mother inlaws

[pinkum]

my mother inlaw bugs the sh*t out of me. when she comes over shes totaly unhelpful so its harder work than when shes not there. i have a 14 month old and another on the way, my pelvis is coming to bits, v painful, but she says shes got the same problem! but shes 17 stone, so im thinking maybe its the weight right. eveyone tell me she means well but i just have to sit there and listen to her whinging and my god cant she talk and cant give my son the attention i want to incase she sulks, while she goes on about how hard its going to be with the new baby! ggrrrrrr.

I think, as a general rule, it is a bit mean to not allow MILs to visit their grandchildren in the week just because your DH is at work.

However I do sympathise with the OPs original complaints regarding her MIL.

lol years ago my mil came round to ours dp was at work so gone over road for coffee and didntlock front door, we hid and could see her going every room,nosey old bag. next time we saw her ds said grandma wewatched you go through our house when we hid over road ,i could have died.

I see we are back to bashing MIL! As I have 3DS's I think I had better emigrate to New Zealand as soon as they choose a DP as I am obviously the enemy-despite the fact that I have brought into the world (with my genes)and nurtured and loved the person they have chosen to spend their life with!! Tootiredto think I hope that one day you get what you dish out!! My inlaws are lovely (I have 2 sets having been married twice)-they see me with or without DH and I visit with or without DH. There is room for all-they are a much loved part of the family! It is sad that MurzselsMummage is the only other voice to stand up for MILs on this thread.

Not sad AbbeyA - the MIL love-fest thread is just waiting to be started ELSEWHERE. Hopefully you won't expect to be loved and cherished just by the fact that you are MIL (when the time comes) and will be instead a loveable person that improves the quality of your DILs lives....

I'm with you abbey. Mine is lovely much of the time. Yes she 'bugs me' a little but she's a different generation and has different attitudes. Tolerance is a truly wonderful thing. Mind you, mine doesn't drive so can't pop in unannounced.

My mum is fantabulous by the way - and my DH LOVES her. So.... some MILs are fab, others aren't....

I am a loveable person-Sparkletastic! However I think a little tolerance goes a long way.

Oh I tolerate until my ears bleed - she thinks I am a perfect DIL.

I agree that MIL can be dreadful-but to hide when she calls round is cruel, and a bad example for DCs.

I love mine, although she is a bit odd at times! The fact that she lives on the other side of the country possibly helps! When I phoned her to tell I was pregnant with dd2, she paused then said "Oh dear! Never mind, worse things happen!" Eh?? We were delighted! But her finest hour has to be the wedding towel fiasco. I didn't know her all that well. It was just before our wedding and she said "Oh, such-and-such up the road sent you a lovely bale of towels. " Pause. "I need towels, so I've just kept them, but make sure you send her a thank-you!!!" I couldn't believe I'd heard her right!! She makes me laugh, though!

Well I have 2 sons so yes I have realised that I may be a mil one day, or even 2xmil.

That doesn't change the fact that my husband is never called affectionate names by mil, always criticised or laughed at by her, after years of me trying to be kind etc etc I can now see how plain nasty she is and what a foul time my husband has had with her.

She told my 10 year old son who felt ill and upset that he was being a crybaby and to shut up. She got angry with my 12 year old son on a day out for spilling his hot chocolate as he walked along a station platform to a train.

I will vent re mil until the cows come home.

I will point out that when she was unwell with atrial fibrillation I helped her as much as I was able to and she was a joy. It's when she is in full health that the nasty side comes out. Why???

What makes it worse is that my husband is the only child so I feel as if I would be the one to look after her if anything happened to my husband. Mixed feelings.

abbey have you missed my contribution?

i don't have any real problem with eeing her every weekend if needs be (luckily dp does not want to) but i don't wish to entertain his mther without him and he would feel the same about mine

Well, let me tell you why we took to hiding shall i? On the day my hubby to be took me round Corrie was on and i was told to "shut up" and had to sit til it finished. On our wedding day she refused to talk to me as we had decided to get married after our DD was born and she was "ashamed" (although not too ashamed it seemed to talk to her DS!). She constantly tells me my 2 are spoilt brats and has took the wooden spoon to all her other (6)grandchildren (though not mine as funnily enough they are not brats!). When my mom and dad died she told me i wouldn't be seeing them in heaven as i had sinned by having children outside of marriage!!! Oh the list could go on and on. If she came to see me for a chat or to play with kids then she would be more than welcome but she comes to have a go. I would love for them to have grandparents they could visit and who would love them. Having lost both my parents i know how precious they are. But after 10 years of abuse i just cannot take anymore. So yes, i would advise anyone to hide if they value their sanity! And no, my hubby says its "just her way" so will not say anything.

And of course my children don't know we are 'hiding' from anyone!!

mine refused to come to our wedding ,referred to my child as a bastard,i forgive and 18 months later my ds was in intensive care my dp rang her to tell her i aint got time for this im going to a dinner dance, i dont ever want to b on my own with her, tbh whenever she has been ill i have looked after her,

i have 3 ds s and if i am anything like my mil when the time comes for them to gave partners, i hope someone locks me away! mine is diabolical, lavishes love and attention on sil s 3 but mine do not even know her and she and fil live 20 minutes away . they have never seen me pregnant and have only seen ds3 aged 5 weeks, once at 3 days old and not since.not a single phonecall either or offer of help with my 3. my ds2 who is 3 does not know them at all. she is a bitch and it makes me v sad for dh. scuse the lack of capitals, bfing wiggly baby!

