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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my ex employers can’t do this?

187 replies

Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:00

I recently accepted a settlement to leave my job after discriminatory comments were made to me on two occasions after announcing my pregnancy.

it was a good offer so didn’t want to go into a long drawn out tribunal process whilst pregnant.

I left last week, today I received a message from an ex colleague asking if my mother was ok. I was confused as my mother died years ago in my early teens.

turns out after I had been paid off and left (was an abrupt leaving due to the situation) 2 days after I had officially gone an email was sent from my work email address saying goodbye to everyone and telling them I was leaving to take care of my sick and elderly mother!

it ended with ‘I’m sorry this is abrupt but for my own mental health I am requesting no one reach out via linked in as I’d like to put all my energy into my family’

I’m absolutely fuming, AIBU to think although yes my email address is technically their property they can’t pretend to be me and email everyone?

OP posts:
lto2019 · 10/08/2023 18:43

I would email and copy in all and say - it has come to my attention that this email was sent and I would like to make it clear this is wholly untrue. X bosses knows the true reason why I have left and have chosen to lie. My mother died in 19xx and I am not caring for any ailing relatives. If anyone would like to contact me - please do feel free to contact me via Linkedin or X.
Unless you signed a none disclosure as part of your settlement - I would also tell them the real reason you left but if you can't say the real reason you can call them out for lying.

ItsNotRocketSalad · 10/08/2023 18:45

That's terrible advice lto2019. Luckily I think the OP is too sensible to take it.

GoodChat · 10/08/2023 18:47

lto2019 · 10/08/2023 18:43

I would email and copy in all and say - it has come to my attention that this email was sent and I would like to make it clear this is wholly untrue. X bosses knows the true reason why I have left and have chosen to lie. My mother died in 19xx and I am not caring for any ailing relatives. If anyone would like to contact me - please do feel free to contact me via Linkedin or X.
Unless you signed a none disclosure as part of your settlement - I would also tell them the real reason you left but if you can't say the real reason you can call them out for lying.

She did sign an NDA. She said that in her second post.

lto2019 · 10/08/2023 18:53

GoodChat · 10/08/2023 18:47

She did sign an NDA. She said that in her second post.

Show quote history

Ahhh in that case ignore me! When you signed the nda - did you have to go through it with a solicitor - you maybe be able to ask them if the company can just make up why you left. To be fair - you might just be better saying nothing and being glad you are out of there. I don't think you would be doing anything wrong to say your mother died x years ago and leaving it at that.

CKL987 · 10/08/2023 18:54

I'd suggest you call Acas for advice.

Gardengirl108 · 10/08/2023 18:55

Just a thought, are you still able to log into your work email? Your ex employers sound pretty sloppy, so may have left your account open (they certainly did for at least 2 days after you left). You may be able to see the email yourself. If so, just don’t forward it anywhere - print or take pics.

Nain5 · 10/08/2023 18:58

I have a sked my dh who is studying cyber security on this for you. You need to get legal advice they would appear to contravened the 2006 Fraud and also the Computer Misuse Act 1990. What they have done is wrong and quite frankly disgusting. Hope all goes well with your precious baby, all the best xxx

timetoringthechanges · 10/08/2023 19:25

Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:17

Yes unfortunately it’s a very lengthy NDA/settlement agreement so I’m not sure whether I can comment or even reply to my ex colleague

Show quote history

You can reply to ex-colleague that your mother has been dead for many years as that is fact and will not be covered in the compromise agreement. They cannot stop you talking to ex-colleagues unless it is about the agreement.

You then need to meet ex-colleague and tell her face to face (i.e. no proof of communication) that you cannot say anything but she may wish to google what a "compromise agreement" is and that mostly people have obvious reasons for needing them "cradle bump"....

Emphasise you are unable to say anything or tell her anything....

Qbishy · 10/08/2023 19:27

Dear god that is appalling. The upside is, you're about to get some more money from them... Get onto your solicitor pronto!

ElizaAgainn · 10/08/2023 19:28

towriteyoumustlive · 09/08/2023 17:16

One way to handle it would be to put a message on LinkedIn that someone has sent an email round pretending to be you, and that you certainly didn't leave to look after your sick mother as she died many years ago, and unlike the email that said not to contact you, you look forward to keeping in touch with all the lovely people you worked with.

The message can always be deleted at a later date if needs be...

Probably about the best way to handle it - ie the "someone is pretending to be me" type email out to everyone possible one way or another. They'll probably find out - but they havent got a leg to stand on, as it's probably some sort of offence in law to impersonate someone else without their consent. If anyone says anything to you = you just pretend complete innocence and that you honestly thought it was some sort of prankster that had sent out the fake email from you. They won't dare admit it was really them....

Qbishy · 10/08/2023 19:29

timetoringthechanges · 10/08/2023 19:25

You can reply to ex-colleague that your mother has been dead for many years as that is fact and will not be covered in the compromise agreement. They cannot stop you talking to ex-colleagues unless it is about the agreement.

