AIBU to be annoyed about this

[Blendiful]

Difficult one here but I am not sure if IABU or not.

DP and I have a shared 'hobby' it's a new hobby we discovered together over the past year and now spend lots of time watching.

I suggested we go and watch it live but DP said he didn't want to spend the money doing that and wasn't really bothered so we didn't.

Fast forward to yesterday and he comes home saying he has been asked to go and watch the hobby live with 2 family members (both male) together, paid for. He comes home and asks me do I want to go along.

Now, yes I would like to go, as I had already asked him to and he said he wasn't bothered. But I don't want to go with 3x males on my own as the odd one out which I will be. These have known each-other practically their whole life and me more recently, I would be like a spare part.

I'm annoyed now, because when I asked he wasn't bothered; now all of a sudden he is going with these others. To me it was something 'special' that I felt we should go to together to experience for the first time it is not something we can afford to do more than once.

He says IABU to be pissed off cause he offered for me to go. But I don't see it that way, as basically it feels like he asked me because he knew I'd be annoyed if he didn't, but I don't particularly want to go and spend the whole weekend as a 'fourth wheel'. I'm really annoyed/upset by it, and he just thinks I am being totally unreasonable.

If they're family members why are you the 'odd one'? I don't think there's any issue in seeing it more worth spending the money as a group outing rather than a couple thing.

To me it was something 'special' that I felt we should go to together to experience for the first time it is not something we can afford to do more than once
I get that but I think you are mismatched in how you view it - not really either of your fault.

Sorry I think you are being a bit unreasonable... but I can see how you think of it differently than your DH.

Also when you say 'paid for' do you mean you don't have to pay anything? That could totally swing it particularly as you said money was the reason he hadn't said yes initially.

Might change my opinion depending on what it is?! Dogging?

But if it's paid for that's the difference, so perhaps it's more that you're both on different pages when it comes to finances. Doesn't seem like something to get upset over, I mean he's asked you to go hasn't he?

I think you are being unreasonable. It sounds as though he was worried a out spending the money initially but you you say he was invited by family and it was paid for so he accepted that sounds reasonable to me. And you were invited. Why can't you go and get to know his family better, you might enjoy yourself

Personally I wouldn't be bothered at all. He asked you to join, he has free tickets. Why would you automatically be left out? Just join in with conversation or sit back and watch the sport (?). He clearly wants you there or he wouldn't have asked. He didn't want to pay to go, now he has free tickets go along and enjoy it! Yabu.

Go, it might not be quite how you would chose to go, but go with an open mind, I’m sure you will enjoy it. Put it another way, if you don’t go you will resent it more

Wouldn't want to be the afterthought either op. Have a fab week end either at home or make your own plans for a trip without him.

Free tickets to something you'll enjoy? Just go OP!

Sorry but YABU. I don’t really understand why you would feel left out going with DP and his family members.

The comment about it being special to see it live for the first time together sounds a bit twee.

I'm guessing it was the paid for bit that swung it for him, there are lots of places I would like to go watch / see but also couldn't justify the cost for. For example in an old job we often got offered free / very cheap concert tickets. I went to loads but now I wouldn't pay full price. This doesn't mean I dont want to go with DH, just I don't want spend that much money on it.

I would go - yes, its ok to be a little peeved as he didnt want to go just you (but that was most likely cost)

These kinds of things can be more fun in a group any way

Free for him. Not free for me. His is paid for. It wouldn't be paid for by me. And these tickets are way more expensive than the ones I was looking at.

Honestly initially it wasn't the ticket cost it's that he said he 'wasn't bothered' about going as it's better to just watch at home. Which is partly why I am annoyed. It's like he didn't really want to go just us, but now other people are it seems like a better choice.

It also involved staying over, in a tent, with 2 people I don't know very well. There is absolutely no chance on earth he would do this if the tables were turned and it was me plus x2 female family members and I asked him to tag along.

And whilst he has been offered it for free. He's told me he won't allow the family member to pay that much. So he'll pay for himself. These tickets are 3x the cost of the ones I looked at. So it's defintiely not cost related.

