To ask why it’s so hard to find a children’s book without a dead parent or pity for only children?!

[SashaPearce]

Trying to choose a book as a birthday present for a friend’s daughter. She’s turning 9 and is an only child. Thought it would be easy as I loved reading and still own lots of my favourites but finding it really hard! Several I feel like I’m having to rule out because they include a brief conversation where characters with multiple siblings are pitying an only child, ‘isn’t it sad, they must be so lonely’. Find this infuriating! I guess it’s an index of how unusual one child families were in the past - and maybe a sign that I need to be looking at more contemporary books rather than classics - but seriously, why? Did it really not occur to the authors at the time that it wasn’t nice to introduce to only children who might well be perfectly happy the idea that they ought to feel sorry for themselves?

The other thing I’m really struggling with is the number of parental deaths. Can’t believe how many children’s books seem to begin with this in some form or another! I wonder if I’m worrying too much, because I read these books myself as a child, and strangely even though I was quite an anxious kid it somehow never occurred to me to make the connection between the character’s parents dying and the idea that mine might. But one of my favourites starts with a parent dying in a plane crash. We flew a lot when I was a kid (due to DF’s family living overseas) and I never worried about this, but friend’s daughter also gets taken on a lot of international trips and I really don’t want to be the one to introduce the idea that this is something she needs to worry about! Am I being over-scrupulous?

YABU: kid will be caught up in the story and won’t even notice or care about the bits about only children being pitiable and parents being killed in plane crashes

YANBU: pick something else

I second the Tiffany Aching books by Pratchett. A PP mentioned them. DD loved those.

Also if classics are on the table I am astonished Ballet Shoes hasn't been mentioned. OK technically the girls could all be only children with dead parents but they are brought up as sisters in a loving household.

Pippi Longstocking. The version illustrated by Lauren Childs is beautiful

Margaret in Judy Blume’s Are You There God It’s Me Margaret is an only child with 2 perfectly alive loving parents.
Dead/absent parents is very much a children’s literature standard because it gives a reason for the characters to have adult free experiences that don’t really exist in real life.
I can’t actually think of any books off the top of my head that have the whole “what a shame they’re an only child” thing though.

Helena Duggan's 'A place called Perfect' (the whole trilogy) was my daughter's favourite at that age and she has re read them a number of times now

Enid Blyton is very bigoted towards only children. I read a lot of Enid Blyton as a child - there are a lot of "tricky" characteristics that are put down to being only children in there

Eg Mallory towers Gwendolyn, spoiled and prissy because no siblings
Detective mysteries Frederick (aka Fatty ) always has too much money as is an only
Even George from famous five has temper tantrums

The other thing I’m really struggling with is the number of parental deaths. Can’t believe how many children’s books seem to begin with this in some form or another! I wonder if I’m worrying too much, because I read these books myself as a child, and strangely even though I was quite an anxious kid it somehow never occurred to me to make the connection between the character’s parents dying and the idea that mine might.

You are over-thinking this, definitely. Death or absence of parents is a very, very common plot device/trope in children's literature - it's because for child characters to have adventures or overcome challenges or behave more independently than they would in real life, it's helpful story-wise if the responsible adults are out of the way (I've massively over-simplified with that explanation, as there are 5,000 word academic essays on this very subject that go into a lot more detail, but you get the picture).

I was just thinking I can't believe I forgot Ballet Shoes so I second that. A house full of loving supportive grownups.

I used to love Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh when I was little. She's an only child and her parents are both alive. Also Judy Blume's Tales of a Fourth-Grade Nothing and Superfudge are good - Peter has siblings but they are really annoying!

I think you might be overthinking it tbh.

My dd (only child) was a voracious reader and read a lot of the old classic children's books. She was always perfectly happy as an only child so I don't think she was ever bothered by the negativity.

She did have a particular love for Heidi, though, which is a classic children's book which happens to feature 3 only children! Just a thought?

Or there is Pippi Longstocking, who seems to live quite happily without parents or siblings?!

My 9yo only loves the Ottoline books by Chris Riddell. Only child, absent but loving parents.

As others have pointed out, parents need to be absent usually so that the story can take flight. Tricky to have adventures when your mum is there to make you go to bed at 8pm! Doesn't really bother my dd these days although we have talked to her about it from a plot pov, as the parents' ship going down in Frozen upset a little when she was younger.

The Worst Witch books are good. No dead parents or pitiful only children.

But even better - the Ramona Books by Beverley Cleary. They are the tales of Ramona - younger daughter - growing up with her parents, big sister, pet cat, friends, school - told through her eyes (the books start when she's 4 and go to when she's 10). They are very funny and very relatable. I loved them when I was 8/9/10, and so did DD.

They're American and written between about 1960 and 2000, but are almost completely timeless /placeless apart from "western world in the 20th century". I have no idea why they have never been more well known in the UK.

Try Katherine Randell books. Usually a female protagonist and full of adventure.

My 9yo loves the dragon mountain series. It's about a boy who lives in california but who gets sent to stay with family in China for the summer (thereby managing to avoid having parents in the story, but without killing them off altogether!) Some very strong female characters as well.

Tbh I think there are more only children in books than not. And the characters with siblings usually seem to find their siblings something of a trial rather than a bonus!

At this age my daughter LOVED the Podkin One-Ear books. Absolutely fantastic fantasy adventure stories about rabbits (think Lord of the Rings meets Watership down).

Thoroughly recommended!!!

There's also percy Jackson. His dad's not dead, but he is fairly absent, in as much as he's an ancient Greek god 🤷‍♀️

Yes, for God's sake don't let her see Bambi!

I said to DH yesterday that all the TV programmes in the early 00s seemed to feature children in the care system, like Tracy beaker and my parents are aliens. I grew up thinking living in a children’s home was very common

You sound lovely but also utterly bonkers! I’m an only child who read a lot growing and it’s honestly it’s never once entered my head. Clearly Anne of Green Gables doesn’t apply to me as it’s not the 19th century and I’m not Canadian. Nor Harry Potter as wizards aren’t real. I wouldn’t relate in some special way because we’re all only children and find the suggestion really quite strange if I’m being honest. Nicely, you’re really overthinking it. I’m sure she’ll love whatever you choose! Don’t discount classic literature because of orphans. It’s really just a literary device to enable lack of parental supervision so all sorts of capers can happen!

I loved a book called The Little Gymnast when I was that age. Only child wants to be a gymnast, parents together but not very well off. I read it over and over

My DD and her friends have all liked the Murder Most Unladylike series from that age.

Dead parents or absent in some way (lost, uninterested in the kids, boarding school) means kids can have more adventures I think. Gives the child characters a chance to be in danger and solve problems in a way that you wouldn't need to if the parents were very involved and around.

Tom's Midnight Garden? He does have parents and a sibling, but he's sent away because his sibling has measles.

Diary of an Accidental Witch. She's an only child and lives with her father, I don't think the mother's absence is explained but it's not dwelt on. Nor is her only child status. The boy she's friends with is an only child, I think, but again it's not mentioned, just there's no mention of siblings.

Racism in famous five - no. Only anti Americanism in two of them. Attitudes are those of the time written and would need an explanation. Secret seven, the adventure series.
Anything by e h nesbitt.