To find comments on my weight hurtful or am I too sensitive?

[AlienInAMeatSuit]

Staying with in laws currently. I'm 6 months pregnant and have ballooned already.

It wasn't a planned pregnancy and I was already overweight going into it. Size 16-18 and about 13 stone. I felt bad about myself then and was trying to change my lifestyle but found out I was pregnant.

So far I've had a horrible pregnancy, suffered horribly with dry hyperemesis up until 20 weeks. This made me really struggle to function normally and spend most of the days in bed or around the house and I found eating carbs were the only thing that didn't make the nausea worse so the combination of not a lot of exercise and a lot of carbs made me put on even more weight. I'm painfully aware of this.

Now at 24 weeks pregnant the horrible nausea is easing off but instead I've got ligament pain in my belly and really swollen and painful feet, both of which stop me from walking for too long so again, can't function like I used to and get good exercise in.

I don't even want to weigh myself but I'd guess around 15 stone now and size 18-20. I feel very ashamed and uncomfortable and self conscious and am quite a sensitive person anyway so may be overreacting to these comments but in laws have commented on my weight so many times this visit.

Saying things like "I would offer insert food to eat but from the looks of it you're big enough!" or "you're hurting so much from all that weight you're carrying, go on a diet".

I know these things. I'm very aware of my weight and I wish I could change it but I can't exactly go on a restrictive diet while pregnant and I'm trying to walk as much as I can now that I don't feel so sick but then I end up in a lot of pain from the walking or standing so I can't do much of it.

AIBU to think it's just insensitive and rude to make comments like this? Or should I just let it go over my head and not be so sensitive about it?

DP says I am too sensitive and need to get over it which may be true but it's such a sore point for me that I just feel awfully self conscious and upset about it all now.

I really hope your other half is saying something to stick up for you ?

that’s horrible

They are very rude. You aren't being oversensitive.

I"m so sorry it sounds like you have enough on your plate as it is.

Thank you for all your replies everyone. It's been really comforting reading these and hearing that I'm not being oversensitive. In the past when I've been told this I've just accepted that it's me being sensitive but I always thought, I would never say things like that to people so clearly I care more about people's feelings than others.

Thanks for the advice re swimming and batch cooking meals! I will definitely do this. The GD diet is good advice too. I'm keen to start doing anything that's safe to get myself into healthier habits so I can lose this weight once the baby is here and feel happier and healthier.

These are horrible things to say. I had really big babies and quite frankly was enormous with all my pregnancies. I didn’t need anyone telling me this though!

im so sorry your partner is being equally as shit by not supporting you. Some men have absolutely zero clue of what we put our bodies through when pregnant!

Have a look at ride-sharing, depending on where you are maybe you'll get lucky.

https://www.gopili.co.uk/ride-sharing/

Nope. After any comment like that I'd respond: 'I'm well aware and it doesn't help you making comments about it.' Don't say 'sorry' or anything, just look them in the eye and say it.
Your husband needs to back you up - he should tell his family to stop.

Your in laws really do sound like unpleasant people!

GD diet is a good suggestion, I had GD when pregnant and ended up 1 and a half stone lighter at the end of my pregnancy than at the start.

Diabetes U.K. have good resources.

Basic premise is to reduce simple carbs, replace them with complex ones and to always pair a carb with fat or protein.

Don't exclude carbs altogether, you need a mix of all the food groups, any diet that advocates completely cutting a food group entirely is too extreme.

So multi seeded or rye bread instead of white bread or cream crackers.
Switch out pasta and rice with green veg, if you're making spaghetti bolognaise for the family then have your bolognaise with asparagus or green beans instead for example.

Ditch 'low fat' and have full fat, it's usually higher protein, it's less processed, it's more filling and they often fill low fat versions with sugar to make up for what they've taken out. Full fat Greek yoghurt, full fat cottage cheese (longley farms brand is waaaaaaaay better than any other brand).

If you have an apple then dip slices in peanut butter to balance out the sugar in the fruit, if you have toast have it with an egg, baked potato (sweet potato is less carbs) with Tuna..........and so on.

You end up eating less because you are more satiated by the food having fat and protein in it, and your sugar levels don't spike as high so your body breaks down the food better.

Also plenty of water.

They are unspeakably rude! FYI I wasn't at all over weight at the start or end of my pregnancy and couldn't even use the loo without help at the end I was in so much pain!!!

Your DH's family are arseholes.

Having gone through 2 pregnancies (and I had HG both time til 24 weeks), please do talk about your weight with your midwife though. She's the best person to advise you whether to try loosing weight whilst pregnant or not - or how to maintain yourself as you are.

