“We paid in all our lives”: AIBU to think, No you didn’t?

[Perlman]

My grandparents are traditional red wall labour voters. Born during WWII to poor families, they live where they grew up. My grandad worked in a factory and my nan worked as a secretary. Like many of their generation, they lived in and bought their council house. Very caring people until it comes to politics. They are hugely racist and advocate for sinking any refugee boats. This is despite the fact that some of their grandparents were refugees from Russia!

They want the triple lock, free bus passes, heating allowance, increased benefits for older people, et cetera. They think anyone who isn’t old who takes benefits is a scrounger and lazy. They say young people can’t afford to buy a house because they are lazy. They have inherited several, but put down their relatively comfortable position in retirement as to their ‘hard work’.

They justify their opinions and entitlement by saying “we paid in all ours lives, it’s our money”. AIBU to think that, well no, not really. You may have paid in money through taxation but clearly they are net beneficiaries of the state. They both had low paid jobs, bought and sold on their council house for a tidy profit, have thankfully lived a long life but with a myriad of expensive to treat health problems. So no, they haven’t paid for what they’re taking!

Yeah you are never going to change them it's such a shame they choose to talk/,think like that they would be so much happier if they didn't and left people alone.

Why does it matter to you whether they have paid all their lives? They have done what the majority of people do.
You sound as if you resent them for wanting free bus passes and access to health care.

They've inherited several houses despite coming from poor backgrounds and living in a council house?

I don’t resent them at all. I do resent the fact they think a struggling single mum shouldn’t get free school meals for her kids, but they should get increased pensions above inflation because they paid in.

Yes, they inherited both of their parents very modest houses, and an unmarried aunt’s house.

It's a different generation and yes - they may have experienced war, but the fact of the matter is, if they did what they did nowadays they would be living on the breadline for their entire lives.
They are very wrong in their view but you know what, you'll never change it so I reckon just avoid those topics.

You are absolutely right. Unfortunately, there are far too many who think like this and they are too old to change their minds 🤷‍♀️

Given that the national debt rose during this same period, that suggests to me that the government were spending these taxes, plus borrowing from tomorrow (ie from the people paying in now - who are also borrowing from tomorrow).

So they probably have already had more than they paid in. Both individually and collectively as a generation.

Politicians spend now, then leave the mess for someone else. They kick the can down the road for the next person etc etc

If they judge you so badly then why hang out with them? Honestly I think people like this should be given a wide berth, if they are so judgemental, family or not.

I suppose you have already told them that you do not want to inherit anything from them.

Unfortunately this kind of thinking is very prevalent amongst older people who are in a comfortable position. It is unpleasant and upsetting that they are racist too, despite their family background. I know where you are coming from, I deal with similar, though my relatives wouldn't be so extreme as to suggest sinking refugee boats, that's just nasty.

People like this tend to live in a bit of a bubble, mainly talking to those in a similar position who think along the same lines. All you can do is challenge them gently. Perhaps reduce contact if it upsets you too much?

YANBU.

I hate it when people say things like “I’ve paid in, so I deserve it”.

No, Jessica, you haven’t and won’t ever have put enough in “the system” with your low paid job for all of two years, council house and three kids, and neither did your parents.

The majority of people are not net contributers and take out far more than they can ever hope to put back in.

Honestly, when people talk about sinking refugee boats they are talking out of their stupid arse.

If you made them go and watch people drowning they would change their minds.

Racists tend to have a real lack of critical thinking skills and it's easy for them to just spout this shit. I know, I have members in my family unfortunately who talk like this but when push came to shove, they would never cope with watching the reality of it.

And sadly lots of the older generation are quite ignorant to how much things have changed. They were able to buy their homes when they were in low unskilled roles and have then benefited from the lifestyle owning their own property affords them. Trying to explain the maths to family members who do not understand why I cannot buy a house is like trying to teach a garden snail how to knit a hat.

Nice of you to slate your grandparents on the internet.

What, her racist grandparents? Pretty sure thats ok.

Sounds like her grandparents are cunts, to be fair ...

They sound like awful, nasty and quite thick people. Not sure why you would spend time with them even if they are older and related. Being older is no excuse for believing in murdering people because they are brown and poor. I hope you don’t expose any children to these disgusting individuals?

What’s wrong with resenting that? They don’t need them

YABU to keep being around who make you feel like this.

*around people

Sinking people on boats- who on earth think that’s ok.
They’re disgusting and obviously wrong as they’ve been a liability on the whole, and taken more than they’ve put into the system.
You will not change their minds tho.

ooo look, another ageist hâte thread! Yippee

How is this ageist?

Are older family members exempt from criticism?

They sound vile. Exactly the sort of people who will wail and complain when their family shows zero interest in visiting them as they decline they have nothing to offer their family in terms of love or support. They're just blocking resources, i imagine theyll leave it all to some random 'good cause' and think it'll teach their family. .

You slate them but my god you are not so bloody wonderful yourself. To rip your Grandparents to shreds on SM is beyond low, maybe you would rather they gave up the myriad of health treatments ( i take it you won't ever use the NHS) One day they will be gone and when you stand at their graves your scathing attack may just come back to haunt you.

If they are like my parents their standard of living was probably substantially below what it is for people growing up today. My parents remember having an outside toilet when they were growing up and when we were younger could never afford going out for dinner, going abroad on holiday, and we only had treats like coke, chocolate etc on special ocassions. Things I take for granted with my kids. As standards of living have risen they compare their youth with that of people today and see a huge difference. However they did benefit from inheritance and house price increases as they got older (although had poor health so couldn’t appreciate it). Each generation has different experiences and different issues. Blaming other generations doesn’t help anyone.