Worried I don't have the personality to work in care

[Baconsandwich33]

I work in a couple of different care settings, domiciliary as well as care homes. Some of it is via an agency which makes it a challenge from the start as lot of permanent staff don't like 'the agencies'.
I get it, it's difficult working with someone who doesn't know the routine and who you have to explain new things to. Some residents don't like having agency staff see to them either.
Anyway, I've shadowed a few people/worked as a pair and so on and often the other carer will have a lot of banter with the resident/client.
Or, they're very affectionate, "Hello my beautiful angel, I love you so much."
Or having lots of in jokes.
I do genuinely care for the residents and clients, I'm polite, interested in them, smile and I'm helpful.
I just don't have that sort of personality and I'm more quiet. I'm not by any means cold or rude, though.
Some companies promote themselves heavily on social media, and carers regularly get nominated by clients in home care. It's often the same names.
I don't know how to instantly build that rapport with people. I don't believe I'm hard to get on with, I'm just more reserved, however I'm professional and do my job properly.
Maybe I'm just overthinking it, I know my hard work and gentle approach is appreciated, but I've never been popular anywhere in life and I'm just worried I am not the right person for care work.

This can also apply to friendships and other areas of life. I just don't have a wow factor or charisma to most people sadly.

If I were the person being cared for, I would far prefer your approach. Being told I’m a beautiful angel and a carer ‘loves me so much’ sounds both false and patronising.

Your rapport with the person you’re working with is a separate matter.

It's always 'hiya gorgeous' 'hiya my sweetie pie' and then some in joke that they share. Obviously this is different with people that lack capacity.
I know it's to make the patients feel special and loved, it's just not my personality. Hopefully some do appreciate me.

You're over thinking it. You just need to be able to support them and build relationships which is harder as cover. Some of the residents will have quieter personalities just like you. My wife worked in care homes for about 20 years. She's autistic so social chit chat just isn't her thing. But she's caring, dependable and practical. She ended up being the dignity champion and leading others. A good care worker is hard to find. There's no point trying to develop a personality you don't have. Just focus on communicating a bit more s a start

Your colleagues approach sounds patronising and infantilising.

Unless the service user has learning difficulties or dementia where that approach is comforting, I don't think it's necessary.

Elderly/unwell people in care homes are still people that often have their faculties and should be treated respectfully and as an adult.

Or some carers have always got a sing song voice, stuff like that. Honestly I'd find that grating in friends though.
Your wife does sound like a great carer.
I will try to not overthinking it, just the constant gushing about the same personalities gets a little annoying.

I'm on the other side, recently having to start having carers in 4 times a day. It was a massive shock, and initially felt intrusive. I would have much preferred someone like you, quiet, calm and hardworking to come in, as I found the loud, ' help darlin' st the top of their voices and 'banter' really hard to take.

I now have new caters, and we have built up
A rapport and relationship but it takes time. Please don't over think it. You sound lovely and thoughtful xx

That's how I've always tried to treat people I look after.
Like I hate how so many carers refer to elderly people as 'cute'. It's very patronising.

Those people would be irritating anywhere! You sound lovely and highly capable, I know which I'd prefer xx

I hope you're getting more used to having carers, it must have been huge adjustment for you.
Thank you, I appreciate it.

I've been in care for 12 years, and honestly what makes a good carer is actually caring about your job and the residents. If you care that they are clean, fed and generally well cared for then you're a wonderful carer. The "banter" isn't important, their welfare is. I'm sure you can have a laugh and a joke with them, that's more than enough. You aren't paid to be Michael McIntyre.
The overly affectionate ones are highly unprofessional, so please don't compare yourself to those individuals, they are crossing professional boundaries when displaying these behaviours.

As long as you are treating these individuals with dignity and respect you are doing a great job, and you are suiting to that role! We need good carers.

Your colleagues sound really common. You sound lovely.