I gained a lot with my first pregnancy. It was during the first COVID lockdown and I ate a packet of chocolate biscuits a day in the last trimester. Whilst I had a lot of fluid (I lost 10kg the day I gave birth!), the extra weight did result in a lot of aches and pains I could have probably avoided - my ankles and the arches of my feet were especially painful.

With my second I was much more mobile (running after a toddler will do that!) and was still crawling through soft plays at 39 weeks. I have to say the birth was much much easier. Still an induction because my body isn't brilliant at pushing babies out, but easier.

Whatever happens, congratulations on your pregnancy!

They sound awful but if it’s any consolation I wasn’t particularly big when pregnant and I still
got a lot of horrible comments. Can you fit behind the wheel of your car? What’s the client going to say when they see you looking like that? Etc etc I have no idea why people think pregnant women’s bodies are a free for all.
i would really encourage you also to try swimming somewhere you feel comfortable- women’s only session or pregnant women’s session as suggested. Apart from the exercise part it’s blissful being in water while pregnant and feeling so much less heavy. 🤗

I really think you should call them out and leave.

It's downright nasty to be making those comments, and your DH is minimising and excusing their behaviour by joining in with "your too sensitive" comments which is totally unforgivable.

You can address your weight when you're good and ready, and I'd like to come over there right now and give your ILs and DH and real piece of my mind about their shitty behaviour then give you a lift to wherever you want to go.

You have a DP problem, he sounds awful.

I would get a train home with DS. Fuck the cost, DP can pay.

Disgusting behaviour.....no way should you be staying and putting up with it! And if your husband can't see how badly they are treating you I'd be telling him he can stay and live with them and not bother coming home! He is essentially allowing them to bully his wife and child......and by not stopping it, he is also a bully. Do you usually have problems with him?

DP refuses to leave early because he's saying I'm making a big deal out of nothing and need to let it go.

They’re cunts. Your partner is a cunt.

Not helpful but true. Say you’ve had enough and get a train home.

We are leaving tomorrow morning. DP finally said something in the way of standing up for me after FIL said "didn't realise you were having twins".. Will be glad to be going home where I can focus on positive things. Thank you all for your replies and advice, I will definitely speak to my midwife next week and bring up my weight and see what she suggests. The GD diet is something I will look into and also seeing if I can find pregnancy swimming classes.

I definitely need to work on standing up for myself and speaking out when needed. It's the curse of being introverted and extremely shy. I've never been able to speak out and it's something I hate about myself but often feel crippled by shyness.

Thanks again for the support today. I really needed it.

Glad you are leaving

Don't feel bad that you find it hard to stick up for yourself. The fault is with the rude people, not with you.

Swimming is lovely, even just very gentle short swims will feel good as the water takes all the weight. Or some places so pregnancy aqua aerobics (or the teachers of normal aqua aerobics classes will normally adapt the exercises for you)

I am neither sensitive nor shy and l come from a large family where we joke a lot with each other and l would find their comments extremely offensive. Maybe stop thinking you are oversensitive and realise you are actually normal. These people are absolutely horrible and no right thinking person would accept their horrible behaviour. How dare they!! You are caring for their disabled gc and carrying their next one in an uncomfortable way and they Ave the cheek to mock you. It's good you are leaving...never look back.

I think this is a lovely message. It isn’t you, it’s them. I often dwell on hurtful things, but I remember when pg just knowing it went beyond me, my looks, my weight. Who cares. this was a new person I was growing, and the most monumental physical thing I’d ever done. No biological man experiences it. Women do this. Making your FILs ignorant twins comments doubly dumb.

I’d recommend you focus on treating yourself well now, in the knowledge that you are undergoing one of the most exhausting, bizarre, body-sapping physical experiences known to humanity.

Anyway, I guess you must be back home now, and wishing you all the best for your pregnancy. Look after yourself!

It’s rude I’d go home. I wouldn’t do anything diet wise without speaking to consultant and midwife. I know you used to be able to do Slimming world pregnant as it’s healthy eating not crash diet. Personally I’d just focus on walking if you can and eating nutrious food.

Very rude, commenting on it from a place of concern is dodgy enough but openly joking about your weight is horrible.

Some people need to learn they can't just say whatever they want in the name of "banter" with no consequences.

I was put on an 1800 calorie diet by my doctor when pregnant (not in UK). It was specifically designed by a dietician for pregnant women. Looking back I'm glad as I'm sure it helped me recover post partum.

Anyway, OP your in laws are rude and have no right to comment on your weight. Try eating a bit more protein to help stabilise your blood sugar and which might help with the sickness. Hope all goes well for you!

Your dp is the problem. They feel free to speak to like this because your dh allows it. My dh would have absolutely blasted anyone who dared say anything to upset me. I really hope this opened your eyes to how he has treated you.