleur405 · 09/08/2023 19:38

if I understand your post your son has developmental delays is that right? So did my son. We sent him to nursery from 12 months as we (and his paediatrician) thought being around other kids may encourage his development. I don’t think that really worked but he did have significant learning disabilities. I think it really depends on the child and the nursery. Our nursery were great with his additional needs and our son did enjoy it there. He loved being around other kids and the sensory room they had - so I suppose that is a benefit in itself. But developmentally I don’t think it really made a difference to him.

I would just talk to nursery and see what they think. We had quarterly meetings with the supervisor of the baby room and the manager to discuss his needs and progress.

Sorry if I have misunderstood your post!

AmazingSnakeHead · 09/08/2023 19:39

Depends on the child! I sent mine a little too early, looking back. I'd wait until they can walk and talk a bit, then I think it's all good.

powerpufff · 09/08/2023 19:41

Former nursery nurse
This is my experience
Nursery is necessary for babies under 2 if the parents need childcare and this can be a wonderful and nurturing place for them. Do I think it is more beneficial than staying home with primary care givers ( mum, dad, nanny etc) absolutely not- babies do not need nursery at all but if parents need childcare this is a great option. The children who benefit from a nursery setting and who in my opinion should go are 18 months + year olds. At that age they require social interactions with other children, playing, communicating, sharing, learning and testing boundaries in a setting different to their home
So for babies there is no added benefit
But the benefits increase when the child is between lets say 2 and 3 cause they can fully participate in the nursery experience and it prepares them for school
The reality is parents need to work and nursery can be a safe and nurturing place for any age so I am not against very young babies going at all
This is purely my experience: for babies it is best for them to develop a very strong attachment to their key worker or primary caregiver, unfortunately nurseries have high staff turnover and I have seen babies change their key worker often, this causes lots of stress to the babies ( i have seen babies cry non stop with distress and generally it takes them longer to adapt)
This was my experience in the baby room
The preschoolers seemed more resilient to changes as they were more aware and they could express themselves with words

MillicentTrilbyHiggins · 09/08/2023 19:43

Neither of mine went until they were pre-school age and the funding kicked in. It was 12.5 hours per week then iirc. It certainly didn't hinder them in anyway that other children had been in day nursery before starting at the school nursery.

We did lots of toddler groups and meeting up with friends as well.

Alarae · 09/08/2023 19:47

Slightly different as my daughter started with her childminder from 11 months, but she was ready for a larger setting from about 2.5.

She's actually only moving this September (at 3.5) as I couldn't get a place in time as the largest intake was September and I elected not to try for it last year, which I did regret in the end.

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