Settle a debate with DH and I?

[Libertyadd]

DH does a hobby once a week. He isn’t close with the people in it but there’s a natural camaraderie and the hope that he would make closer friends over time. he’s relatively new to the group.

Recently, the hobby all met at a mini social round one of their houses. The person’s who house it was, let’s say Adam, DH felt he bonded with most.

Cue today, DH has received a message from Adam to say that he and his wife have a spare ticket to a food event locally and would he and his wife like to come with them?

the event is held by a large corporation (as in the food company and the shop - it is not a local independent thing), it’s not exclusive or in limited supply, and whilst it’s something DH and I would enjoy, it’s not something we’d think to go to.

I said to DH it sounds great, we don’t have any couple friends locally as all our friends live in London (we are Home Counties) or further afield. So it would be nice for him and I’m always up for socialising.

DH agrees it sounds good with Adam. Adam then says that he will grab me a ticket and they’re £20 each btw so DH will need to pay Adam for the spare ticket as well as the cost to buy me one. Adam explicitly invited me (“your wife”) because he’s going with his wife and it would be weird as a threesome, I assume.

Now this is the disagreement with DH and I. Adam has a spare ticket which they’ve bought because they were going with someone else (I assume) and they’ve pulled out. The way DH was invited, I think it’s wrong to expect DH to pay for the ticket - it is a sunk cost to them. I believe it is entirely appropriate that I would have to pay for my ticket though since they would need to buy this in addition. DH says he doesn’t agree and you’d always expect to have to compensate someone for the ticket.

FWIW, the event would have been announced a while ago, theyre not sold out, it isn’t exclusive. The event is tomorrow so our invite is last minute / definitely because they’ve had a drop out.

YABU - it is entirely normal and acceptable that they expect DH to pay them for the spare ticket they had
YANBU - they made it sound like it was free since they had it “spare”.

Personally I think if someone says "I have a spare ticket for xxx" it's cheeky as fuck to assume that it's being offered for free.

@Frabbits agreed and the comment about them being rich rich is just odd because obviously as they're rich rich they should cover all costs going out with people they barely know...

Yes pay for the tickets.

I’m not saying this to be mean bu you won’t have many friends if you are acting so petty. Why are you even thinking like this if money is no problem? They are trying to make friends with you?

I wouldn't assume it's free but I actually enjoy paying my way.

Agreed.

I would totally expect to pay for the tickets in that situation, regardless of whether someone else had pulled out.

Poor communication from Adam. He should have said “we have a spare ticket, £20 each which includes xyz”.

As he didn’t make it clear you DH could have said “sounds good, I’ll just check if we’re free, how much do you want for the ticket?”. That way he knows if it’s a freebie, but can still bail if he doesn’t want to pay the price.

If it’s something you’ll enjoy and you’re not too hard up, go and enjoy yourselves and see if they’re people you’d like to make a friendship with.

I would absolutely expect to pay; you sound like a cf by expecting to have one free ticket.

For £20 a ticket, it’s not worth the headspace, I would just pay for it, I would have assumed and offered to pay anyway.

I don’t understand why your comparative financial situations is relevant. And it doesn’t feel light hearted.

I always find on a variety of forums when people are being grabby and tight they are always the one to claim they are actually very generous and they themselves would pay.

of course you pay. This isn’t a gift. It is not a close friend. And the fact they’ve more money than you doesn’t mean you’re entitled to them covering it for you.