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Original poster

How much did you or would you risk your health to have a child?

31 replies

acceptanceisnotlinear · 08/08/2023 20:44

I'm wondering how much you would have gambled with your health when you decided to try to get pregnant? What would have been your line in the sand?

I probably won't have a baby due to my health. Still I have a part of me that really can't let go, forever. Hence mulling it over.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 08/08/2023 20:47

I've had three and it's caused me significant life long issues.
If I had my time again I wouldn't have children.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 08/08/2023 20:51

I had postpartum psychosis with dc1 and attempted suicide more than once whilst he was a newborn in nicu.

3 years later I had d2.

Wasn't an easy decision, many people thought perhaps accurately that I was mad.

Physical health, I'm not sure where my line would have been.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz · 08/08/2023 20:53

I have long-term pelvic discomfort as a result of my pregnancies. It's not too bad but it does mean I have to be careful about physical activity. I used to be very sporty and now I can't be, but it's totally worth it to have my children. Didn't know in advance it would happen but if I did, it wouldn't have stopped me.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/08/2023 20:55

Labour could have killed me but it took eight years to conceive and carry a baby to term.
the doctors took every safeguard they could to help me and I lived.
i don’t regret not aborting him

mynameiscalypso · 08/08/2023 20:55

I think it's probably an easier decision to make if you have a child already but the impact on my physical health is the main reason why I'm not having a second. DS is nearly 4 and it's only really been the last few months when I feel like I have recovered from the flare of my underlying condition that pregnancy caused (and there is some long term damage too). It would likely be the same again; I'm not spending another 4 years of my life in constant pain.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/08/2023 20:57

My son is older now and I wouldn’t risk another for him to lose me. He has disabilities and he needs me here

lljkk · 08/08/2023 21:05

I imagine that I would have looked to foster instead. Or look after animals or some other satisfying endeavour. If you destroyed your health in order to become a parent, that degraded health won't help you be a parent, so it ticks my "not logical" box.

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 08/08/2023 21:09

I know one woman who died in childbirth, and another two who were so seriously injured in childbirth that they never returned to work, one of whom died in her 50s from the effects.

All of these are recent cases from friends and extended family, and all three women were in decent health beforehand.

Childbirth isn't completely safe even for healthy people. I'm also not having children for health reasons.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/08/2023 21:11

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 08/08/2023 21:09

I know one woman who died in childbirth, and another two who were so seriously injured in childbirth that they never returned to work, one of whom died in her 50s from the effects.

All of these are recent cases from friends and extended family, and all three women were in decent health beforehand.

Childbirth isn't completely safe even for healthy people. I'm also not having children for health reasons.

In fact if extremely high risk you possibly have a student with you at all times, which makes you a little safer

tt9 · 08/08/2023 21:25

I have kidney failure and for a long time I was told i could still have children post transplant although it would be high risk. however due to gynae issue worsened by the renal failure, I had to have an ablation at 36. it was and is heartbreaking. I try not to think about it too much.

is adoption an option for you?

Warelodge · 08/08/2023 21:33

I was diagnosed with a health condition after having children. It’s a health condition I was born with but didn’t become symptomatic until after having my children.
my pregnancies and giving birth probably made my health worse. But we don’t know what it looked like before I had them so there’s no true way of knowing.
If I had been diagnosed prior then I wouldn’t have been allowed to push and it would’ve been a section under GA. I would’ve been monitored a lot more closely and I probably would’ve still gone ahead and had children.
I needed major surgery for my condition and just before that surgery I fell unexpectedly pregnant. Because I was now experiencing health issues I took the difficult decision to terminate that pregnancy. The risk of it causing further deterioration and potentially paralysing me was very high. I needed to stay well for the children I already had.

LividHot · 08/08/2023 21:34

My first pregnancy put me in intensive care.

I vowed to have a baby or die trying and I wasn’t being hyperbolic.

RosaGallica · 08/08/2023 21:35

All women gamble with their health when deciding to have children. Childbirth used to be the single biggest killer of women and still is in other parts of the world. It still carries health risks and you cannot tell what you will come out with - I nearly died, have carpal tunnel issues 10 years on and various other muscles that cramp easily. I was warned not to have any more. I don’t have family to look after my existing children if I die so it was a no-brainer.

It’s why we need decent medical care, even though men have always begrudged it and treat us like shit for the sacrifices we make. Do you know that maternal deaths are rising in both the US and the U.K. due to the reduction in care? Does that help?

