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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my ex employers can’t do this?

187 replies

Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:00

I recently accepted a settlement to leave my job after discriminatory comments were made to me on two occasions after announcing my pregnancy.

it was a good offer so didn’t want to go into a long drawn out tribunal process whilst pregnant.

I left last week, today I received a message from an ex colleague asking if my mother was ok. I was confused as my mother died years ago in my early teens.

turns out after I had been paid off and left (was an abrupt leaving due to the situation) 2 days after I had officially gone an email was sent from my work email address saying goodbye to everyone and telling them I was leaving to take care of my sick and elderly mother!

it ended with ‘I’m sorry this is abrupt but for my own mental health I am requesting no one reach out via linked in as I’d like to put all my energy into my family’

I’m absolutely fuming, AIBU to think although yes my email address is technically their property they can’t pretend to be me and email everyone?

OP posts:
Newusernametostayanon · 09/08/2023 17:26

That was to @FoodFann

Royalbloo · 09/08/2023 17:29

It's shite but I'd either leave it or factually tell them your mother died years ago.

babbscrabbs · 09/08/2023 17:31

Newusernametostayanon · 09/08/2023 17:25

I am a lawyer and have dealt with many settlements. Assuming all you want is a correction (not £ which I doubt you would get anyway), I would just email them and say you’re aware of this (ideally attach a photo that does not identify who took it) and you need it corrected in an all company email copying you. Send that to whoever on their side dealt with the settlement and cc the lawyer that acted for you. Good luck!

Do this.

That is fucking outrageous!

VictoriaVenkman · 09/08/2023 17:32

Have you seen the email that was sent?

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2023 17:33

I’ve worked with lawyers on Compromise/Settlement Agreements. Normally as the lawyer mentions here just a correction would suffice but not only have they lied about why she left but have said it’s to care for a sick and elderly mother who’s died when her own mother has died many years before. This is triggering, could trigger stress etc around the bereavement and there’s absolutely no need for it.

Definitely speak to your lawyer who drafted the agreement and if it’s caused you distress re your mother then make this very clear.

I’d be fuming. It could upset other family members who were aware of this too.

Original poster
Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:33

EpidermalLayer · 09/08/2023 17:23

I'm actually sitting here open-mouthed.
Not only is this ridiculous, it's completely unnecessary!
They didn't even need to tell people that you'd left.

This was my exact thought, I’ve signed a lengthy settlement agreement so even if people did message me asking why I left or to see what had happened I couldn’t say anyway!

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 09/08/2023 17:36

This feels to me very much like sticking the boot in and possibly done maliciously, thinking either you would not find out or guessing that someone would tell you - still malicious.

Daphnis156 · 09/08/2023 17:40

You are well out of that place.

I think you might find ex colleagues don't want to get involved, so the advice from the lawyer above seems best.

If you don't have an actual copy of the false statement it's difficult.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 09/08/2023 17:42

towriteyoumustlive · 09/08/2023 17:16

One way to handle it would be to put a message on LinkedIn that someone has sent an email round pretending to be you, and that you certainly didn't leave to look after your sick mother as she died many years ago, and unlike the email that said not to contact you, you look forward to keeping in touch with all the lovely people you worked with.

The message can always be deleted at a later date if needs be...

I was thinking the same.

Also agree - ask for the screenshot/photo from your colleague and contact the solicitor who dealt with your settlement.

Augend23 · 09/08/2023 17:44

Could you do a SAR in relation to yourself to obtain the information legitimately, without dropping anyone in it.

thinkfast · 09/08/2023 17:49

Hi OP

You mention that you recently accepted a settlement. Have you been paid in full for everything you're due under the settlement agreement? Speak to your solicitor, but I'd suggest not asking for a correction of this dreadful lie until after you've received full payment. A business that would do this cannot be trusted and might try to use a communication from you as an unreasonable excuse not to pay you - particularly if there are restrictions in the settlement agreement on contacting employees.

EvilElsa · 09/08/2023 17:57

I had very similar with my ex boss when I left and won a settlement. He told everyone he had sacked me as I was unreliable when really he had been fully at fault (I really can't say here as what he did is very identifying but it was sexual harassment related) and also had been paying me incorrectly for years and lying to HMRC and giving me dodgy payslips (which I didn't know until just before I left). I had full evidence of my resignation and settlement so he was a bit thick really! I just told everyone who asked that this wasn't the case and that I had actually won a tribunal but didn't go into details. Luckily everyone around here knows he is a total dick.

