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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed about this

37 replies

Blendiful · 07/08/2023 16:07

Difficult one here but I am not sure if IABU or not.

DP and I have a shared 'hobby' it's a new hobby we discovered together over the past year and now spend lots of time watching.

I suggested we go and watch it live but DP said he didn't want to spend the money doing that and wasn't really bothered so we didn't.

Fast forward to yesterday and he comes home saying he has been asked to go and watch the hobby live with 2 family members (both male) together, paid for. He comes home and asks me do I want to go along.

Now, yes I would like to go, as I had already asked him to and he said he wasn't bothered. But I don't want to go with 3x males on my own as the odd one out which I will be. These have known each-other practically their whole life and me more recently, I would be like a spare part.

I'm annoyed now, because when I asked he wasn't bothered; now all of a sudden he is going with these others. To me it was something 'special' that I felt we should go to together to experience for the first time it is not something we can afford to do more than once.

He says IABU to be pissed off cause he offered for me to go. But I don't see it that way, as basically it feels like he asked me because he knew I'd be annoyed if he didn't, but I don't particularly want to go and spend the whole weekend as a 'fourth wheel'. I'm really annoyed/upset by it, and he just thinks I am being totally unreasonable.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 07/08/2023 16:59

Doingtheboxerbeat · 07/08/2023 16:56

Op I too would be upset but for the fact that it was 2 men who sold my DH something I couldn't , like their opinion was more important than mine.

To be fair that's not an off point. That I hadn't thought about. He does go on ALOT about how there are too many women in sport now, it's becoming too much of a thing etc. another issue entirely.

But I do wonder if that's part of it. He'd rather go with the lads than with me, because it's sport and it won't be as much fun with my boring little female ass there.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 07/08/2023 17:04

december212 · 07/08/2023 16:55

I'm with you on the sharing a tent thing, I'd suggest just going for the day or both of you staying in a travelodge/premier inn nearby.

It isn't BSB by any chance? If so, there will be lots of women and kids there, I've followed motorcycle racing for a long time and the crowds are more mixed now than they have ever been.
If it's the touring cars at Knockhill, take a coat, even on a sunny day it's freezing up there Grin

Not BSB. F1, very expensive, hence we can't afford to do it more than once.

Even if we could to me it's more the point going in person is obviously much better than watching on tv and I've been talking about wanting to go for ages with him saying he's really not bothered as you can't see much etc better to watch on tv. I've explained all the other great things happening there, and he was still non plussed. Until he came back yesterday all excited about going.

Just makes me think now it was more about not going with just me, rather than not going at all, as now it seems like a great idea to him.

OP posts:
readbooksdrinktea · 07/08/2023 17:12

He doesn't sound great. I wouldn't go, especially not if it involved sleeping in a tent with people I didn't know well.

PoseyFlump · 07/08/2023 17:12

This is one of those things again OP where it's not really about the tickets but more about your relationship and how your DP hasn't taken you seriously until a man had the idea. I'm not saying LTB but think you need a proper talk!

calmcoco · 07/08/2023 17:13

I am 'wtf' at this remark: He does go on A LOT about how there are too many women in sport now
This is a way bigger issue than any one ticket/event.

drpet49 · 07/08/2023 17:14

Crossstich · 07/08/2023 16:12

I think you are being unreasonable. It sounds as though he was worried a out spending the money initially but you you say he was invited by family and it was paid for so he accepted that sounds reasonable to me. And you were invited. Why can't you go and get to know his family better, you might enjoy yourself

This. This is such a non issue OP.

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/08/2023 17:15

Okay, the more you write, the more he's sounding like a bit of a dick. A sexist dick at that. 🙄

How about you both get the cheaper tickets (as per your original suggestion that he pooh-poohed) and then you can afford to have your own tent? (or stay in a Premier Inn or equivalent which would be better) And you can meet up with his family members for watching the race (only)?

