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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To use the disabled bathroom when I’m not disabled?

90 replies

waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 19:12

I promise this isn’t one of those questions where the OP asks something then argues with everyone that they are being reasonable etc when they’re not😆

My journey home from work has 2 parts to it. In between both journeys I always, without fail, need the bathroom. However I usually get around half an hour before closing so I usually jump in to the shopping centre and go to the toilet before the 2nd journey home as the traffic is bad and I need to go to the toilet anyway. However because they’re getting ready to close, the ladies toilets are ALWAYS closed off (as in, they are barricaded off as they are presumably being cleaned) but the disabled toilet is open. I usually just go to the disabled toilet but I always feel guilty because I shouldn’t really be using it. For context, I have an eye condition so very technically it’s an invisible disability but it’s not something that would make me usually need to use the disabled bathroom and I would always go to the ladies instead so I’m purely using the disabled because it’s the only one open. But I always feel guilty and feel like I shouldn’t be in there. It’s always quiet and nobody has ever had to wait for me but I’m always scared to come out in case someone says something or in case I’ve made someone who really needs the disabled toilet wait whilst I was in it.

am I ok to use it? Or should I not be doing it? There’s no other toilets nearby and unfortunately all coffee shops etc are closed so I couldn’t go there. The other toilets in the shopping centre are the exact same set up with the ladies being closed off😞

OP posts:
AngelinaFibres · 07/08/2023 20:30

imactuallyfine · 07/08/2023 19:38

I've not read that, but if I see a disabled loo, and no people waiting to use it, and I need a wee, I use it. I only take about 60 seconds. Even if a person with a disability is waiting when I get out, I just don't think it matters.

This. We went for a sandwich lunch at a cafe today. One toilet for men,1 for women and 1 disabled. The mens was occupied , as was the women's. There was noone behind me so I went on the disabled one. When I came out there was no one waiting . Complete non issue.

Original poster
waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 20:30

FawnFrenchieMum · 07/08/2023 20:22

There some entitled people in the world! I’d like to see a few of you spend a few days with bowel disease and see if you think disabled toilets should be a free for all!

OP, using them when no other toilets are available is absolutely fine. Don’t over think it and thank you for being generally a considerate person.

Thank you 👍🏻 I’ve never used a disabled toilet apart from this scenario, my friend has IBS and I’ve seen how much she suffers with it and it’s awful so I would never want to cause any upset or problems for anyone. I never check my hair or make up, I just go in and out as quickly as I can x

OP posts:
Original poster
waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 20:34

Ohthatsabitshit · 07/08/2023 20:25

If you can only go an hour between toilet breaks there is a problem. Managed glaucoma is NOT a disability in any way.

Yeah I wouldn’t class mine as a disability. You have to inform certain people eg insurance and dvla and it’s classed as a disability in the sense of its a condition that needs to be declared and can cause problems etc but it’s not a disability for everyday life for me, it doesn’t impede my life in any way so mine isn’t really a disability

OP posts:
Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:34

Aren’t there any toilets on the train @waterorsoda?

AngelinaFibres · 07/08/2023 20:37

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:34

Aren’t there any toilets on the train @waterorsoda?

Have you been in a train toilet recently. The ladies who 'hover' and men who insist on standing to pee on a moving train make it a thoroughly disgusting experience

Original poster
waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 20:37

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:34

Aren’t there any toilets on the train @waterorsoda?

It depends but not guaranteed, it’s not usually one of the newer ScotRail trains unfortunately it’s usually one of the old ones which doesn’t have toilets

I would say I usually get the bus anyway, I only ever get the train if the traffic is extremely busy

OP posts:
whynotwhatknot · 07/08/2023 20:37

no problem with what youre doing

i would maybe find a different job that does t take over 2 hours each way

Agapornis · 07/08/2023 20:39

Can you ask the shopping centre to change how they go about their cleaning? Seems an odd choice to not allow women to go to the toilet. Are the men's still open?

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:41

waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 20:37

It depends but not guaranteed, it’s not usually one of the newer ScotRail trains unfortunately it’s usually one of the old ones which doesn’t have toilets

I would say I usually get the bus anyway, I only ever get the train if the traffic is extremely busy

Show quote history

Oh well, not much you can do about that then.

Original poster
waterorsoda · 07/08/2023 20:41

Agapornis · 07/08/2023 20:39

Can you ask the shopping centre to change how they go about their cleaning? Seems an odd choice to not allow women to go to the toilet. Are the men's still open?

Yeah that’s a good idea actually, thanks. No the mens are closed too x

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 07/08/2023 20:44

Skodacool · 07/08/2023 19:48

Accessible toilets are exactly that- accessible. They are not for the exclusive use of people with disabilities. You don’t need to feel guilty for using one and no one should be expressing any disapproval when you do.

Well yes they are just for people with medical conditions and disabilities not for you just because somebody can't be bothered to stand in a queue or find the ladies! However seeing as the ops toilets are closed then obviously there is no other option.

