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Original poster

Friend being off with me?

59 replies

BarbieMovie · 04/08/2023 17:24

My friend organised a girls lunch last week for six of us and I said yes at the time (about 3 weeks ago).

I’ve been feeling shit as works been horrendous and I completely forgot about it until she put a reminder in the group chat. I called her for a chat and she asked then if I was coming and I said I needed to check if there were vegan options.

This is my bad but I was so busy all week, I felt like shit (on anti-depressants) and I just didn’t want to go. She text me the morning of to say I still hadn’t come back to her and I said I didn’t realise (which is true) and that I won’t be coming.

She’s now being super off with me, like I messaged to say the food looked amazing when she posted a photo of it and she ignored it. She’s giving one word answers now etc - she’s knows I’m having a shit time so I thought she’d understand.

OP posts:
drunkpeacock · 04/08/2023 18:07

Is this a reverse by any chance?
The "OP" in the scenario is so obviously rude and flakey it's not really that mysterious.

DearyDeer · 04/08/2023 18:07

She may be annoyed that she put the effort into organising it and, from her point of view, you disrespected that effort by only telling her on the day that you couldn't come. It's fair to forget to reply sometimes, or even to cancel plans with short notice, we've all done it, but it has to come with a very big apology! Did you say "I'm so sorry", etc, or did you just say you couldn't come, then move on? Even though she knows you aren't having a good time of it right now, which may explain the cancellation, that wouldn't be an excuse for not being very apologetic about it.

I think you could quite easily fix it by sending her an apology now - it might be a little awkward to do it late but it's much better than not doing it at all.

I hope next week goes better for you

ParisP · 04/08/2023 18:20

She might just be busy.

Rtc12 · 04/08/2023 18:25

If there was a group of people going I don't see the issue, even if it was a late cancellation. I'd just apologise for cancelling late and ask if things are OK

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 18:33

@Rtc12 you don’t see the issue with letting your friend go to the effort of arranging a lunch with everyone, coordinating schedules, picking a restaurant to then just standing them up but it’s okay because it’s a group?

MistyMorningMelons · 04/08/2023 18:34

Rtc12 · 04/08/2023 18:25

If there was a group of people going I don't see the issue, even if it was a late cancellation. I'd just apologise for cancelling late and ask if things are OK

If all other invitees had behaved like OP, then the organiser would've been sat there on her own.

It's rude and there was ample opportunity to cancel.

Rtc12 · 04/08/2023 18:40

She said she'd cancelled the morning of, so if everyone did that it would have been disappointing but she wouldn't have been sat at the restaurant on her own

Rtc12 · 04/08/2023 18:43

@Hufflepods if my friend was struggling with their mental health and cancelled on the morning of an event and I still had other people to go with, it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't go in a mood with that friend. It's just my opinion. I've just had plans for tomo cancelled, I'm not going in a mood with that friend.

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 18:44

@Rtc12 she didn’t exactly cancel if her own accord, the friend reached out to ask if a OP was still coming, otherwise OP was just not going to turn up without mentioning to anyone.

MistyMorningMelons · 04/08/2023 18:46

Rtc12 · 04/08/2023 18:43

@Hufflepods if my friend was struggling with their mental health and cancelled on the morning of an event and I still had other people to go with, it wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't go in a mood with that friend. It's just my opinion. I've just had plans for tomo cancelled, I'm not going in a mood with that friend.

She didn't cancel. She just didn't bother getting back to her friend who then had to check in with her the day of.

Rather than pretend she was going to "check vegan options", then conveniently forgetting to update her friend, she should've just pulled out.

It's rude.

MySugarBabyLove · 04/08/2023 18:50

Another one using “mental health” as an excuse for treating people like shit.

It’s as if all people have to say these days is “it’s my mental health” and any kind of behaviour should be accepted.

JudgeRudy · 04/08/2023 19:15

But you've kade out it's about the food...tbh if you said you were checking the menu I'd assume you wanted to come. Why didn't you say Sorry, I completely forgot about it. Look, I'm not in a great place atm so think I'll give this a miss....instead you fobbed her off and kept her dangling. Just as you're asking for understanding, you're not affording her the same luxury. Of course she's annoyed.....but it will pass.