I should add that I'm female and have been a F1 fan since I was a child (I come from a family of petrolheads). F1 is an amazing experience in person despite 'being able to see more on TV' but you need to pick your race (and seats) carefully to have the best experience. It's a lot of money to get it wrong. I wouldn't camp for F1 - but then I wouldn't camp for Glastonbury either.

Original poster
Blendiful · 07/08/2023 17:18

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/08/2023 17:15

Okay, the more you write, the more he's sounding like a bit of a dick. A sexist dick at that. 🙄

How about you both get the cheaper tickets (as per your original suggestion that he pooh-poohed) and then you can afford to have your own tent? (or stay in a Premier Inn or equivalent which would be better) And you can meet up with his family members for watching the race (only)?

I should add that I'm female and have been a F1 fan since I was a child (I come from a family of petrolheads). F1 is an amazing experience in person despite 'being able to see more on TV' but you need to pick your race (and seats) carefully to have the best experience. It's a lot of money to get it wrong. I wouldn't camp for F1 - but then I wouldn't camp for Glastonbury either.

I agree.

Tbf it's all a moot point now as they've booked it. So if I want to go, I'll have to find someone else to go with. I have a friend who is very into F1 and has already been to many races, so thinking of asking her and just going the 2 of us.

I just wanted to double check I wasn't completely BU first with some others.

Didn't mean to drip feed but as questions get asked you realise more relevant points. I think I'll just leave him to do it with the lads. Realise doing things together obviously isn't as important to him. And apply this principle to other areas of life. I have lots of friends who want to do things, so I'll start doing some things with them instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Blendiful · 07/08/2023 17:20

calmcoco · 07/08/2023 17:13

I am 'wtf' at this remark: He does go on A LOT about how there are too many women in sport now
This is a way bigger issue than any one ticket/event.

Yes I am very wtf about it too. I have tried to raise the issue, but he won't listen and sees it as totally different to many other things, he's annoyed about all the female pundits, women wanting more money for sport etc.

I've realised it's a waste of time trying to speak to him about it, as he doesn't listen.

OP posts:
stayathomer · 07/08/2023 17:23

Sometimes you get into a conversation with someone and they say they’d love to see it and you decide actually we’ll make a day/night out of it. I thought you were going to say he didn’t ask you. Go and have a good time, whether you’re a spare part or not (and I don’t think you will be)

december212 · 07/08/2023 17:25

I agree with previous poster re: being picky on F1 seats. Went to Monaco years ago and bought seats for the cheapest area which was on a steep banking near the start finish. Good for atmosphere, crap for actually watching the race.
You're right to be a bit peeved at your OH on this but I'd probably just go anyway and clear off for a walk at the track if they start chatting about other hobbies. At least you'll still get to see some racing and experience the atmosphere.

HundredMilesAnHour · 07/08/2023 17:28

Blendiful · 07/08/2023 17:18

I agree.

Tbf it's all a moot point now as they've booked it. So if I want to go, I'll have to find someone else to go with. I have a friend who is very into F1 and has already been to many races, so thinking of asking her and just going the 2 of us.

I just wanted to double check I wasn't completely BU first with some others.

Didn't mean to drip feed but as questions get asked you realise more relevant points. I think I'll just leave him to do it with the lads. Realise doing things together obviously isn't as important to him. And apply this principle to other areas of life. I have lots of friends who want to do things, so I'll start doing some things with them instead.

Show quote history

Go with your friend instead. To a different race. A better one. 😜And fuck him.

I'd actually suggest making a long weekend / holiday out of it and going away properly with your friend. To really rub his face in it. I'd suggest Monaco or Baku, or if you can afford it Singapore or Melbourne (both of these are fabulous - I've gone alone as well as with friends).

And it sounds like his sexist attitude isn't just sport related as he clearly doesn't listen to you. I'm surprised you don't have the ick OP. His comments give me the massive ick and there would be serious words if he was someone I had to interact with (i.e. colleague, family member etc). It's not the 1950s.

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