To send my child to nursery during mat leave?

[Wflwer]

I have just been for dinner with my family while visiting home and mentioned that while on maternity leave I plan to send new baby to nursery one day a week (at about 12-16 weeks).
I was met with criticism about laziness and bonding etc however I’m on my own.
I live 200 miles away from any family I don’t have loads of friends and I’m not with the child’s father who doesn’t want to be involved but will be paying CM which I will use to pay for the day at nursery and also I live in a 1 bedroom flat which is quite literally 3 rooms of bedroom/living room/bathroom.
I have anxiety about completely losing myself in all of this with the lack of support around me and I just feel like a day to myself to clean the flat or just to go out and do something on my own would be nice.

aibu?

No YANBU. Fill your own cup first so you can pour into your baby’s. Childcare exists for this reason. Have you considered 2 half days to spread the break out a bit and so baby isn’t away too long? A full day of daycare also has its merits too though. Congratulations on your new baby!

Sounds like a great idea if a nursery would take the baby at that age. None of my nurseries took babies younger than 5/6 months.

Don’t tell your family anymore if they are going to judge you. That is the last thing you need from them.

It's not something I would do, but if it gets you through the tough early days then go for it. However you may struggle to find a nursery that will.offer you this slot - most ask for at least 2 days per week (even if they aren't full days) to help the little ones settle.

Personally I'd use a childminder (I am one as well as a childcare assessor) if you find someone you relate to it's good support for a single mum you get to chat and discuss any problems your having with baby and most will help in an emergency out of their normal hours.

Don’t feel guilty having a break , you will need it. If you look after yourself you will be able to look after the baby , so positive for you both.

You're going to come across a lot of opinions throughout your time as a mum. Get used to just ignoring the pointless ones. Your baby, your choice. (Try not to pay up-front though, in case you change your mind.)

Our nursery takes babies that young. If you explain to the nursery why you need the support I'm sure you will find the staff helpful for signposting you to other support too. We are always willing to help parents who ask us for it.

I wouldn't judge you wanting a break at all but I'm not sure nursery is the best solution. It's very hard to find one that takes babies that young (partly because it's not very profitable) and, even if they do, one day a week isn't ideal in terms of settling in. My DS' nursery refuse anything less than 3 days a week. I guess I'm just saying that nursery is probably not what you're looking for really. Is a mother's help or a nanny an option?

I'm due to go back after maternity on Monday. Gutted this never occurred to me! Not unreasonable at all. Do what works for you and baby, besides when babyvis here you might not actually feel you need/want to do this. Easy for people to offer advice when not in your shoes

With one that small of second PP recommendation to go for 2 half days if possible.

You don't have any other support. Some time to have a cup of tea/clean in peace is necessary for your mental health. If this is the way you can have that, go for it.

With zero help I’d go for it if you’ve found a nursery who will take baby 1 day per week.

If that's what it takes to keen you sane, then that's what matters. Doesn't matter who else wouldn't.
But I would say don't make any hard and fast plans. You might not be ready to leave baby for very long at that age if you can find somewhere suitable

Totally fine! I'd probably do two half days staggered through the week so the baby benefits from frequent trips for getting used to it.

Good for you. Everyone bangs on about a village. Your creating yours. The baby will get use to other people, spend time in other environments and with other children. And have professionals supporting their development

I can't imagine doing this short of dire circumstances and if I had any other choice. That's still an incredibly young baby. It is not in their interests.

I couldn’t have done that but then I’ve worked in nurseries and I wouldn’t be able to leave my child there before I was sure that they could tell me if anything bad happened to them as I’ve seen some stuff that you really wouldn’t expect from a nursery 😩

Unless they are willing to step up and HELP YOU OUT, then they have zero right to stick their beaks in and criticise you. You are going to be a single mum - you get the help where you can. If that's not from baby's dad, or your family, then that's fine, you seek it elsewhere, I.E from a nursery. It's hardly a torture camp - they are designed for babies and young children!

Yeah do it if you have the funds available but they do sleep a lot at that age so not too bad. I found it much easier than a 3/4 year old.

Like others I'd suggest a child minder rather than a nursery for a baby that young.

If you were sending the baby to dad/grandparents etc one day a week no-one would bat an eyelid. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

You'll find that once you become a parent that you'll suddenly be on the receiving end of lots of unsolicited advice and judgement so now's a good time to start practicing "smile, nod, ignore"

You may feel differently when the time comes and for that reason I'd try to make sure that whatever arrangements you make in advance are flexible enough that you aren't landed with a big bill if you decide to change your plans.

If you were a lone dad parent to a newborn, people would be tripping over themselves to take the baby / do the laundry / suggesting a nanny.

I think a large part of it is that my cousin has just had a baby and her partner works abroad 6 weeks on 4 weeks off but she lives 20 minutes from her mum as well as other family members!

i have spoken to the nursery down the road already and love that it’s within walking distance good ofsted rating 5 for hygiene and the staff were lovely etc happy to take 1 day a week and to play by ear for start date!

definitely taking the smile nod and ignore advice!!

YANBU, when I had my DS I had to go back to work when he was 16 weeks old, nurseries are set up for this. It will get the baby used to the nursery and will give you 'me space'.

Also this is the first opportunity you have to tell people that you've got this, they don't get to criticise.
Now I'd tell them to fuck off, but 19 years ago I was more placatory😂

You are absolutely not BU. Babies are hard work and absolutely relentless. Any nursery I looked at took them from younger than when you've proposed, however you'll probably find the baby rooms they'll average around 8/9 months at the younger end.
As others have suggested a childminder might offer the baby something more suited to their needs at the age you have suggested. However, a good nursery should also meet their needs.

We should think ourselves lucky given the mat leave we generally get in the UK. In the US many mum's are back in as little as 6 weeks.

All the best for motherhood, you won't "enjoy every minute" as some might have you believe/or will suggest, but you will likely love that wee soul more than anything you can imagine. You can manage that and a bit of self care too, as a worn out Mum is not what baby needs either!