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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be offended annoying/weak traits being compared to girls

40 replies

Lil82 · 09/08/2023 16:56

Hi

i have 4 children. One of the boys is not greats at sports, has a high pitched voice, very sensitive and emotional.

whenever he runs DH always compares his running to a girl. When he laughs and sequels it’s “my god stop screaming like a girl”. When he gets upset on arguments with his siblings it’s stop whining like a girl/ being a girl/ man up etc etc.
the girls will also say this, and son just laughs about it.

I guess I just feel annoyed that every time son does something annoying or not great it’s compared to being a girl and aibu thinking it’s sexiest and offensive to girls? Also to my son?
he doesn’t seem to care but maybe he does?
also the girls join in and also seem to think it’s just men who can fix everything or do everyone well. It’s not just DH, I know a lot of people generally use the screaming like a girl/running like a girl term and honestly most boys I have know could scream higher and whine more so bI just don’t get why all these things are apparently just girl things and made out like it’s a bad thing to do anything like a girl :/
mor am I overthinking this?’l!

OP posts:
ithinkhesawus · 09/08/2023 16:57

Yes its a real problem. All you can do is educate your own kids.

GoodChat · 09/08/2023 16:57

You need to correct your H in front of the children.

Doingmybest12 · 09/08/2023 16:59

No you aren't over thinking it. I agree correct your husband in front of the children.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/08/2023 17:00

I'm sorry your husband is a sexist twat. It's a shame for your children. I wouldn't be with anyone like that, don't know anyone like that. But as you seem to be prepared to put up with him, all you can do is call him out on him every time.

Original poster
Lil82 · 09/08/2023 17:01

Doingmybest12 · 09/08/2023 16:59

No you aren't over thinking it. I agree correct your husband in front of the children.

thanks. I do try to correct him, but when I did today the girls jumped in siding with my husband and asking me why I was so offended!
thiink it’s more annoying that my girls are thinking this is ok/the norm :(

OP posts:
Wowsharona · 09/08/2023 17:02

Unfortunately you’ve married and procreated with a sexist twat

Original poster
Lil82 · 09/08/2023 17:04

Well thanks all, good to know I’m not overthinking it, and I keep trying to correct him but I feel like it’s not getting through!
maybe I’m saying the wrong things.
he also keeps offering to do certain things only with the boys that he calls ‘man thibgs’ when I know one of the girls is more interested in! I keep telling him that but now she’s stopped asking :(

OP posts:
PimpMyFridge · 09/08/2023 17:04

That kind of sexist bs is not tolerated in my house. DH doesn't do it, better does my ds or DD.
Sadly your kids don't know any better as you DH has given them the idea it's normal to expect weak/emotional/annoying to equate to girl.

In practice many men are weak and emotional, but these attitudes mean they don't even know it cos how could they be!

Original poster
Lil82 · 09/08/2023 17:06

PimpMyFridge · 09/08/2023 17:04

That kind of sexist bs is not tolerated in my house. DH doesn't do it, better does my ds or DD.
Sadly your kids don't know any better as you DH has given them the idea it's normal to expect weak/emotional/annoying to equate to girl.

In practice many men are weak and emotional, but these attitudes mean they don't even know it cos how could they be!

Yes I also find it very unhelpful to my seinsitive son. DH always wishes he wasn’t so sentive but I don’t want him to change!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lil82 · 09/08/2023 17:09

oh and nothing wrong with being sensitive.
he’s a very thoughtful wee boy and always sees when someone needs help etc.
he wanted a doll once and DH told him he didn’t, and told me he’s just copying his sisters.
I bought him the doll anyway! He’s so good with babies!

OP posts:
RoseslnTheHospital · 09/08/2023 17:11

Your girls jump in to agree with your DH because they've internalised and absorbed the message he's been sending them. I wouldn't tolerate it from my partner. It's going to be difficult to sort out seeing as your DH seems totally unrepentant and totally unaware of the damage he's doing to all your children with his pathetic sexism.

FoodFann · 09/08/2023 17:13

Thank god they’ve got you

Marblessolveeverything · 09/08/2023 17:34

Call it out each and every time loud and proud. And I would question him so as a father to daughters does he see them as lesser? And watch him cringe

arethereanyleftatall · 09/08/2023 17:44

I feel more sorry for your daughters than your son. How do they feel knowing their father thinks so little of them? Or of women in general? They're not going to be entering the world aiming high with this sorry excuse for a father.

GoodChat · 09/08/2023 19:08

I do try to correct him, but when I did today * the girls jumped in siding with my husband and asking me why I was so offended!*

So explain it to them!

Idtotallybangdreamoftheendlessnotgonnalie · 09/08/2023 19:16

Can you pick a moment to discuss it with him privately rather than one upping him in front of the kids?

Just tell him you're worried about what he's doing to the girls self esteem. Ask him if he's heard of negging, because that's essentially what he's doing to them.

If he gets angry, ask him why he's so emotional, aren't emotions a bit girly?? Why is he whining like a little bitch?

If he carries on I'd just tell him to stop using girl as a lazy fucking insult. If the girls argue back, congratulate them on being top notch Pick Me girls?

PimpMyFridge · 09/08/2023 21:26

Vitriol based on unfounded prejudice is damaging to boys and girls growing up.
Shame felt for normal human emotions become part of the unconscious inhibitions which prevent healthy reactions.
There are women I know with more grit in their little finger than some men can ever aspire to.
His disparaging comparison is painting a very reductive valuation on the females in his house.
I couldn't respect that.

onefinemess · 09/08/2023 21:42

Do girls scream?

Yes they do.

So it's no inaccurate to compare certain behaviour to a girl screaming. It's an evolutionary response, females are generally weaker than males, so instead of physically fighting back we have developed a startle mechanism, a girls scream is loud to startle would be attackers and give a chance of escape.

I don't see the problem.

RoseslnTheHospital · 09/08/2023 21:58

"So it's no inaccurate to compare certain behaviour to a girl screaming. It's an evolutionary response, females are generally weaker than males, so instead of physically fighting back we have developed a startle mechanism, a girls scream is loud to startle would be attackers and give a chance of escape. "

This is pseudo scientific nonsense. Yes women are generally weaker than men. No, we haven't evolved a special defensive shriek to startle attackers. Hmm

All children can scream and squeal, just as loud as each other, regardless of their sex.

Hankunamatata · 09/08/2023 22:11

Pulled my husband up on this and gave him a long feminist rant. He doesn't do it anymore.

ThreeLittleDots · 09/08/2023 22:16

My female friend and her husband both did this to their boys. Unsurprisingly the boys have grown up to be emotionally illiterate arseholes.

PixiePirate · 09/08/2023 22:16

I completely empathise - my husband once talked about someone ‘running like a girl’ when we were out for lunch with friends. Seeing as I had just run a marathon and he could barely run for a bus, I interjected and told him that if he were to train really hard, one day he might be capable of running like a girl too. He looked like a puppy that had been kicked and our male friend tried to defend him. Infuriating.

Bernadinetta · 09/08/2023 22:33

CamelSilk · 09/08/2023 22:07

Show them the Always advert.

I was going to post this too

Shudacudawuda · 09/08/2023 22:58

I was also going to post that advert!