To ask mother's of autistic toddlers to tell me I'm not a monster

[MonsterMum7]

He won't go to bed. He won't stop stimming. He is exhausted. I'm exhausted. I'm trying to get him to go to bed and then he kicks me. He laughs at me. He pulls my hair. He wants to lie on top of me and screeches in my ears. I just want to go to bed and for him to go to sleep too and get a good night. He needs it desperately. I need it desperately. I just don't like him at the moment and I feel awful for feeling like that. I'm annoyed at him but it isn't his fault and then I feel guilty. He's a baby boy with a condition he has no control over. I should be able to control how I feel but I'm so tired of these battles every night.

It's certainly challenging. There's a reason sleep deprivation is a common torture method!

Mine are in their 20s now and still have sleep problems.

Try swaddling him. One of mine loved to be wrapped up tight in a blanket at that age. He found it very calming.

The other reacted as though you were murdering him in the most gruesome way possible but you won't know till you try!

You're not a monster. Even if you feel like one and sometimes behave like one. Sleep deprivation is brutal. It's used as effective torture.

Can you get him to a sleep clinic?

you're not a monster, you're very tired, don't listen to the negative thoughts x

I never found a way to handle this sleep problem actually , I just had to ride it out every night,
I let her run around the room hoping it would tire her out,
then my neighbour complained about the banging noises..

so when she woke up I would take her to the toilet,
get her a snack like a banana and a cup of water or milk,
and I would climb into bed with her and just keep putting her back in bed until she fell back asleep, which could take hours,

there were times when I was exhausted and upset, I just had to leave the room and close the door, so I can take a break, those nights were very hard
DDs sleep has improved slightly now, since getting older, she has less night waking's

I was never willing to put my dd on melatonin because it seems like its always the answer for everything, not saying it doesn't work but I didn't want to.
she never had a problem with falling asleep, she had a problem with staying asleep,
she would go to sleep at bedtime and then wake up at 1 2 3 4 am running around, giggling , screeching and if I was sleeping she would run around the house turning on taps emptying soaps and toothpaste, opening the fridge and leaving it wide open
I would wake up almost having a heart attack every time , it was like a horror movie

I pushed her bed time back, instead of being bed at 7-8pm ,
I would be putting her in bed 9pm expecting her to sleep at 10-11pm and sometimes it would work, she would still wake up early but closer to reasonable times

I don't know if its an autistic thing but I swear my DD had biphasic sleep
She had to have her short 3-4 hour sleep, before she could fall into a longer sleep, which I called her "real sleep"
in her short sleep, she used to move around , toss and turn
the " real sleep" was a much deeper sleep
she had a waking period in between these two sleeps but because of school and routines, it made things difficult for her to get quality sleep

my tips would be to

1. have a routine that involves a warm bath, lower the body temperature

2.giving warm milk or water and a little snack,
some people say not to give snacks before bed but autistic children have difficulty interpreting their hunger and thirst signals, it might be a good idea to fill their belly before bed , because hunger can make them stay awake

3.give them a calm environment before bed, make the room dark
make sure temperature of room is good not to hot or cold,
get rid of any annoying noises like beeping, or buzzing lights
autistic children can hear everything

4.try swaddling like for babies, you can swaddle in like 5 minute intervals,
we had a game called hot dog,
if my dd was stimming a lot and couldn't keep still
I would say hot dog game , swaddle her like a burrito and then I would pretend to pour ketchup and mustard on her and it calmed her down
and I would do that a few times
but only do this if they like it , some autistic children might HATE the feeling of their arms not being able to move

5.when you said your toddler is climbing on you and squeezing you face,
that is the sensory seeking,
I will admit is annoying sometimes especially if your tired, to have little hands squeezing your face
but I try to indulge it , because it makes them feel at ease
I do things like hugs, playing round and round the garden with the palm of her hand and just letting her stroke my face if she wants, sometimes dd would asleep with her hand covering my face 😐

You're not a monster; you're sleep deprived, desperate, worried, mentally and physically exhausted. Being a mother to an autistic child is the hardest thing I've ever had to experience, and the relentlessness of it - with no end in sight - makes the situation all the more desperate. I've thought horrible things about my autistic child and resented him so much at times, and I defy anyone to call me a monster without walking in my shoes.

My son has just started melatonin, prescribed by a paediatrician, and my goodness the difference it's made to our lives. He goes to sleep happy with no meltdowns or hyperactive episodes, he wakes up happy and rested. During the day he's more patient and we're much better at avoiding meltdowns. It's been a game changer and now I see so much more of the sweet little boy he was before unmanaged autism tipped the scales.

Please be kind to yourself - easier said than done I know - but forgive yourself for being human and having your own needs and wants.