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:45

AngelinaFibres · 07/08/2023 20:37

Have you been in a train toilet recently. The ladies who 'hover' and men who insist on standing to pee on a moving train make it a thoroughly disgusting experience

Show quote history

@AngelinaFibres not very recently as the last few trains I’ve been on people have been standing/sitting in the corridors or had bags positioned such that it was impossible for me to get my chair in there. Probably been a year since I was on a train where I could access the loo…

Saying that, no public toilets are ever lovely- disabled men miss and disabled women hover as well.

Frabbits · 07/08/2023 20:46

If there is no other option then crack on.

People using accessible toilets when there is an alternative butthey just can't be arsed to wait are the cheeky fuckers.

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2023 20:50

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:45

@AngelinaFibres not very recently as the last few trains I’ve been on people have been standing/sitting in the corridors or had bags positioned such that it was impossible for me to get my chair in there. Probably been a year since I was on a train where I could access the loo…

Saying that, no public toilets are ever lovely- disabled men miss and disabled women hover as well.

Show quote history

Oh I used the disabled toilet on a train in June, I'm mobile though but I couldn't see how a wheelchair user could move about in it was really tight.

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:51

Skodacool · 07/08/2023 19:50

They are not for the exclusive use of disabled people. You have no right to berate someone for using one if it’s vacant.

Show quote history

I don’t. I don’t presume to know who is disabled and who isn’t, so on what grounds could I berate anyone?!

SleepingStandingUp · 07/08/2023 20:53

WiddlinDiddlin · 07/08/2023 19:50

Theres a lot more 'im not disabled but this is convenient for me so ill just be quick' people than there are disabled people who actually can ONLY use the accessible facility.

So if everyone thinks like that, some of us do end up waiting, very frequently, for the toilet - we also end up waiting a long time when another disabled person is using it, meaning we can wait way longer for the ONE loo we can use, than a non disabled person might.

SO yeah, um, since your need for the loo is SO predictable, couldn't you go at work before you leave? Finish work, have a wee, then set off home?

The piss-taking use of accessible toilets is one reason why so many are locked, meaning some of us have to go, like little children, and find someone to effectively, take us to the toilet or give us permission to go, and yes you can buy your own RADAR key but many places have fitted the locks 'incorrectly' on purpose, which means if you're in there having used your own key, the door can still be opened by someone else with the RADAR key (they do this so they can unlock it easily from the outside if its locked on the inside. it is not an accident.)

But she obviously doesn't need to go at work. Fair enough you think she should pee herself but she can't generate future pee to wee when she wants.

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:54

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2023 20:50

Oh I used the disabled toilet on a train in June, I'm mobile though but I couldn't see how a wheelchair user could move about in it was really tight.

Show quote history

The frequent inaccessibility of accessible toilets is a whole other issue!

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2023 20:58

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 20:54

The frequent inaccessibility of accessible toilets is a whole other issue!

Show quote history

It just seemed a "nod" at accessibility! I mean I think someone could wheel in but very little maneuver room for transferring!

Soggysoggydew · 07/08/2023 21:11

Mrsjayy · 07/08/2023 20:58

It just seemed a "nod" at accessibility! I mean I think someone could wheel in but very little maneuver room for transferring!

Show quote history

It is a box ticking exercise a lot of the time. It’s hard enough to find a toilet I can get to (isn’t up a step, down a narrow corridor, round a tight bend, inside the men’s) open the door, close the door, manoeuvre around etc; without people who have the luxury of using any ladies toilet deciding that waiting for 30 seconds is just to much for them.

thereisnorightanswer · 07/08/2023 21:12

I have a variable hidden disability - on rare occasions, I do need to use the disabled toilet because of it, and that's fine.

When I don't need to use the disabled toilet because of my disability and there's just a long queue for the ladies, I wouldn't go in. I'd just wait my turn. You never know when someone might come along who desperately needs access to the disabled toilet - with certain disabilities, you can't just politely wait. It's urgent.

However, if the ladies were closed - of course I would use the disabled toilet. Where else would I go? The blokes' urinals? Not built that way... I'd be as quick as possible.

kitsuneghost · 07/08/2023 21:25

Haretest · 07/08/2023 20:25

So anymore than an hour and you're bursting? That doesn't sound right.

Everyone is different. I couldn't go 2hr without a toilet. Always been like that since a child.

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/08/2023 21:26

I have a rare pituitary condition AVP-Deficiency which means at times I need to use the toilet pretty urgently and without any warning. In those circumstances I would have no hesitation in using the disabled toilets. Infact I have a radar key and have used it. Not all disabilities are visible

Quisquam · 07/08/2023 21:27

You don’t need to feel guilty for using one and no one should be expressing any disapproval when you do.

I do! DD had a seizure at a service station yesterday and soiled herself. As she was semi conscious, she was putting her hands in her pants and smearing poo everywhere. While we would never complain about disabled people using them before us, I would not have been happy if a non disabled person had used it, and we had to stand outside with DD, who was making more and more of a mess of herself. It took two of us about 50 baby wipes, just to do a basic job of cleaning her up. DH almost couldn’t carry on, because he was gagging and I wasn’t over the moon either. (She’s on laxatives)

Nomoreminecraftplease · 07/08/2023 21:29

But how would you know anyone using the disabled toilets didn't have a disability? Not all disabilities are visible

Hivaluegirl · 07/08/2023 21:30

Just use it

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