Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be livid that my dad used the P word to describe people from Pakistan

98 replies

SaveScrabulous · 27/02/2008 22:33

I'm really shocked and have just yelled at him for using the four letter P word to describe people of Pakistani origin.

In my house. I feel like kicking him out.

OP posts:
theBOD · 28/02/2008 18:47

i'd have no problem with it. black people use the n word and so do i with no racial context, and if i know someone in my company who is black doesn't use the word themselves and finds it offensive then i won't use it (e.g. around friends parents)
people call scotish people scots, british people brits.
if he was using it in a descriptive way i'd have no problems. if he was using it to insult someone then no not alright.

theBOD · 28/02/2008 18:48

sorry meant no "racist connotation"

Mercy · 28/02/2008 18:51

Bubbaluv - maybe it's just dh's family then

LyraSilvertongue · 28/02/2008 18:54

TheBOD, why do you feel the need to use the n word? it's a really horrible word.

Mercy · 28/02/2008 18:56

Was just coming back to ask the same thing, Lyra.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/02/2008 19:02

Just because a small minority of black people use the n word doesn't make it generally acceptable. It's very much unacceptable.

pedilia · 28/02/2008 19:03

I am quite shocked that you find it acceptable to use the N word bod.

For those that have said there is no difference to being called a 'scot' or a 'eng'
It is the way the N and P words have been used historically that cause the problem, namely an insult from whites to black/asian people.

It is irrelevant if the people of those races decide to refer themselves that way.

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:06

i don't feel the need to use it it's just another word for use. i don't see anything wrong with the word. i'm 22, come from a country with no history of slavery (except for our own), and have black friends who use the word.it just slips out every now and again due to music/films i listened to or watched growing up. i attach no racist intention to them. i don't see a problem with black people using it so i have no problem with white people using it in the same context.
i have no problem taking the piss out of me calling me mick or paddy if it's done in jest/banter/friendly rivalry.if someone used trying to be derogatory in their mind i don't think i'd be angry, i'd just think they were an idiot as i have had no reprocussions from the english rule in ireland so take absolutely no offence to it.

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:08

"no problem with people taking the piss out of me calling me muck...."

typing like an idiot today

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:08

and again....grrrrrrrrrr "mick"

LyraSilvertongue · 28/02/2008 19:08

Well, i think you're wrong theBod. i ind it very offensive, as do most black people. So you'd better be careful who you say it to.

pedilia · 28/02/2008 19:10

where are you from Bod?

loopylou6 · 28/02/2008 19:11

pedilia was the aimed at me? i was simply trying to justify the point i was trying to make

Hulababy · 28/02/2008 19:12

Thre is no North South divide on this matter. It is not acceptable anywhere surely.

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:12

meh i know alot of people think it's wrong and as i said i'd never use it around people i didn't know or someone who doesn't use it themselves or finds it offensive out of respect. but with mates sitting round taking the piss i have no problem with it and neither do they.

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:13

oh i'm from dublin.

pedilia · 28/02/2008 19:14

looby- No not at you, just an example from skimming the thread

pedilia · 28/02/2008 19:14

sorry loopy not looby!

Megglevache · 28/02/2008 19:15

Message withdrawn

lardylumps · 28/02/2008 19:15

Totally off the original subject here but when I was 16 my parents had a party for me. A lot of my friends were black and Asian. One of my black male friends stayed over as he couldn?t get home and of cause my dad made him sleep downstairs on the sofa. My grandparents also stayed over that night as they lived over 40 miles away. Anyway my Nan always got up really early and the day after my party was no exception. She went downstairs, woke my friend up at six o clock in the morning and asked him what tribe he was from.

I was mortified??

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:15

oh and pedilia how is it irrelevant if people of that race decide to call themselves it?
surely thats very relevant.

LyraSilvertongue · 28/02/2008 19:17

TheBOD, are you 15?

pedilia · 28/02/2008 19:21

Not relevant because it is used in a totally different context to what has tradionally been a MASSIVE insult towards black/asian people from WHITE people.
I still want to know what country you are from that has no history of anything to do with slavery!

theBOD · 28/02/2008 19:25

no as i said 22.why do you ask?
surely some reasons for how me referring to my black friends by "THE N WORD!!!", who refer to themselves as such and have no problem with me doing so is immature or wrong, would better than to just ask me if i'm 15 trying to insinuate that i was young and stupid.
even if i was only 15,which i'm not,how would that prove i was in the wrong?
as i've said, i don't insist on calling every black person it,i don't use it around those who find it offensive,i don't use it to promote racism. i'll use it when i am hanging around with mates and we are cracking jokes and ripping it out of each other.much the same when they make reference to me being white i don't tak it as them being racists.it's just another thing to make a joke out of.

Greensleeves · 28/02/2008 19:27

My father also insists that Paki is not offensive. He's lived in various countries in the middle east for 20 years and insists that it's no different from calling people from Afghanistan Afghani, or Kurdistan Kurds. "Stan" means country, etc. He isn't racist in his thinking, although he has some rather extreme views about Zionism - he is just a pedant and insists that we are all wrong and Paki is a normal and non-pejorative word.

I have argued and argued with him about this and got nowhere - obviously it has offensive connotions here (I remember gangs of yobs going "Paki-bashing" at night in the area where I grew up ) and it would cost him nothing to just not say it, he is just too bloody-minded to concede.

I have in the end just said that if he makes any remarks which I consider racist in front of my children, then he can fuck off out of my house. He's accepted that