You then need to meet ex-colleague and tell her face to face (i.e. no proof of communication) that you cannot say anything but she may wish to google what a "compromise agreement" is and that mostly people have obvious reasons for needing them "cradle bump"....

Emphasise you are unable to say anything or tell her anything....

Show quote history

No, don't do this. This colleague clearly likes to talk, and will tell everyone what you told them to look up. That is a clear breach of your NDA.

Just get back to your solicitor, and let them handle it. Don't muddy the waters by talking to people.

Qbishy · 10/08/2023 19:30

ElizaAgainn · 10/08/2023 19:28

Probably about the best way to handle it - ie the "someone is pretending to be me" type email out to everyone possible one way or another. They'll probably find out - but they havent got a leg to stand on, as it's probably some sort of offence in law to impersonate someone else without their consent. If anyone says anything to you = you just pretend complete innocence and that you honestly thought it was some sort of prankster that had sent out the fake email from you. They won't dare admit it was really them....

Show quote history

Don't do any of this either! Until you have spoken to your solicitor. What they have done is really, really serious. And you are going to get some more money from them.

Thinking2022 · 10/08/2023 19:41

i would call a reputable law firm like Fox williams who usually offer one hour free advice. this will let you know if you have a claim and if so how to bring it without legal representation. is your friend able to forward the email to you?

anon666 · 10/08/2023 19:47

I've experienced some pretty shitty treatment from crap employers but that has really shocked me.

They've impersonated you with false information. That's quite serious in my book, I'm conflict averse (not worth the effort) but that would have me contacting my union/a lawyer.

anon666 · 10/08/2023 19:48

Just to add, normally with an NDA and severance package you will agree your "reason for leaving" and any statement. They can't just make one up!

CantFindMyMarbles · 10/08/2023 20:01

This is actually a huge violation of GDPR.
Id be making formal complaints and saying I will now be going to tribunal despite settlement

ihadamarveloustime · 10/08/2023 20:02

I can't even!

Surely the non disclosure applies to their side as well and they can't make something up like this to tell everyone!

I'd take legal advice with the solicitor you used for the (first) settlement package.

ihadamarveloustime · 10/08/2023 20:03

CantFindMyMarbles · 10/08/2023 20:01

This is actually a huge violation of GDPR.
Id be making formal complaints and saying I will now be going to tribunal despite settlement

That's an interesting take as well! Hadn't thought of GDPR obligations.

CPRMummy · 10/08/2023 20:19

That is absolutely crazy! I'd contact a solicitor citing that this has brought up your Mother's death and is harmful to yours and your baby's health due to stress. The settlement you've had should be the tip of the iceberg!

Lamelie · 10/08/2023 20:25

FishNetz · 09/08/2023 17:11

Have you agreed not to share information in exchange for settlement? if not I’d email or text the colleagues you know stating that very strangely someone has sent an email from your old work account, you didn’t write it and what it claims is fictional, your mother passed away x and the reason you left abruptly was due to discriminatory comments around your pregnancy. You’d like to keep in touch with everyone.

It’s awful they have lied and lumped fictional mental health and parental death into the equation. I wonder if there is some work legislation to deal with these lies?

There’s time for that later but for now @Wowsharona dont do that, you need legal advice before you approach anyone.
Are you a member of a union? If not contact ACAS, and Pregnant then screwed.

Trying81 · 10/08/2023 20:29

You would usually agree wording of any leaving statement as part of a settlement agreement; is it definitely not in there hidden away?

I had similar, again maternity related and they took out the wording relating to my maternity leave in mine - frustrating but apparently that was allowed as was a minor immaterial change

In all the clauses which say you can’t disclose anything on social media etc, there may be one also agreeing what the company can / cannot say

I would speak to whichever lawyer acted for you, you may have to pay them though as your ex employer only has to pay for your legal advice when signing the settlement agreement - but I highly doubt you’ve signed anything which gives your ex employer the right to send an email
on your behalf which is untrue

Jellifulfruit · 10/08/2023 20:34

Jesus, that’s outrageous. I’d be absolutely fuming. It’s a (albeit softer level of) fraud.

TunnocksOrDeath · 10/08/2023 20:50

Personally I would consider suing them for the potential damage to your reputation. You may have mentioned your mother passing away to several people who have now received a mail, supposedly from you, claiming that she's alive and in need of care. They've made you out to be a liar, which could impact you professionally down the line. You need a correction and a public apology at the very least.

daisychain01 · 10/08/2023 21:09

Personally I would consider suing them for the potential damage to your reputation.

yup you'd really be onto a winner there, suing for "potential" damage or potential anything for that matter. Good luck with that one, hopefully the OP will get proper RW legal advice meanwhile ....

Imsureitsprobablymebut · 10/08/2023 21:21

Ask them to forward you the email, then seek legal advice.