Mary46 · 04/08/2023 19:22

Op I get annoyed when people leave me hanging are they going/not.. so maybe next time just let her know.

Createausername1970 · 04/08/2023 19:22

drunkpeacock · 04/08/2023 18:07

Is this a reverse by any chance?
The "OP" in the scenario is so obviously rude and flakey it's not really that mysterious.

What is a reverse? I asked once before on another thread and I someone did respond, but before I could get back to read it, the whole thread was deleted.

unihornandrainhoes · 04/08/2023 19:41

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

drunkpeacock · 04/08/2023 19:42

@Createausername1970
Where somebody tells the incident from the opposite point of view, usually resulting in tons of posters telling them how unreasonable they were being.
Then doing a big reveal that they were, in fact, the other person in the scenario.

So in this case OP might actually be the friend who has gone to all the trouble of organising a meal for six only to be let down last minute by one (or possibly more) of the six.

HateLongCovid · 04/08/2023 19:48

Pinkcars · 04/08/2023 17:55

Oh for crying out loud, she forgot to tell them she wasn't joining them for lunch because she is having a super hard time. It's not the crime of the century!

OP, I think that your friends should be a bit more understanding, tbh.

I agree. A friend who doesn't cur toy any slack , especially when you're having a hard time, is not a good friend. The way she is behaving giving one word answers and ignoring you is super childish. When you are very depressed you are not firing on all cylinders and even simple tasks seem insurmountable. If I was your friend I wouldn't have treated you like that OP Flowers

Makemineacosmo · 04/08/2023 19:55

It's funny that those defending the OPs actions haven't even considered that the friend may be going through her own shit too for all we know.

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 19:57

@HateLongCovid where is the slack OP is cutting her friend? Why is the friend’s behaviour childish but OP’s ignoring things she doesn’t want to deal with isn’t?

HateLongCovid · 04/08/2023 19:57
  • cur toy = cut you
Createausername1970 · 04/08/2023 19:59

drunkpeacock · 04/08/2023 19:42

@Createausername1970
Where somebody tells the incident from the opposite point of view, usually resulting in tons of posters telling them how unreasonable they were being.
Then doing a big reveal that they were, in fact, the other person in the scenario.

So in this case OP might actually be the friend who has gone to all the trouble of organising a meal for six only to be let down last minute by one (or possibly more) of the six.

Thank you. Thats what I thought it probably was, but I wasn't sure.

HateLongCovid · 04/08/2023 20:00

Hufflepods · 04/08/2023 19:57

@HateLongCovid where is the slack OP is cutting her friend? Why is the friend’s behaviour childish but OP’s ignoring things she doesn’t want to deal with isn’t?

Because she's by depressed. She could be suicidal for all you know, but don't worry you just carry on berating her and help her to feel even more crap about herself. There is a difference between just being down and clinical depression!

HateLongCovid · 04/08/2023 20:01

Makemineacosmo · 04/08/2023 19:55

It's funny that those defending the OPs actions haven't even considered that the friend may be going through her own shit too for all we know.

Well if she is she should be more understanding 🤣

Dombasle · 04/08/2023 20:05

Lots of people are stressed and have problems, that's why it's lovely when a friend organises get togethers so people feel wanted and can enjoy getting together and getting support if they have a crap job or awful relationship as well as having a laugh with like minded friends.

She's had to chase you and you've been downright rude.

Don't expect an invite next time.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 04/08/2023 20:05

You may have been feeling down but your friend had to ask you four times
First you said yes, then you said you'd have to check it was vegan - which is lame because why say yes and then pull back to query the food,
and then you just didn't reply.
She left the last text until the day of the event so it wasn't like she was pestering you. Which means she was hoping that you'd reply sometime that week.

Imagine if she'd had to ask each of the 5 people, 4 times each. It's absolutely draining.

You complain that she's being "off" with you as if this is really out of order - but think about how "off" you have been with her. You've treated her like her time and efforts mean nothing, when she was trying to do something nice for the group.

I understand if you are feeling shit, but Your posts don't show that you really feel any remorse about how you've treated her - if she's picked up on that her reaction is not surprising.