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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So gutted about registry office venue.

62 replies

malificent7 · 07/08/2023 17:54

We originally booked 2 beautiful venues but had to increasingly scale back due to lack of funds ( hence swapping to a smaller venue.)
Eventually we just thought sod it and booked a registry office in a local seaside town.
I only just had the chance to look at it today and I am so gutted. The council really havn't looked after the facade and the flower beds that looked so lovely in the photos are bedraggled. Moreover there was broken glass all over the driveway. I had to mention it to the registrar who to be fair did get it cleaned up.
I did call up and complain about the glass and they said that it's because there are a lot of drunks and alcoholics in the area.
The car park is behind a wall of graffiti and has potholes.

At the least the restaurant afterwards is lovely. I just feel embarrassed to have my guests there.

With 3 weeks to go we can't change the venue. I guess we left it so late as we have been so busy and have run out of options financially anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 07/08/2023 17:56

I feel so stupid. Moreover, my sister and cousins had big white weddings. I told myself it didn't matter that we fouldn't do that but tbh now it has come to it I am gutted.

Please feel free to read my previous threads about wedding drama to do with my dad / his ex...both of who are actually being nice atm.

OP posts:
CurlyTandtheTangles · 07/08/2023 17:58

Don't take photos outside there.
Take photos inside and at the restaurant.

If there's a nice park/Gardens nearbt then stop there on the way to the restaurant for photos.
It will be fine.

More importantly, do you love your dress (I love a wedding dress).

HopelessEstateAgents · 07/08/2023 18:00

Would perspective help OP? My wedding venue was the intensive care unit, my dress was a sweaty maternity top. He died 16 days later.

You're marrying someone you love. The venue is so utterly unimportant. In fact, if it is important, then don't get married, as you've honestly missed the point (I mean that nicely)

Have a happy and long life together. Hang some balloons outside the venue.

steff13 · 07/08/2023 18:01

Could you get married in a park? I don't know the rules there, but my husband and I got married at park that had a nice gazebo.

Or, do you live in the community where this is? Could you and your fiance volunteer to clean it up?

MeinKraft · 07/08/2023 18:01

You can make it look nice with flowers and stuff I'm sure?

NecklessMumster · 07/08/2023 18:02

It'll be fine. Take photos in the restaurant or just have close ups. My reg office room holds 6 people only, I'm looking forward to it.

Katrinawaves · 07/08/2023 18:02

If the weather is lovely (and I hope it will be) perhaps you could take some photos on the beach? And do you know whether the interior is better maintained than the exterior? It might look a lot better inside and even outside if the sun is shining?

Hintofreality · 07/08/2023 18:05

Honestly, I’d be more likely to notice a sulking bride with a face like a smacked arse than flaws in a venue. I go to a wedding hoping to see a couple ridiculously loved up with each other, everything else is just frivolity.

Burningthroughthesky · 07/08/2023 18:06

Wedding by the seaside sounds lovely. Take some photos on the beach? You won't be in the registry office for long.

Burningthroughthesky · 07/08/2023 18:07

And congrats and enjoy your day. Also enjoy your married life after, without the stress of debt!

Arightoldcarryabag · 07/08/2023 18:09

Roll with it.
Get the best Man to turn up early and clear the place up just in case and own the situation. Make sure DH knows how important that is.

Think how much better this is than starting your married life deep in debt in an uncertain financial climate. Enjoy your big day, it's not a competition and nobody there will care if it's a church or a slightly unloved registry office.

CuteCillian · 07/08/2023 18:09

Could just you and your witnesses attend the registry office, and all the remaining guests meets you at the lovely restaurant?

FamBae · 07/08/2023 18:09

My 1st marriage was in a rather gloomy registery office, we all walked to the local park to take photos, why don't you head for the beach.

AbacusAvocado · 07/08/2023 18:10

I think I’ve been to about 40 weddings and couldn’t tell you much about any of the venues. I mean I know they were churches or barns or registry offices but I don’t think any of us noticed any detail about what the venue was like.

just enjoy your wedding day, and enjoy even more knowing that you’re not starting married life burdened with debts from a big fancy do that nobody will really remember anyway.

midsomermurderess · 07/08/2023 18:12

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GoldDuster · 07/08/2023 18:14

Get someone you trust to turn up early with a brush and have a sweep up, you could get some potted Hydrangeas or something similar in flower to stick a the front door, and don't take any photos. Just embrace the grotty gritty nature of it and have your photos taken somewhere else. Honestly, it won't matter down the line at all, focus on the fact you won't have a pile of debt to deal with.

ManateeFair · 07/08/2023 18:15

You know what? I honestly couldn't even tell what the register offices looked like at any of the weddings I've been to. I couldn't tell you if they were new, old, nice, rundown, plain, fancy - nothing. Zero memory of any of them. I can, however, remember how happy and lovely the couple getting married were and how pleased for them I was at every single one.

Don't worry about the register office. Don't worry one little bit. You can take your photos somewhere else if you want. If you're having a professional photographer, they will almost certainly have been to the venue before and will know exactly where to get you to stand to make the photos look nice, and/or they will know of spots nearby where they can take pictures. If you're not having professional photos, then just ask your guests to take some at the restaurant instead, or to walk to the seafront with you or something like that. Honestly, I promise you it will be lovely.

Flossflower · 07/08/2023 18:21

I got married in a registry office. It was shown on a TV program as a place where European women married immigrants for money to give them an EU passport. It was also awful outside. We had a reception at a nearby hotel. I loved my wedding. Everyone there wishing us well.

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 07/08/2023 18:21

@HopelessEstateAgents Flowers I can’t imagine what that would have been like. Hope you’re doing alright.

Peony654 · 07/08/2023 18:24

We got married in a seaside city centre registry office and it was similar outside. Honestly, I didn’t even notice on the day. We had our photos elsewhere, including on the beach and seafront. You’re barely there, and no one will notice. I think you can find some positive solutions

Original poster
malificent7 · 07/08/2023 18:25

Awww thank you. I think it just hit a few nerves due to some of the drama that the wedding stirred up.
Not between dp and myself but between family etc.

OP posts:
EpidermalLayer · 07/08/2023 18:27

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Exactly. Next someone will be saying 'at least your wedding has food people are dying of hunger elsewhere'. Not helpful.

YANBU at all OP! But you've come to the wrong place. MN hates weddings and you'll have loads of people piling on to tell you about their own sack cloth weddings, 'it's the marriage not the wedding' blah2.

Reddit's r/weddings (despite the forum's reputation) is sooo much more supportive, I suggest you post there.

We all have our ideal weddings, it's OK to fell gutted. Yes, you can't help it but you feel what you feel - none of it is wrong.

User5653218 · 07/08/2023 18:28

I think it's fine to be disappointed. It's your special day and you want it to be special.

I'm sure you'll have a great day all the same but I get why you're feeling a bit sad.

greenspaces4peace · 07/08/2023 18:29

A good photographer can help stage and set the photos. Local park, seaside photos and if worse comes to worse purchase a planter.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 07/08/2023 18:35

I voted YABU because you should have checked it before booking and booked somewhere you actually liked if this was so important to you. In this day and age it takes 30 seconds to check Google street view, then check the date of the street view and do a drive-by if necessary.

Also, didn't you have to go to the reg office to do the official booking stuff beforehand? We had to go to our local one for one set of things (checking we weren't illegal immigrants) and the actual one we were getting married in for the other set of things (the booklet with the vows in etc).

I think you could legit be gutted if you'd been surprised on "don't tell the bride" with a shit registry office but if you booked it yourself I don't know how it's taken this long to find out it's horrible.