What terrible stories-sorry if I have offended anyone! It is a bit tricky if they are poisonous.Sorry I missed you bozza!
I just get a bit sensive about the general reaction. For example if my SIL tells people she is going away for the weekend with friends the reaction is 'lovely-where are you going?' but if she says she is going away with MIL for the weekend the comments are all along the lines of 'poor you how dreadful'. These people DO NOT know my mother, who actually has an excellent relationship with SIL, and yet they come out with those completely uncalled for comments! (my SIL's friends might be dreadful but no one assumes that, but they feel free to assume that her MIL is dreadful).
My DH often stays overnight,if on business in the area, with my mother and I am at home.
My first DH parents are like parents to me and stay with us.I hate the thought that I might one day be a duty visit merely because I had DS's and not DD's!

wow what have i started. hee hee. although i agree that some mils can be sparkeling pools of light im sorry that mine is a pain in the arse half the time.
i do try my best with her and infact she says im the daughter she never had, so i suppose that just makes me a pregnant old bitch, its just such hard work.
the last time she came she said "we were worried that having a baby and being pregnant would be a struggle but i suppose you just have to dont you?" then didnt help me at all, in fact she laid back on the bed and watched me struggle trying to change DD. im sorry if were mil bashing but you have to vent somewhere safe and im forbidden to talk about it with my DS.

That's it exactly, it's the trying my best which had blinded me to what mine was really like. So the sorrow and hurt and appalled shock that comes after the years of trying to be a kind, tolerant daughter in law is strong. I used to be Christian so I had a big sense of duty and tolerance and turn the other cheek.

I have really shared my inner self with mine. I have let her see me having struggles with the children, the inner workings of my household. I have tried to be honest about how I think and why and now I realise it is better to keep my feelings private.

I make my husband talk to her and discuss matters. I keep our door locked so she can't walk in and shout up the stairs for one of my children. I am close to putting a big note on my kitchen window so she stops peering right in to see if I am around. I hate that so much.

Yes I lock our door now so she cannot just walk in...even if I know she is coming I hate that!!!

I'm sorry, but a mil isn't automatically a friend...isn't a relative....she's just someone you get stuck with!

And a lot of the time she's insanely jealous that you've taken her baby boy away from her.

So though I empathise with mums who will one day be MIL's for their DS's wives, I am within my rights, as the OP is within hers, to dislike my MIL intensely!

She can't be civil with her own daughter, she has slagged her off in front of me and to me on many occasions, so I can imagine what she must say about her DIL!

She is a complete curtain twitcher, absorbed with other peoples lives, and spends her life thinking that other people are 'looking at her funny'. Her negativity can suck the life out of anyone's world and one day a week, I inflict this on my DD because I don't want to deprive her of a grandparental experience (my mum lives too far away and has so many grandchildren she doesn't make so much fuss of dd).

Luckily DD is young enough to ignore the behaviour she doesn't like...and has (so far) not repeated any of it. DD is just getting to the stage where she thinks nanny is 'mad' and has stopped asking if she can stay over.

Sorry for the rant, but my MIL drives me nuts....and I'm usually quite placid.

Pinkum and Squlli, totally agree. My position is exactly the same as yours. I just can't cope (stand) her at all. God I feel SUCh a bitch just writing that!! Spot on about the negativity Squilly "well I didn't have this/that/the other in my day, etc. etc" she makes out Halifax in the 70s when dh was a baby was some godforsaken hole with absolutely no shops/parks any remotely modern amenities and rubs my nose in it. Funny that because my Mum has a completely different accound despite there only being a 3 yr gap between me and dh (although admittedly I was born in London).

Arghh! Drives me mad, just about tolerate it so dd can have contact with her Grandma. I could go on and on, me and dh have collosal arguments because of her forcing herself on us all the time and being so bloody dependant. And so possessive of dd when she's here no one else gets near!!

How cool a place to rant about ILs!!! Yours sound like mine Scampmum! I'm the same - petrified about MIL retiring! Mine are just so deperate to get there hands on my babe all they do when they visit is try to get rid of us and suggest places we could go. Its REALLY irritating. 'Where's your nearest cinema?' 'Do you fancy going to see ...?' 'Dont you miss being able to go out?' Arghhhhh. I would quite like to go out with my DH but they put some much pressure on us to be elsewhere it puts me off - or we just go anywhere to get piece - or I get twisted and think I'm not going to be forced to go out!!

And... when they come my MIL offers to help with house work (which is nice)and I say no, but then they leave a mess and coffee cups all over the house I feel like saying 'No but could you just tidy up after yourselves!!' As they are supposed to be helping not creating more work for me.

And finally... I'm expected to go else where so they can play with DS except when he's dont a poo. They come and tell me he needs his nappy changed!!! What is that about!!!! MIL doesnt do nappies. They only do the good bits.

They do my head in hee hee the worst was went I was pregnant every time I saw them (ie every damn week)they would ask 'Are you going to feed the baby yourself?' Talk about pressure and I dont really want to talk about my breasts with my FIL or MIL for that matter.

Feel better now!