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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

So gutted about registry office venue.

62 replies

malificent7 · 07/08/2023 17:54

We originally booked 2 beautiful venues but had to increasingly scale back due to lack of funds ( hence swapping to a smaller venue.)
Eventually we just thought sod it and booked a registry office in a local seaside town.
I only just had the chance to look at it today and I am so gutted. The council really havn't looked after the facade and the flower beds that looked so lovely in the photos are bedraggled. Moreover there was broken glass all over the driveway. I had to mention it to the registrar who to be fair did get it cleaned up.
I did call up and complain about the glass and they said that it's because there are a lot of drunks and alcoholics in the area.
The car park is behind a wall of graffiti and has potholes.

At the least the restaurant afterwards is lovely. I just feel embarrassed to have my guests there.

With 3 weeks to go we can't change the venue. I guess we left it so late as we have been so busy and have run out of options financially anyway.

OP posts:
delilabell · 07/08/2023 18:38

I don't know how big the flower beds are but could you buy some bedding plants from a market and replant them a couple of days before hand?
If the outside does bother you can you do anything else to improve it? A flower or balloon arch as you walk in maybe?
We got married in a registry office that was lovely inside (well I thought it was) but nothing special out the front. Didn't bother me as we had nice places for our photos and I was buzzing that I was at last getting married.
Things will be fine but you need and deserve more than fine so do anything you can to make yourself happier.

SgtPercyTwentyman · 07/08/2023 18:40

My SIL was due to be married in Peterborough registry office and the week before it burnt down. Result, she was married in a portakabin!

Ginmonkeyagain · 07/08/2023 18:49

On Saturday we witnessed a couple and wedding party exit our fairly attractive local church straight in to a thunderstorm and within seconds everyone was soaked to the skin.

Americano75 · 07/08/2023 18:50

It's understandable to be upset, it's your wedding and it's a big deal. Some good (and not so good, but ignore) suggestions above but I know you're going to have an amazing day.

Annasoror · 07/08/2023 18:54

Our registry office wasn't very scenic at all, but we didn't really notice. We had a small wedding, a lovely lunch with about 20 people and then just sat about chatting and it was lovely. The registry office was seriously a really tiny part of things.
But I think attacking somebody who married her husband in the ICU and who then lost him is appalling. She isn't being catty at all - she's pointing out that a wedding is about much more than a registry office.

dudsville · 07/08/2023 18:54

You want what you want, but I always loved the idea of the more frugal war era weddings, just the bride and groom in their Sunday best at the registry then off to a restaurant for a nice meal with a few close friends and home. None of this faffing about with mock-royal wedding fanfare. When we finally decided to get married this is exactly what we did. Best wedding ever ❤

Coolasakebab · 07/08/2023 19:02

I’ve been to loads of weddings, and it’s the generic ‘big white’ weddings that I like least. They are so formulaic. What makes a wedding good is if it is small so everyone there genuinely loves the bride and groom, and you get a much nicer dinner in a restaurant than a wedding venue. I couldn’t care less about the beauty or otherwise of the registry office. If you love your husband to be that’s all that matters.

Camacamacama · 07/08/2023 19:08

I’ve had 2 weddings. One more traditional and bigger wedding with my late husband and one registry office then back to our house with my alive husband. Both were absolutely lovely and I wouldn’t change a thing. Congratulations and enjoy every minute.

EpidermalLayer · 07/08/2023 19:09

Annasoror · 07/08/2023 18:54

Our registry office wasn't very scenic at all, but we didn't really notice. We had a small wedding, a lovely lunch with about 20 people and then just sat about chatting and it was lovely. The registry office was seriously a really tiny part of things.
But I think attacking somebody who married her husband in the ICU and who then lost him is appalling. She isn't being catty at all - she's pointing out that a wedding is about much more than a registry office.

PP mentioned maternity dress, so surely it was her baby, not husband, that she lost?
In any case it wasn't THAT which was catty. It was her statement that if the venue is at all important to you then you shouldn't be getting married.

How is that helpful to the OP?

Going through a terrible tragedy doesn't give you the right to dismiss other people's feelings. In that case MN shouldn't exist as all because 99% of the stuff discussed on here ... trivial problems.

Original poster
malificent7 · 07/08/2023 19:11

I don't think the poster was being catty tbh. I think she was helping me put things in perspective.

OP posts:
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/08/2023 19:15

HopelessEstateAgents · 07/08/2023 18:00

Would perspective help OP? My wedding venue was the intensive care unit, my dress was a sweaty maternity top. He died 16 days later.

You're marrying someone you love. The venue is so utterly unimportant. In fact, if it is important, then don't get married, as you've honestly missed the point (I mean that nicely)

Have a happy and long life together. Hang some balloons outside the venue.

