To be offended annoying/weak traits being compared to girls

[Lil82]

Hi

i have 4 children. One of the boys is not greats at sports, has a high pitched voice, very sensitive and emotional.

whenever he runs DH always compares his running to a girl. When he laughs and sequels it’s “my god stop screaming like a girl”. When he gets upset on arguments with his siblings it’s stop whining like a girl/ being a girl/ man up etc etc.
the girls will also say this, and son just laughs about it.

I guess I just feel annoyed that every time son does something annoying or not great it’s compared to being a girl and aibu thinking it’s sexiest and offensive to girls? Also to my son?
he doesn’t seem to care but maybe he does?
also the girls join in and also seem to think it’s just men who can fix everything or do everyone well. It’s not just DH, I know a lot of people generally use the screaming like a girl/running like a girl term and honestly most boys I have know could scream higher and whine more so bI just don’t get why all these things are apparently just girl things and made out like it’s a bad thing to do anything like a girl :/
mor am I overthinking this?’l!

You're raising 21st C adults with a 1950s father. (I have always said I was raising adults, I didn't want to raise children).

My own dad was born in 1928 but my 3 sisters and I were all raised as outspoken feminists. So age is not any excuse.

My concern is that your voice is being dismissed by your husband. If your own husband dismisses you, no wonder the children do too.

You say you have a "very sensitive and emotional" son.

Have you ever thought maybe the reason he's like this is because your idiot of a husband puts him down all the time? And now his sisters join in?

Your poor son.

Thanks all lots of good comments and things to think about.

I like that my son is sensitive to the needs of others etc, but yes he does get a bit emotional at times too. DH always says he wishes son wasn’t so emotional, but when he does have argument with sisters DH ALWAYS sticks up for son and blames the girls telling them to leave son alone even when son started it!
it’s like he thinks arguments is a girl trait ans always the girls fault?! I do stick up for the girls in this situation, but i do see son feeds into it, ans does not behave like that when DH is not around.
he assumes what the kids will like for Christmas based on their gender and I have to remind him that’s not what our kids like!
I actually swapped tags on gifts one year and afterwards DH was like “we finally got it right”
honeslty he just keeps deciding he knows best and I wish he’d listen more!
I feel sorry for the girls, seems like they always have to try harder…

thiink it’s more annoying that my girls are thinking this is ok/the norm

Your husband is setting your daughter's up for a lifetime of internalised misogyny.

If you don't want them to end up with someone like your sexist twat of a husband, you need to be speaking to them sharpish.

😂 fucking hell! This is absolute nonsense. Do you think men are so strong they could fight off a lion, and are unable to scream?
What a fool.

Your husband is a disgusting sexist pig, I couldn’t tolerate raising children with such a damaging influence. You really need to put your foot down on this, it’s not ok, he’s setting his daughters up to believe they’re second to males, why does he think that’s ok?

My Dad was so unbelievably misogynistic growing up. It was horrible. I see my brothers with the sabe trait and it is horrible too. I really recommend that you address this misogyny with your husband. He is damaging your whole family with his childish unaddressed prejudice.

You have to call this out, we all do. Every time. It’s sooooo frustrating .

Your DH sounds awful. I just want to point out something to you though, your DS sounds non conforming, which is great of course, but for your DH to tell him not to like or do certain things because they are "girly" will cause confusion. A lot of non conforming kids just turn out to be gay.

Your girls are being set a really bad example, you need a hard feminist rant at him.

I'm curious to know how this has happened. Presumably he wasn't a sexist pig when you met him, married him or decided to have children with him. How did he go from being a decent man who values and respects girls and women to being someone you really shouldn't be raising children with?

I know boys raised by sexist men like your husband can educate themselves and become good men but how does one go the opposite way?

Your husband doesn't even seem to want to learn to be a better person, a better role model for his children.

I read your post and felt sad for your son but also incredibly sad for your daughters who have clearly internalised years of his shit.

just ask your dd how she runs?… does she run like a ‘girl’?

This - loudly and clearly.

Tell him now that you’re not going to stand for it in future . Can he explain why he has a negative view of females? You need to stamp on this quickly as your DC are copying him. If he carries on, I’d shout ‘And why are you talking like a moron?’ If they all turn on you, DC because they want their dad’s approval, then I’d withdrawn maternal services for a while until they can express more positive comments about females. I demand respect on s house full of males. They all know that if they come out with crap like this I will be doing less for them as a result.

He also needs to know that he might well have to explain himself to the teacher if your DC repeat it at school.

Daughters are athletic and play sports for school teams. Son is not sporty at all. It’s not a gender thing, just different personalities and interests. I am also sporty. DH is not. Which makes some of his comments even more confusing. None of us, including DH fit into any kind of box! Going by DH comments that would mean all the males in our family run like girls and all the females run like men??!! (Obviously I don’t think that).
DH also cries at most films whereas I have never cried at a film. Nothing wrong with it of course, just really don’t understand him soemtimes!

You need to correct it, every time in my opinion. My DH does it very occasionally, to a far lesser extent and not related to humans (we have a daft male dog who is likened to a princess, which annoys the crap out of me!). Misogyny is easily turned to an unconscious and unrealised thing for young women unless challenged and hopefully in doing so, they won't accept it going forwards either.

@Lil82

You mentioned two messages ago that you had things to think about.

And then posted again talking about round the edge of the problem with little anecdotes about your children.

Everyone has pointed out to you that it is is your awful misogynistic husband that is the massive problem. This isn't small op, ideas get ingrained in children, your girls will likely marry shit head men because it's the only normal they know. And no one is telling or showing them how wrong it is.

What you actually need to think about, to stop any more of the horrendous damage that is currently being done, is how to get your children as far away from their prick of a father.