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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to really hate the term, fulltime mum, as if working others are only part time mothers?

59 replies

roboass · 27/02/2008 12:59

why do some people insist on calling themseleves fulltime mums, as if us working mums are only part time mothers or something?

yes bumped into someone i know, we got talking about work, she said she was planning on staying home with baby, so i sadi oh so your going to be a sahm then, to whuch she replied rather snapily, well we don't stay home much do we sweety sweety to the baby but i will be a fulltime mum yes

maybe it was the way she barked at me, or is it offensive to call someone a stay at home mum

OP posts:
wannaBe · 27/02/2008 13:01

can't see what's wrong with the term personally.

no of course people that work aren't part-time mums, but during the time you're at work you're not changing shitty nappies and coping with tantrums etc so I guess that's why those that stay home technically are full-time mums.

LaDiDaDi · 27/02/2008 13:01

I don't like full-time mum either, also because of the implication that others are only part-time.

I prefer SAHM/WAHM/WOTHM as ways to describe how mothers spend their time.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2008 13:02

The term "working mum" which you use implies that those of us who stay at home don't work.

2shoes · 27/02/2008 13:02

at the end of the day we are all just mums.
i am a sahm/carer note how I add the carer

meemar · 27/02/2008 13:03

it just means that you don't have another job other than being a mum.

So the mother part is your full-time job.

countryhousehotel · 27/02/2008 13:04

some people might find it offensive to be labelled as such by others, maybe? It's kind of putting her into a certain box, which you admit to not liking either (part-time mother). Not all sahm's see themselves as such. Some of us view ourselves as having chosen to take a career break for a year or two. So what?

Anyway - i usually steer well clear of the working / not working debates on mumsnet - am sure this will kick off like all the others......

FioFio · 27/02/2008 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wannaBe · 27/02/2008 13:04

and if you say you work full time then surely that emplies you're a mum during the time you're not working.

peanutbear · 27/02/2008 13:05

I am a SAHM and I dont like full time mum either I do do other stuff as well and everyone is a mum all the time

meemar · 27/02/2008 13:05

Agree with soupdragon - the same offence could be taken to the term 'working mum'.

Don't take it personally.

OrmIrian · 27/02/2008 13:08

I don't like it much. But I've taken to choosing to think it's not meant to be offensive (usually). But it begs the question as to whether we all become part-time mothers when our DCs go to school?

MrsTittleMouse · 27/02/2008 13:08

Trouble is that you don't usually get much respect as a SAHM, so she was probably on the defensive and you were the person who ended up getting it in the neck! I was a professional in my previous life. Now I have to give my profession as "housewife" on every form I fill in, and it does get on my nerves. I don't think that looking after a child, or being a carer for an adult for that matter, is anything like being a "housewife".

(I have to say that even though I don't work for money, I'm also a working mum too - I work really hard. So there! ).

TheFallenMadonna · 27/02/2008 13:10

I say "I don't work".

People are then free to take whatever they want from that...

smugmumofboys · 27/02/2008 13:14

tbh I prefer to say I'm taking time out from work. I don't like the term stay at home mum because it doesn't accurately describe what I do. To me, it implies that I mope around the house, making lego houses and staring at the four walls. As it is, I spend an awful lot of time out of the house, and a fair amount of time not with my children.

But that's all semantics though, I suppose, and it doesn't really matter.

onepieceoflollipop · 27/02/2008 13:14

Unless you said it in an offensive, judgmental way (and it doesn't sound as if you did) then ignore her. IMO obviously.

Most of us that are happy with our decisions (or reasonable enought to accept the situations we find ourselves in) are fairly flexible about what "label" others use. As long as it's not said in an offensive, critical way.

meemar · 27/02/2008 13:16

I think it helps to think of the term 'fulltime mum' as one relating to parenting as your job as opposed to your status as a parent. That way it makes much more sense, and doesn't make WOHMs 'part-time mums'.

When DCs go to school your job is still fulltime mum because you are on call for your kids even when they are away from you.

onepieceoflollipop · 27/02/2008 13:17

Mrs TittleMouse I would still be inclined to fill in a form stating what profession I worked in prior to giving birth; on the basis that I hadn't officially "given it all up" and may quite conceivably return to it in the future. (although obviously not advisable on some legal forms I guess)

OrmIrian · 27/02/2008 13:18

Yes, but that is true of most working mums too meemar. If one of my DC's gets sick, I am still on call to sort them out.

Original poster
roboass · 27/02/2008 13:21

well i can see your points, perhaps she felt i was putting a label on her,by calling her a sahm and i suppose if shes always out and about labeling her as stay at home, is probably wrong.
think i feel a bit over defensive as i felt it was a dig when she labeled herself fulltime mum and it made me feel like what am i a parttimer or something.

but she was being a bit off as she also said i prefer to be there for baby and i also took this as your not

shit reading my own posts think i am being unreasonable

OP posts:
Original poster
roboass · 27/02/2008 13:22

thats a good point lollipop its like yes thats my profession im just doing this at the moment

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 27/02/2008 13:23

I really don't think you are being unreasonable roboass. In this case she was being chippy and unfair. However as I said earlier it's best to assume it isn't meant badly.

TheFallenMadonna · 27/02/2008 13:25

Nah, I don't think you're being unreasonable. The whole area is a minefield. You could have taken offence at what she said just as well. If not more frankly. But she has a new baby I suppose...

MrsMattie · 27/02/2008 13:29

All the terms are horrible.

'Working mother' - men don't say 'I'm a working father', do they?

WOHM - 'working out of the home'...WTF? (Also, I think of The Wombles and the word 'womb' when I see WOHM typed out. But that's just me!)

SAHM - the least bad I suppose, i use it a bit, but I still bloody hate it. Makes it sound like I sit indoors all day 'being a mum' and 'doing what mums do' (whatever that is).

'Housewife' - oh please. I am not chained to the sink all day.

They're all ghastly. I never know what to say. I never know why I am expected to define myself like this, anyway. It's all bollox.

Original poster
roboass · 27/02/2008 13:35

yes housewife really sucks

OP posts:
WaynettaSlob · 27/02/2008 13:39

Agree with you OP - I am a mother 24/7, regardless of where I happen to be at any particular moment in time.

I mean it's not like you'd say you're only a part-time wife if you don't spend every waking moment of the day with your DH, is it???

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