I’m so sorry.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/08/2023 19:19

steff13 · 07/08/2023 18:01

Could you get married in a park? I don't know the rules there, but my husband and I got married at park that had a nice gazebo.

Or, do you live in the community where this is? Could you and your fiance volunteer to clean it up?

Ffs, they pay council tax and a fee to registry office, and you’re suggesting the day before the wedding they go along with shovels and brooms to pick up other people’s mess that council can’t be arsed to do
really? 🤦‍♀️

Trees6 · 07/08/2023 19:21

Your plan sounds so much nicer than a tedious manor house marathon, OP.

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/08/2023 19:22

Op, just have a check on google…a lot of registry offices are near parks , literally short walks, that might allow you to take a bottle of fizz, some glasses and head over there straight away for photos and chat before going on to meal

its what we did, lovely little park just along the road

MyMachineAndMe · 07/08/2023 19:29

My wedding was a register office do because in my opinion it's the actual marriage that is important and the place where you sign the contract really does not matter. I have been to the big, white weddings as well as the ones where it's register office and then pub afterwards. None felt more special than another simply because more money was spent on it.

Original poster
malificent7 · 07/08/2023 19:33

I think I am really pissed off because my family are actually offering to clean up the mess left outside the registry office which is absolutely lovely but they shouldn't bloody have to!!

OP posts:
Original poster
malificent7 · 07/08/2023 19:36

Plus I don't want anyone cutting their hands on glass.whilst they are doing it.

OP posts:
MyMachineAndMe · 07/08/2023 20:15

Won't the council come out and do it if you report it? They do here.

MyMachineAndMe · 07/08/2023 20:17

Appleofmyeye2023 · 07/08/2023 19:22

Op, just have a check on google…a lot of registry offices are near parks , literally short walks, that might allow you to take a bottle of fizz, some glasses and head over there straight away for photos and chat before going on to meal

its what we did, lovely little park just along the road

We did the same. There's a ruined castle near to the R.O. where we got married and we went there for the photos etc before going to the pub.

CruCru · 07/08/2023 20:21

Yes, please don’t let your family clean up broken glass

HopelessEstateAgents · 07/08/2023 20:30

Oh jog on @midsomermurderess

It IS an acceptable response to offer perspective. It's the quality of the relationship and subsequent marriage that matters, not the party.

Sorry if you haven't learned that yet.

HopelessEstateAgents · 07/08/2023 20:39

OP, all I wanted to achieve with my comment is to make you take a breath and realise you already have everything. You're marrying someone you love. I promise you, nothing else about the day matters. In addition to being a young widow, I am also a scientist. And science has proved repeatedly that the only way we increase our happiness is by appreciating what we have. So I wish you only happiness by encouraging you to appreciate what you have and set aside the very trivial matter of how attractive the building is.

I wish you a long and happy marriage.

And to the posters who asked if I'm ok - I'm doing really well. I rebuilt my life and I'm grateful for every second of it.

elliejjtiny · 07/08/2023 22:46

I had a lovely wedding day on a budget with no regrets but over the years I have learnt that the actual wedding day doesn't really matter as it's one day and then you get to spend the rest of your lives being married. But do go somewhere nice like the beach or a park for photos as those things will be on the wall for the rest of your lives!

Original poster
malificent7 · 10/08/2023 07:18

Thanks for the kind words.
This sounds horribly ungrateful but i asked my dad if I could defer paying him a loan until after the wedding and he said " no" so I changed my lovely venue at my local beautiful town hall as it would have been about £600 to get the registrar out. Fair enough.
He also said he wasn't going to give me as much as he gave my sisters wedding

( which he only did under duress as my mum made him under his last dying wish- and it wasn't a huge sum)as I cost him more when I was growing up ( whole new thread as I had severe MH issues growing up.....hospitalisation etc).
He did change his mind as I got upset and has very kindly offered to give me as much as my sister. But if he'd been excited and generous from the start, I could have kept the venue that I loved. ( which was a lot cheaper than my original plan of the manor house which we booked.)
Whilst I am grateful to my dad for his contribution, I think seeing my slightly shabby venue brought it all back.
Oh and we are having to ask our guests to pay for their own meal which i'm hugely embarrassed about.
Not to mention the crumby pot holed carpark behind the graffitti wall.
There...I guess I am a bride zilla!

OP posts:
Vettrianofan · 10/08/2023 07:21

OP this reminds me of when I married DH. We had photos outside the registry office. The place was being updated, so loads of scaffolding up outside. We still laugh about it 17 years later.

It's the marriage that's important. Don't sweat the small stuff.

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