Just be your authentic self....smiling, being polite and asking the residents what they would or how they would like help is more respectful than a blanket false approach

Thank you. I should be more confident in my own approach.

My grandpa's favourite in his care facility is an unbelievably surly woman who looks like she could go toe to toe with a grizzly bear and win. He thinks she's fantastic.

It takes all sorts OP, you don't have to be saccharine and airy fairy to do well in care, I imagine lots of residents will prefer someone more reserved and quiet - I know I would! I'd find it hugely patronising to be spoken to like a chihuahua.

You sound great. Don’t worry about it.

You’ve just reminded me that by far my favourite midwife on the postnatal ward (complicated birth so had to stay longer) was an incredibly surly-looking older Barbadian woman who was silently very attentive and made me feel very cared for, while she never cracked a smile.

Once she did say, over her shoulder while leaving the room , as if she grudged it, ‘Handsome baby.’

She was great.

Yes you should. Not all residents enjoy all that jolly banter. I am sure lots of people would appreciate your calmer quieter and more discreet approach.

I am sure that you will build up a rapport with your patients but have the confidence to do it in your own way.

@Freshair1 ”your colleagues sound really common”?!?

Nice 🙄

I don’t think a big pile on regarding the OP’s colleagues is necessary - different strokes for different folks. My dad loved the more out there carers that looked after him whereas my mum much prefers the quieter ones like the OP. Caring is a fucking hard and under appreciated job and I think some of the comments on here are really uncalled for.

How you treat residents should be person centered always. Different residents like different approaches. Although I appreciate that's hard as an agency carer.

I'll always be welcoming and open to agency staff but it is hard when they get paid a lot more than we do and honestly 80% of them (anecdotally, in my experience) haven't cared. Recently I have had to physically remove their hands off residents after I've told them at keast twice not to grab residents/pull residents/manhandle residents. It's heartbreaking and soul destroying.

To have someone like you would be a breath of fresh air honestly.

Honestly at my agency they mostly pay the same as permanent staff get. The only difference is holiday pay is included in our hourly rate, so that may make it look higher but it works out lower than having paid annual leave. Then we'd get more for bank holidays and an increase if it's a last min shift they're struggling to cover. However if shifts are cancelled even very last minute, we don't get paid at all.
Sorry to hear you had a bad experience, that sounds terrible.

The thing is, OP, not all people requiring care will want the same thing. Some will respond well to the style that you have described in your colleagues. Others will prefer your approach. As long as you actually care about the wellbeing of your clients and you are capable of providing the support that they need, there is no need to second guess whether or not you have the right personality. It will be right for some service users, whereas different styles might be more suited to others.

My aunt has two lovely carers who come to visit her regularly. She particularly warms to one, I prefer the other. There is no right or wrong approach...just be yourself and have confidence that that is enough.

You need to find your own style.

But, social skills can be learned. Through me time as a nurse, I have got much better at judging what a patient wants or needs, and behaving in a way to build a quicker rapport. Being reserved or shy can often come across as being cool.

I think you are fine, you don't have to be patronising, but you can learn to be a bit more demonstratively warm and interested.

People are different, I would not appreciate being called sweetie pie or gorgeous by some carer coming in to my home if I ever needed one. It just feels infantile, disrespectful and unprofessional. I have worked in the nhs since 1999, have a degree and two masters. I’m no one’s sweetie pie 🤣- carers are going to hate me if I ever need them. Keep doing what you’re doing, plenty of people will prefer your approach.

I agree. Needing care in the first place is infantilising enough on its own without being called sweetie pie. And I say that with due respect to everyone in the caring profession. It’s the toughest of jobs.

Having said all of that, when I was in hospital recently, one of the nurses looking after me (happened to be male) was very professional but upbeat, he whistled, said good morning to everyone and was generally cheery and it was surprising how much that set the tone for the day. He managed it without calling anyone angel or sweetie pie though! 😃