MikeRafone · 09/08/2023 18:03

I think I would send a rather curt email to the person whom sent the round robin

To send out an email about caring for my sick mother when she has been dead x amount of years is disturbing - especially when I now have ex colleagues enquiring about her health.

You need ask them to correct this error to stop these emails from coming through after they have lied and now caused further upset, otherwise I will seek further legal advice

vipersnest1 · 09/08/2023 18:05

I'd reply, 'Thank you for your thoughts. You can find my mum's obituary here:' and give a link.
Anyone with half a brain would have a look, as they would wonder why you mentioned it.
You haven't actually said anything about why you left, and they can't say anything to you without looking like complete arses!

Fanlover1122 · 09/08/2023 18:05

There is an obligation that personal data be kept up to date. Compliance with privacy laws is a statutory duty which a settlement agreement doesn’t trump.

It might be better coming from the solicitor that advised on settlement agreement, and also point your solicitor to the latest ICO guidance on subject access requests, which specifically mentions settlement agreements. While the specific point in the ICO guidance is right of subject access - it would follow that a settlement agreement cannot override privacy laws.

As a lawyer that has been involved in many exits of people leaving a business, I cannot believe your former employer did that. There was definitely no legal advice taken!

TheCatterall · 09/08/2023 18:09

@Wowsharona so you can’t discuss what happened.

But could you state that due to a non disclosure etc you can’t discuss the actual agreement but you can categorically state that their whole email about you was fabricated and you look forward to connecting with colleagues on LinkedIn etc?

we’ve done this with my partner. Can’t discuss the payout etc. but we do explain that he had to sign something and can’t discuss it. Says it all to most people really.

He’s also had over 60% of colleagues that have left from his department had to sign non disclosure agreements. And the company (a college) are renowned for a high staff turnover… people know and can read between the lines.

Original poster
Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 18:10

thinkfast · 09/08/2023 17:49

Hi OP

You mention that you recently accepted a settlement. Have you been paid in full for everything you're due under the settlement agreement? Speak to your solicitor, but I'd suggest not asking for a correction of this dreadful lie until after you've received full payment. A business that would do this cannot be trusted and might try to use a communication from you as an unreasonable excuse not to pay you - particularly if there are restrictions in the settlement agreement on contacting employees.

Hi, yes I’ve received every penny thank god!

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 09/08/2023 18:11

Can you get a copy of the email before you decide if to take action?

N27 · 09/08/2023 18:11

You should have had legal advice when signing the agreement so I would get in touch with the solicitor and ask what can be done, usually it includes what both parties can or can’t say following the termination

Original poster
Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 18:15

PoseyFlump · 09/08/2023 18:11

Can you get a copy of the email before you decide if to take action?

I’ve asked the co worker to forward me the email or to take a pic and send it but they’ve not replied.

Ill look into doing a requenst for my data as mentioned by other posters if they say no or ignore me for much longer

OP posts:
PoseyFlump · 09/08/2023 18:17

Definitely SAR as next step if you can't get a screenshot. Good luck!

sunnywun · 09/08/2023 18:18

I'm no lawyer, but this seems to sail awfully close to libel. (I had to check the difference between libel and slander), here's the definition:

"Both libel and slander are forms of defamation, but libel is found in print, and slander is found in speech. Libel refers to a written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavourable impression, whereas slander refers to a false spoken statement that is made to cause people to have a bad opinion of someone."

Not sure how that sits with your agreement with them. Shouldn't the 'no talking' rule go both ways, in which case they have done what they stopped you from doing, only they have lied.

Get the evidence photographed and get advice from whoever represented you. Good luck.

PoseyFlump · 09/08/2023 18:19

I very rarely use the C word but whoever sent this email is a grade A c*

VimtoPassion · 09/08/2023 18:22

sunnywun · 09/08/2023 18:18

I'm no lawyer, but this seems to sail awfully close to libel. (I had to check the difference between libel and slander), here's the definition:

"Both libel and slander are forms of defamation, but libel is found in print, and slander is found in speech. Libel refers to a written or oral defamatory statement or representation that conveys an unjustly unfavourable impression, whereas slander refers to a false spoken statement that is made to cause people to have a bad opinion of someone."

Not sure how that sits with your agreement with them. Shouldn't the 'no talking' rule go both ways, in which case they have done what they stopped you from doing, only they have lied.

Get the evidence photographed and get advice from whoever represented you. Good luck.

I think it's libel too, but you'd still have to prove you were harmed by the untruth.

JenWillsiam · 09/08/2023 18:26

An NDA will presumably include not being able to discuss reasons you left. That doesn’t mean they can make up complete fiction. I would get legal advice.