Lkahsvtv · 08/08/2023 21:38

I risked my health with my second after having a very complex first pregnancy; to a certain extent I don’t think I actually let myself appreciate to what extent that I did risk it. However that’s the reason I wouldn’t have another child and my mental health was quite badly effected which has made me feel vulnerable in a way that I don’t want to actively risk repeating

Rtc12 · 08/08/2023 21:43

@Dinosauratemydaffodils I'm so sorry you went through that, I had postpartum psychosis with my second child and was in a mother and baby unit for 2 months. I don't know if I would have had a second if it had happened first time around.

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 08/08/2023 22:46

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 08/08/2023 21:11

In fact if extremely high risk you possibly have a student with you at all times, which makes you a little safer

Show quote history

The one who died had an amniotic fluid embolism - unpredictable, unpreventable and usually unsurvivable when it does happen. A student being there wouldn't have made any difference. Her two children are growing up without a mother.

They're all people I know, but not well enough to start probing on their medical history (cousin's wife etc) but they were all in good health prior to having children; the effects were catastrophic for all 3.

I don't have children, I don't move in childrearing circles, and no one in my core group of friends has children - so I'm not really socialising with many parents. Yet I still know 3 people killed or seriously injured by pregnancy and childbirth. It's grim.

WandaWonder · 08/08/2023 22:49

I wouldn't as it wouldn't be fair on the child

Fifiellz · 08/08/2023 22:52

I was told I would have died in childbirth had I not been able to access an emergency c section. Tiny weirdly placed pelvis.

My second child was an elective section.

Had you told me before I got pregnant with my first that I/and possibly the baby would die in childbirth I would still have gone ahead.

Such was the yearning to have a baby I would have taken all the risks.

WhereshallIwander · 08/08/2023 23:03

I had DVT after 1st so was high risk through next two pregnancies and put on Heparin.

RichTeee · 08/08/2023 23:14

I had serious health issues and did. My DC was born with very severe complications from the medication I was on that was deemed safe....their type of complication is rarely if ever seen.
My health deteriorated quite badly and even though I can't work for 3 years I was also unable to take care of them so they had to go to a specialist childcare every day whilst DH was working.
Since giving birth I've also discovered I have a genetic disease which they also have.

I wish everyday that I hadn't done it. DH doesn't get the guilt I feel, I don't care about my health but I feel I have given my child a very hard burdened life for my selfish reasons of wanting a baby.

Mollyisacat · 08/08/2023 23:18

Difficult question, depends on the severity of the health issue and whether you have an existing child or not. My first pregnancy and birth was fairly smooth sailing, second was a complete disaster with multiple major medical issues that were life threatening and will likely reoccur in subsequent pregnancies. I’m lucky that I’ve already got two kids, if it was my first pregnancy that had all the issues I probably wouldn’t have had a second. But if I knew the risk before having any children, I probably would’ve risked it

Moonflowered · 08/08/2023 23:38

I had severe pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy but I glossed over the significant risks when deciding to have a second until the consultant reeled them off at my first appointment. I felt so ashamed that I considered terminating the pregnancy. When I spoke to the HV later on, her opening line was "oh my god you're brave"... But it had never felt like that when deciding ttc.

In the end it was a textbook pregnancy but I wouldn't tempt fate by trying again. I really wanted a third but couldn't take the risk.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/08/2023 00:22

HiHoHiHoltsOffToWorkWeGo · 08/08/2023 22:46

The one who died had an amniotic fluid embolism - unpredictable, unpreventable and usually unsurvivable when it does happen. A student being there wouldn't have made any difference. Her two children are growing up without a mother.

They're all people I know, but not well enough to start probing on their medical history (cousin's wife etc) but they were all in good health prior to having children; the effects were catastrophic for all 3.

I don't have children, I don't move in childrearing circles, and no one in my core group of friends has children - so I'm not really socialising with many parents. Yet I still know 3 people killed or seriously injured by pregnancy and childbirth. It's grim.

Show quote history

I meant ppl designated extremely high risk from start of pregnancy. I had this status and bounced between hospitals as they were unsure what to do then had extra staff in labour

Mamai90 · 09/08/2023 01:09

lljkk · 08/08/2023 21:05

I imagine that I would have looked to foster instead. Or look after animals or some other satisfying endeavour. If you destroyed your health in order to become a parent, that degraded health won't help you be a parent, so it ticks my "not logical" box.

This!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 09/08/2023 01:23

I had serious pre eclampsia, we both decided we were lucky enough to have one healthy child at the end of it after being very premature and me being so ill so we didn't risk it again.