OK. If there’s camping involved I would be OUT!!

Motor racing?

I wouldn't share a tent with men I don't know.

oh, that makes it different, I wouldn't be happy

Yes I agree, that does change things. In that case I'm not surprised you're feeling hurt.

He wasn't bothered about going with just you, using the cheap tickets.

But now the opportunity is to attend as a group with you and two family members, with good tickets, with the offer of his own ticket being paid for, it's more appealing.

I don't think you need to be offended because you're invited - just go, life's too short to grumble about unimportant stuff.

Ignoring the bit of a drip feed (I didn’t think you were wholly unreasonable before), nah I’d be peeved. Suggest cheaper tickets for you and husband and meet the other two afterwards, drink/food/chat about said hobby?

This was what I suggested. We go, stay separately and meet up with them for parts and do other parts alone. I have no problem with that.

I do like them, I just don't know them well enough to share a tent with. Or to be the one female in the company for a whole weekend. I actually get on well with males in general, and like his family, it's more just they've known eachother their whole life, whereas me not as long, and I think they kind of wanted it to be them 3 so not sure how happy the others would be at me being a tag along.

It feels like basically DP has asked me so 'I can't moan' knowing I wouldn't go in that set up, but knowing I'd be annoyed because I'd already asked him to go with me and he'd refused.

Yes this is it. Sorry thought it might be abit outing but it's probably already outing now!

Sorry to drip feed further. I think it's annoyed me more; as getting him to do simple things such as go out for a dinner with my family feels like hard work. He's not a fan of doing things with other people, which often results in me going along to family things alone. I've kind of got used to that.

But now the tables are turned he expects me to want to share a tent with 2 of his family members for a whole weekend. And I am the one being unreasonable for saying no I don't want to do that.

The doing it together first may seem petty and I'll admit I probably ABU about that. But that kind of stuff matters to me, mainly because we have done a lot of "life" already there aren't many things we get to experience for the first time just us 2. It's something we've really go into and enjoy doing together so it just feels like a slap in the face of, oh I wasn't bothered about going with you, but I'll go with them.

I honestly don't see a problem with this. You say you don't know these family members well but this would be a good way of getting to know them better over a shared interest. Sharing a tent with men wouldn't bother me but since it bothers you, why don't you just get your own tent for you and DH? Unless you think your DH will ignore you all weekend (in which case you have bigger problems) then I really don't see a problem with any of it.

I'm with you on the sharing a tent thing, I'd suggest just going for the day or both of you staying in a travelodge/premier inn nearby.

It isn't BSB by any chance? If so, there will be lots of women and kids there, I've followed motorcycle racing for a long time and the crowds are more mixed now than they have ever been.
If it's the touring cars at Knockhill, take a coat, even on a sunny day it's freezing up there

Op I too would be upset but for the fact that it was 2 men who sold my DH something I couldn't , like their opinion was more important than mine.

He said it's too expensive to add the cost of staying seperately so wouldn't do that.

I also do yes, feel a bit like I will be 'ignored' not completely, but I will likely spend a lot of time just standing on my own. They all have other shared interests I don't share and having spent time in the company before it's likely I would spend a-lot of time just standing and watching whilst they talk among themselves which isn't really what I would want to do.

Aside from that I cannot afford this expensive ticket, he knows that. It's as I said 3x the amount of the ones I looked at, and even that would have been a luxury spend.

We went to a 'family event' with my family last week, 3 couples and the kids, so not quite the same. And he went off in front, so far in fact they (him and child) finished and headed home before we had even reached the end, and whilst we branched off a little from eachother we met up intermittently and had a drink in the cafe together in the middle etc.

He makes very little effort to integrate himself into things with my family, and that's couples so at least a little more even. So to expect me to do this just seems even more off.

I think I probably am partially BU. I could just go, I'll probably still enjoy myself to an extent. I won't be, as I can't afford it anyway, but also that it just feels very underhanded give the other elements.