To think shared finances are not always fair?

[Gummybears6]

If there are children involved and one person is doing more of the childcare that's totally different, also barring disability and such.
But if there aren't any... I've heard of situations where one party (usually the man) earns well. The woman maybe less, or just works part-time or not at all.
However since people 'should' pool money when married, the woman has access to the same high earnings as the man for little of the work.
I would love to swan around with access to a lot of money and just work part-time. I haven't got that luxury and probably never will.
It's just one of those things in life I suppose. I probably sound resentful, but I am. If it were a high earning woman marrying a much lower earning man, people would be calling him a cocklodger and saying he's taking her for a ride. However the other way round it absolutely must be shared finances as they're married. I don't get it.

You say you feel bitter because you don't have access to big money. Well the world is your oyster! You can research higher paying jobs, sign up with agencies, talk to contacts, polish up your CV and start a journey to massive salary increase!

If I'm looking after mine and my husbands kids so he can go to work then the money he earns is half mine and vice versa

It's a huge double standard. If it were a husband/male partner choosing to only work part time and life a life of luxury on his wife's salary, he'd be called all sorts of names on here.

It's totally different if the other partner is looming after children. But how many cocklodger threads are there on here?
apparently women should be able to work as few hours as they like and have access to 100% of partner's money.

On those threads it is often the man not only not working but also not doing the household stuff either.

Oh dear, shame you can't disagree with me without swearing. How vulgar.

That was for @yogasaurus

I guess a lot of people are getting angry because I'm highlighting their situation. I'm not meaning to cause offence, I'm just sharing my opinion.

Bit patronising.

Don't really care if it's patronising. I don't deserve to be sworn at for having an opinion.

Pssst, you need to tuck your resentment back in your knickers, it is trailing on the ground behind you and it is not a good look.

Unless you know every aspect of this persons life you are coming across as nasty

for example

do either of them have elderly or disabled relatives who need support

does she have a disability of some sort

is she working at home on a personal project or business

Any of which would be a perfectly valid reason for part time working and would also be none of anyone else’s concern.

Or maybe she enjoys working part time and rubbing it in to annoy people like you just adds another layer to that enjoyment.

What's it got to do with you?

I don't share finances, I have a partner but we keep different finances. I earn more than him - he benefits from nicer holidays and nicer things than he could afford alone.

He works full time but if he wanted to go part time that would be up to him - we pay bills proportionate to our incomes and there would have to be a discussion about how he intended to pay his share.

If he became disabled tomorrow and could not work, or had to take on caring responsibilities that would be a different discussion.

But you would never know the actual reason outside of the partnership - if his mental health meant he couldn't work for example, why would anyone else know that?

I don't see how the sex of the individual is relevant?

I don't think fairness in other peoples relationships is your business.

You know this is Mumsnet, right? People swear on here. It's allowed.

If I don't want to be sworn at, that is my right.
Anyway, it is futile discussing any further.

Mumsnet is known as the sweary parenting site, you know. People do swear here.

Yep. Horses for courses. If it works for one couple who is anyone else to judge?

Fwiw, cleaning and household admin does not take only 10 mins a day. If you want a spotlessly clean and always tidy house it could easily take every morning. Then nice meals could take an hour a day.
I think it's quite easy to justify a part time job for one partner in a childless couple because it means that the full time worker really doesn't have to lift a finger when they're home and they can have a lot of couple time or hobby time if they want.

I joke with MrHadhim that he's going to retire first and be a househusband and cook the dinner and do the housework and pander to my every whim

apparently women should be able to work as few hours as they like and have access to 100% of partner's money.

Looking after children, maintaining the house and several cars, doing all the mental load, running around after elderly parents is all work - or haven’t you tried it? Given the choice between 3 children talking at me all day or doing an office job - no contest as to which was easier! DH and DS both agree! In the evenings, when DC were crying their eyes out over problems at school, DH just walked off saying “I can’t cope with all that emotional talk!”

I’ve just had to spend four days, helping grown up DD with ADD fill in an employment tribunal claim form! Which would be easier - my own field of work with decades of experience, or a whole new field in law?

Some people make different decisions from other people. Some people value other things more highly than extra money. (Generally the richer you are, the less highly you value money - diminishing marginal utility and all that.) My lovely neighbour didn’t work at all; her DH was very wealthy and got poked off that her job only allowed her 25 days annual leave at prescribed times; he was older and wanted them to be able to travel together and enjoy themselves. That was a decision they took together. And it’s nobody else’s business but theirs. In the supply teacher example you gave, presumably that suits their particular set up (allows some term time holidays, for example). People make decisions to suit their own circumstances and it’s nobody else’s business.

I have never came across this, except for women now in their 70s+, where housekeeping was more labour intensive. They only times I have seen women of my generation work part time before children, it has been for health reasons.

What I do see, is women who take on the bulk of the childcare responsibilities while their husband takes leaps ahead in their career, with no worries about sick days, or leaving work bang on time because hungry people need them to get dinner on the table.

Then the children grow up, and the women find they are miles behind the men who were their peers. They stick with the part time option, as no one will step up at home, and they struggle to get back to where they were at work. Then, before they know where they are, the are providing childcare for grandkids.

@Jk987 the OP's point is neither does her colleague supply teacher - she just has a high earning husband !

@Quisquam makes a very good point about elderly parents. If all the part time women in the country stopped doing their unpaid caring roles to work more, the social care system would collapse.

(I have no defensiveness here, BTW, OP. I earn more than my husband. But your point is bollocks)

@WimpoleHat those people are only able to make those choices because of their partners. This involves an element of luck