Emma 25 and Luke 23 have been together coming on to three years. They have more or less lived together since they started their relationship and recently adopted two cats. This is Emma’s first relationship.
When they first started texting, Emma & I were out for food and as was Luke and another female (arrived after us and were sitting in close proximity). Both Emma & I knew they were on a date but Luke tried to deny this and say it was his sister. Luke would often go on dates while Emma was waiting at his home (they weren’t exclusive). Luke lived with Emma’s friends and she had easy access to his accommodation and took full advantage of this. He previously lived in a student estate before moving in with her friends and Emma would occasionally drive by his house to see if the lights were on. I didn’t agree with a lot of Emma’s behaviours and also thought Luke was making a complete mug out of her & we ended up falling out for just shy of a year because of my opinion.
A year on, Emma sends me a big text apologising and stated that while I was right about “absolutely everything”, Emma and Luke were now officially a couple doing great and even lived together. Of course, I took this for face value and accepted her apology as I only had her best interests at heart and we decided to repair our friendship.
NOTHING. HAS. CHANGED!
Emma & Luke aren’t right for each other but I learned the hard way that it is absolutely not my place to say or voice this. When we initially rekindled our friendship, Emma said Luke was texting a then married woman behind her back and she only found out because she checked his spare phone. Of course, Luke was not at fault and Emma decided to message a really degrading message to the woman. The woman wrote back and provided the receipts that while they were never physically intimate or even met outside of the gym, Luke reached out to her first and never mentioned once having a girlfriend. She was absolutely right and even from Luke’s message perspective (I was shown screenshots), everything aligned with what the woman had explained but Emma had love goggles on and couldn’t (still can’t) see this. To date, Luke still hasn’t posted any pictures of Emma on his social media & only reshared a couples picture once to his story.
Emma & Luke recently returned from their first holiday together, and the reason why they haven’t gone away abroad together before this was because Luke prioritises work and would prefer to take team trips than couple trips. Emma has stated gojng to all of Luke’s team games and practices to spend more time with him because she would “otherwise not get to see him”. Luke rarely supports or attends any of Emma’s work events & when Emma invites Luke, he gets defensive and tries to say that Emma plans every “free hour of his life”. For context, Emma works in the music/event sector and is frequently put up in hotels with food provided (all paid) with all access entry to the events she orchestrated, it’s not like she’s inviting Luke to a boring conference!
For the past month, they have just been arguing 25/8 and I am exhausted listening to Emma talk about it! Last night they had an argument over Luke’s female friend who lives with them but was agreed that it would only be temporary until she finds a new apartment to rent. Two months later, it is apparent that this friend has no intentions of moving and causes a lot of issues between them. Luke decided to tell Emma he needed space for the evening and when they discussed it that night, Luke decided to personally attack Emma’s character and state that she’s the problem (within their living accomdation) and that her attitude stinks. He said that Emma rarely goes and does things without him and reiterated how she tries to plan every hour free of his, and then said he felt like he was settling. He said that some days he decides to leave the house early so he’s not there when she comes home because he can’t bare to see her straight away.
Of course, I wiped Emma’s tears, and decided to finally voice my opinion and say that this was not acceptable behaviour but really upsetting to hear as her friend. She then got upset with me. While she agreed, she decided to buy him a card and write a handwritten love note to apologize and that she was willing to squash this and move on. LIKE, WHAT? Luke is Emma’s first boyfriend and even if he cheated on her, she wouldn’t leave, but Luke’s clearly unhappy and not content with their relationship & I can’t understand why he won’t breakup with Emma.
I feel emotionally drained from listening to how dysfunctional they are in day in and day out but Emma & I have only grown closer and I would hate to lose our friendship again. I have tried to set boundaries in place where we agree to not discuss Luke as she’s aware I don’t exactly like him (I wonder why) and they’re usually respected for a couple of weeks and then forgotten about entirely. AIBU to feel this way?
What should I do? Her mum isn’t aware of any of the above because Emma knows her mum would tell her to run, & I am debating messaging another one of her close friends to see if she would share her opinion but I’m concious of it going back to Emma at the same time.