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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

mother inlaws

49 replies

pinkum · 27/02/2008 13:30

my mother inlaw bugs the sh*t out of me. when she comes over shes totaly unhelpful so its harder work than when shes not there. i have a 14 month old and another on the way, my pelvis is coming to bits, v painful, but she says shes got the same problem! but shes 17 stone, so im thinking maybe its the weight right. eveyone tell me she means well but i just have to sit there and listen to her whinging and my god cant she talk and cant give my son the attention i want to incase she sulks, while she goes on about how hard its going to be with the new baby! ggrrrrrr.

OP posts:

grouphug · 27/02/2008 14:32

Maybe she is suffering with depression, my mil moans and is very negative and on talking to a colleage about her she said that a bit of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy would be good for her...still trying to wait for the moment to mention it...when she stops moaning lol.

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:15

yeh maybe but listening to her talk about her diets, bad back, cleaning out her cupbords for 13 can get boring. come on, who elses m i bugs the sh~t out of them? it cant just be me. and shes vititing tommorrow!

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:16

sorry thats 13 years by the way.

OP posts:

pukkapatch · 28/02/2008 13:16

a lot ofwoen getcopetitive illness

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:17

why does she visit when her son isn'tthere? I don't allow this ...

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:18

mmm needy isnt it. i hate being ill too. i dont want to compete.

OP posts:

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:20

well iv said this time he has to be there cos i cant do it all on my own. its supposed to be to help me with the baby but she just chats at me while i struggle.

OP posts:

pukkapatch · 28/02/2008 13:22

usually milswhogetitime
sorrynospacebaror 'm'key

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:22

sometimes she actualy stands in from of my boy with her back to him and i cant even see round her to check if hes playing safe or not

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onepieceoflollipop · 28/02/2008 13:25

Lol at Ddf!

Yes, my mil is a "difficult lady" as well. Gets irritated when my 4 yr old wants to tell her something but she is in the middle of an important conversation.

Wouldn't hold the baby at Christmas in case the baby possetted on her posh blouse. Disapproves of b/feeding and dummies and tired babies.

Pinkum massive sympathy. I could stay here all day and tell you some tales and listen to yours as well. x

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:26

I don't allow mil visits unless her son is there too....

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:27

is that really weird/nasty of me...? My own mum would never dream of visiting if i wasn't there..?

VictorianSqualor · 28/02/2008 13:30

I find it weird that you wouldn't allow her to visit tbh, my MiL probably wouldn't, she doesn't ever just turn up and she knows when DP is around, having said that I would allow her to if she did!

WorzselMummage · 28/02/2008 13:31

mines lovely, i wish she'd come round more often !

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:32

i mean if she suggested popping over mid-week i would suggest the weekend instead 'otherwise you won't get to see will you?' she has never found an answerto that..likei say I wouldn't tell my mum to visit if i wasn't there...

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 13:34

i wouldnt mind her coming on her own if she wast such a pain in the arse it also mean that the little time i have with my partner has to be shared. selfish?

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Scampmum · 28/02/2008 13:36

I am so off my ILs today. FIL just rang about his father's 90th, two weeks before my due date (I am signed off work with SPD now and basically immobile), wants us to go to the races at Ascot and says 'don't worry, we'll have two buggies, one for DD and one for you' HO FUCKING HO. Keeps banging on about the hospital down the road. I don't want that hospital, I want MY hospital, and I certainly don't want them turning up uninvited at the hospital like last time and then later making comments about how I 'didn't even look like I'd had the baby' in front of all their mates. (12 hours post traumatic birth, this is, by the way.) Am petrified MIL is going to retire and start coming over all the time.

Sorry, totally selfish rant over.

Scampmum · 28/02/2008 13:38

and really good point, DDF, my parents wouldn't even consider coming over if I weren't here. I am here a lot more of the time, though. Planning to go down south every other Monday to see them (my parents, divorced) whilst on mat leave and expect that will likely kick off with the ILs as well.

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 13:38

MIL's can't just visit when their sons aren't there without being invited y'know

VictorianSqualor · 28/02/2008 13:41

I suppose I don't get it because dp's parents never drop in unannounced, also my ex's mum used to come round all the time, but we got on really well, she was more like my mum than his a lot of the time, and he was a prick so it was nice to have her onside.

cat64 · 28/02/2008 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onepieceoflollipop · 28/02/2008 13:48

*scampmum" some ils will kick off at the slightest excuse - in my case jealousy over MY relationship with MY parents is a big thing. The sad thing is if the ils made an effort to be nice instead of taking offence even some of the time they would see so much more of us. (which is what they claim to want)

Very best wishes for your imminent birth btw

Original poster

pinkum · 28/02/2008 14:12

i wouldnt trust her to look after him on his own. shes crap with dropping him, getting in the way so he hits his head trying to get at his toys, once she let him fall on his face cos she couldnt quit reach to help him without getting out of her chair. another time he was walking holding onto her fingers and she nearly fell on him as shes 17 stone and falls over everying.

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tootiredtothink · 28/02/2008 14:28

What a fantastic site - somewhere to moan about mil!!! Why don't you do what i do when mine used to come when hubby not in? Hide and don't answer the door!!!! Tell kids some silly people are knocking and just carry on playing. She doesn't come anymore!!!

Sparkletastic · 28/02/2008 14:35

Oh pinkum she sounds ZACTLY like my MIL - who is also a bit of an idle heffer! She always wants to come over when DH is at work or speak to me on phone not him - this is because he is generally somewhat sullen with her and FIL due to various ishooos he has with them. Neither IL does anything to lift a finger either at mine or theirs to interact with DDs. DH was visiting (without me as I decided to escape for the day ) last weekend and had a massive bust up with them as FIL watched sport on telly for 2 hrs solid, ignored DDs, then shouted at DD1 when she dared jump on his footstool as she was so bored. MIL was just as bad as wanted to talk non-stop at to DH or ready Daily Fascist and similarly ignored DDs.

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