to be livid that my dad used the P word to describe people from Pakistan

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I'm really shocked and have just yelled at him for using the four letter P word to describe people of Pakistani origin.

In my house. I feel like kicking him out.

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yanbu

Thanks Peaches - you have been especially wise and supportive - just what I needed.

He hasn't gone - it was just a threat. Still here but if he says anything else like....

Anyway, I hope he will think before saying such things in future after our little debate.

I asked dh about not mentioning this to others and he said he'd have to think about it?! I mean it's really important to me and so I'd be very disappointed if he mentioned this.

I think it can depend on the conext used really. You said he was making negative comments so yes totally unnaceptable. It is not a expression I use but have heard it a lot and often not in a negative way just as a descriptive word.

THis reminds me of litening to something on radio 4 a year or so actually and there was a couple of different nationalities havine a conversation about using these kind of words and on particular man from China sticks out in my head. He said that often we get a bit too pc about these things and that someone saying they were going to a take away for a chinky was no more offensive to him than someone calling me me a Scot. That is really depended on the context it was used.

I think like peopel have said it's dependant on context, the fact he was saying negative remarks makes it wrong.

I often call a chinese takeaway a chinky which I know would be offensive if used against a chinese person but I mean absolutely no harm by it, when I grew up we called the shop round the corner the 'paki shop' again, no harm meant, my mum was good friends with the lady who ran it!

I don't think I'd ever say nigger though, with paki and chinky it's a shortened version of their real origin whereas nigger has always been an insult.

The only really neutral setting I've heard 'Paki' used was cricket. Used in the same context as 'Aussie', 'Brits', 'Windies' and so on. Anywhere else, it comes over as very unpleasant, and especially used when used in conjunction with insults.

well whether it is used as a shortened version or not, the fact is that is IS an offensive word

so best not to use it imo

One of my friends is from Pakistan and calls himself and others a paki.

But oliveoil how is it an offensive word, is someon calling me a Scot offensive? I think the answer is probably no so what exactly makes this offensive?

I don't thinkt the word is offensive, it's the way it is used, I've heard Paddy and Jock used a million times, in a friendly context so no offence is meant nor taken, but it can be used as in insult, much the same way as middle class is often thrown around on MN as an insult!

Whereas Nigger is a totally different kettle of fish, it was never meant as anything other than an insult.

You say your Husband not to mention it to people and he has said he'd have to think about it! Can you not explain that you really would like him to not mention it as it's something you would prefer to deal with privately and personally between you and your father. Surely your husband can see that the comment was not directed at him but a general ignorance which hopefully would have taught him a good lesson?

I find the word offensive. It is not just a shortened version of the word Pakistani.

Ditto chinky.

I am black and would never use the n word to describe myself or my children.
I also live in the north...and i know people from Pakistan. They certainly would not use the P word to describe themselves.
Even here in the north... My expereince is that both words are only used in a racist context.
yanbu

I don't like it when my mother calls the corner shop the 'pakis shop' and she says it really loud as well.

"I JUST HAVE TO GO INTO THE PAKIS SHOP..."

Although being around my dp can be frustrating sometimes because he is very racist...

The fact that "paki" is shortened from Pakistani doesn't make it neutral. It is just a word but it has acquired associations because of its use as part of racist and insulting language. I don't have a problem accepting that some Pakistani people will use the term about themselves. It's a long recognised way for a group that is discriminated against to respond to the discrimination they face by appropriating the language used against them. It's usually not acceptable for anyone outside of the group to use the words, though.

"Spastic" used to be (and in some contexts, still is) a perfectly neutral word. It described the dominant symptom experienced by someone with Cerebral Palsy and can still be used to describe a particular type of increased muscle tone. Then it began to be used to refer to people with Cerebral Palsy and subsequently was used by some in a derogatory fashion resulting in it dropping out of favour.

My dad also occasionally uses some unacceptable language (of a rather milder sort, though). I always pull him up about it but we don't fall out over it because we have a good relationship. It's probably not worth provoking a major dispute with your dad about this.

I'm northern and can honestly say that i have never used this word ( or any other racist word) and don't know anyone from up north who does. However, since moving down south i am amazed, not at the amount of racists ( as you'll get them everywhere) but at the amount of people who are openly racist and also homophobic. if i say anything (usually to people at work)they just say they are excersising their right to free speech. [hmmm] i think they're just stupid

hmmmmmmmmmmm, in the north.......
it used to be "ok" (as in not intended to cause offence), but i think people are a bit more cautious now
it'd be "I'll just run t't p*i shop", or, "i run a p*i shop" (i heard this from an asian guy, who did indeed own a shop)
but i think, over the years, it's fallen out of usage, as more and more people were using it offensively
it was in the same league as "chinky" (food)....a short way of saying chinese takeaway, IYSWIM
i wouldn't use it,and was told not to, as a kid, but i know there are people still who use it to talk about their friends, or the guy in the corner shop who they always stop and have a chat with.....it's done without malice, but also without thought
i think, though, using it in the context the OP described, yes, it was meant offensively.

ms sparkle...whereabouts in the north were/are you?
just out of interest

It's totally dependent on the social context. In Australia the term Paki is no more offensive that Aussie, Kiwi, or Pom - they use it on tele to describe the cricket team. But in the UK it carries negative conatations that make it offensive. The fact that Pakistani people use it does not make it ok for others to follow suit.
It's hard to break habits of older people refereing to Paki shops or whatever (although worth trying to stop them using the phrase around the dc), but totally unacceptable when used specifically as an offensive term.

My father's family is from India/Pakistan. I have never heard any of them use the word.

They/we have been called it several times though.

Pom is used in a derogatory way sometimes though.

I lived in Australia for 30 years and have never heard Pom used as a derogatory term. Teasing maybe, but not derogatory.

hmmmm interesting thread, i am not racist and dont care wether a person is black/white gay/straight fat/thin so long as they are good people, but i do find this 'p' word thing a bit confusing tbh, agree if your dad said it in a nasty patronising way then hes out of order, but i am english and wouldnt mind if someone called me an 'eng' (lol) coz thats just shortening my nationality isnt it? i suppose im a bit of a hypocrite because i would never say im going to the 'p' shop, i always say the corner shop...im rambling now arnt i do u see what i mean though?