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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this sexual assault?

36 replies

Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:19

If a man drives a young girl to the middle of no where and says I’m going to leave you here unless you have sex with me, the girl is crying the whole time during him having sex with her?

this was me at 15, I could have ran away, he didn’t force me to stay in the car. However he knew I didn’t want to have intercourse and I cried the whole time. I was under the influence of alcohol and some drugs (I am ashamed to say this, I had a troubled home life, I’m not like this now). I was scared he was going to kill me if I didn’t do what he said, or to be left in the middle of no where with no phone or money so I just laid there.

Is this sexual assault or me just being stupid. It upsets me because I still feel sad and scared about it.

OP posts:
Calvinlookingforhobbes · 30/07/2023 21:20

I’m so sorry that you were abused and raped. Do you have any support in RL?

Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:22

But was it rape? I didn’t run away or fight him. I feel guilty for claiming I was raped, I always feel confused

OP posts:
Bodybop · 30/07/2023 21:22

Yes, that was abuse and rape.

MotherEarthisaTerf · 30/07/2023 21:23

That is rape.

I'm so sorry

SlowlyLosing · 30/07/2023 21:24

Yes 100%

You were coersed and did not consent.

I'm so sorry, do you have support?

towriteyoumustlive · 30/07/2023 21:24

Of course it was rape. You did not consent.

Not running away is not consenting!

I would speak to the police and report it.

doingthehokeykokey · 30/07/2023 21:25

OP you were forced into this, it was rape. Seek help.

MotherEarthisaTerf · 30/07/2023 21:27

"Sexual consent is where a person has the ability and freedom to agree to sexual activity."

http://www.consentiseverything.com/

You did not have consent because you did not have the freedom to agree. You were vulnerable by age and drink/drugs and threatened.

Consent is everything

Sex without consent is rape - it's as simple as tea!

http://www.consentiseverything.com

Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:27

I’m now an adult, I’ve never had any support. I’ve almost felt like my family didn’t believe me, so I have always felt like I was being sensitive and maybe it wasn’t rape. It doesn’t effect me daily but I don’t trust men, I have very bad anxiety. I just wanted to know if I had made it a bigger deal in my head than it was

OP posts:
Neverseenbefore · 30/07/2023 21:27

Yes, it was rape. You were coerced, under age, under the influence of drink/drugs. You could not willingly consent.

clpsmum · 30/07/2023 21:28

Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:22

But was it rape? I didn’t run away or fight him. I feel guilty for claiming I was raped, I always feel confused

Yes it absolutely is rape

SlowlyLosing · 30/07/2023 21:28

I will just expand on my answer in case it helps you.

In hindsight I have been raped 5 times and sexually assaulted more times than I can remember. I've only just realised this, I was always horrendously drunk at the time and blamed myself for getting that way. Now I understand I was incapable of consenting (and was often near unconscious and even said no).

It is them who should be ashamed of themselves and I hope in these days of historical sex offenses they feel very uneasy.

ThatshallotBaby · 30/07/2023 21:30

I’m so so sorry this happened to you, it absolutely was not your fault, even if you were drunk. You are not making a big deal out of it, you must have been terrified. I hope you are ok now, and maybe feel that you can talk to someone about this and try to process what happened to you. Flowers

Cinnamope · 30/07/2023 21:31

This was absolutely rape and I’m so sorry this happened to you.

Sunshinemomma3 · 30/07/2023 21:32

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. By definition this was statutory rape.

Allinadayswork80 · 30/07/2023 21:32

I’m so sorry OP, what an awful experience and YES it was 100% rape and you should report it. Please seek professional help, it doesn’t matter your age now, you suffered an awful experience that was NOT your fault and you need help processing and moving past this - clearly it’s still affecting you now. I’m so sorry this happened to you and for the circumstances that must have led to it x

Pottyberry · 30/07/2023 21:34

Sorry to read this horrible story, yes he abused and raped you, when you were a child. You were vulnerable in a number of ways.

TW here, but frame it this way, would you drive a young boy who had been drinking to the middle of nowhere, and have sex with him while he cried? I would guess you would never dream of acting like this, because it's appalling, and criminal.

If I were you I would seek support now. I wish you recovery and peace x

Coffeaddict · 30/07/2023 21:36

I'm pretty sure I was drugged my first time but what i remember is saying I don't want to but not fighting. I always thought you would fight off a rapist.

It took an amazing councillor ( after years of depression, anxiety and self medicating with alcohol) to see I was raped

Talk to your local rape crisis centre, they do amazing work and will be such a support to you

whyisntanelephantblue · 30/07/2023 21:38

So if a woman doesn’t fight back or scream out it’s not rape. Wtaf? Of course it’s rape, maybe you should stop giving rape victims who don’t do anything a bad name

we didn’t want it as much as the next one
sincerely, a rape survivor

Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:40

Can I just thank you all, I’ve always felt like I was crazy and I was making it into a big deal in my head. I think his my family reacted, basically like it was nothing, made me feel like it was nothing, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:41

*how my family reacted

OP posts:
BounceyB · 30/07/2023 21:41

Yes, it was rape.

It's easy to blame yourself but I think being drunk is a very small part of it. I was assaulted at the age of 8. When I got to my teens I started drinking to get away from the fact I blamed myself. It didn't help because bring drunk left me more vulnerable. I was really promiscuous as a result. I had sex with men I didn't want to more times than I can remember. The next morning I always felt worse and blamed myself all over again.

It was only with counselling that I realised where the problem lay and the moment was like a light switch that was permanently on being switched off.

Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:43

I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to trigger anyone. I know what you’re saying, I think because I potentially walked out of the car and sat in the middle of no where instead of it happening, I feel guilty. I didn’t want to take the risk of him turning violent

OP posts:
Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:44

I was suppose to say I COULD have potentially walked out of the car

OP posts:
ThatshallotBaby · 30/07/2023 21:48

It’s not your guilt. It’s all his. It’s not your fault in any way. The shame? That’s not yours either, give it all to him, and try and focus on taking care of yourself and speaking to yourself kindly.
You did nothing wrong.

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