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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this sexual assault?

36 replies

Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:19

If a man drives a young girl to the middle of no where and says I’m going to leave you here unless you have sex with me, the girl is crying the whole time during him having sex with her?

this was me at 15, I could have ran away, he didn’t force me to stay in the car. However he knew I didn’t want to have intercourse and I cried the whole time. I was under the influence of alcohol and some drugs (I am ashamed to say this, I had a troubled home life, I’m not like this now). I was scared he was going to kill me if I didn’t do what he said, or to be left in the middle of no where with no phone or money so I just laid there.

Is this sexual assault or me just being stupid. It upsets me because I still feel sad and scared about it.

OP posts:
tommika · 30/07/2023 21:58

Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:19

If a man drives a young girl to the middle of no where and says I’m going to leave you here unless you have sex with me, the girl is crying the whole time during him having sex with her?

this was me at 15, I could have ran away, he didn’t force me to stay in the car. However he knew I didn’t want to have intercourse and I cried the whole time. I was under the influence of alcohol and some drugs (I am ashamed to say this, I had a troubled home life, I’m not like this now). I was scared he was going to kill me if I didn’t do what he said, or to be left in the middle of no where with no phone or money so I just laid there.

Is this sexual assault or me just being stupid. It upsets me because I still feel sad and scared about it.

15 = too young to consent, therefore statutory rape

Under the influence = incapable of consenting

15, troubled home life, under the influence = vunerable person being exploited
Potentially groomed depending on the wider circumstances

Driven out with the choice of walking or sex = coercion and also the fear of whether or not you would really have been allowed to walk

You were a vunerable child, exploited and raped

The fact that you did not run or fight is nothing. Pure victim blaming
You were raped under duress

nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2023 22:02

You were young. You were vulnerable. You were coerced. And coerced consent is no consent at all. I am so sorry, but yes, you were raped.

Stompythedinosaur · 30/07/2023 22:05

Of course it's rape. He coerced you, by placing you in a situation something worse would happen if you did not submit to being raped.

Sex that isn't rape requires enthusiastic consent.

Lweji · 30/07/2023 22:05

Yes, and yes.
I didn’t need to read your post, just the title. If you have to ask, it means it wasn’t consensual.

Spinewars23 · 30/07/2023 22:08

Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 21:44

I was suppose to say I COULD have potentially walked out of the car

No it’s a whole different fight and flight.

Ruffpuff · 30/07/2023 22:09

I work with the law.

I can tell you, without any doubt, that is rape. Sexual assault by law has a less severe sentence than rape. I’m very sorry to hear what you went through. You were raped.

Please don’t blame yourself in any kind of way. You were a scared young girl who was abused by a very cruel man. You may not have screamed or kicked, because you knew you may not survive if you did. That doesn’t mean you consented. If you stay silent because otherwise you think you’ll be left or killed, that is not consent. That is the opposite of consent.

Have you considered any kind of counselling? You may well be struggling with some form of PTSD after such a traumatic event.

Rummykitten · 30/07/2023 22:22

I’m so sorry to read this, OP.

The exact same thing happened to me when I was 23. I hadn’t slept with anybody before and he drove me to the middle of nowhere at night. I didn’t say no either but I was terrified. I did NOT consent and he would have known that. I had no idea where I was and I was terrified.

I finally had treatment ten years later (EMDR) and it was a huge help in coming to terms with what happened to me.

I hope that you are able to get support, too 💐

CornishTiger · 30/07/2023 22:26

Can I just say that you don’t have to report it. That’s something victims often explore as part of their counselling journey. Even the word victim can be an issue in accepting you were one.

There is support out there and I’m sorry your family were not supportive.

Do you still know the perpetrator?

Lucinda7 · 30/07/2023 22:26

A man local to me did the same thing OP. He went to prison convicted of rape. I'm in the UK.

LeftyLou · 30/07/2023 22:32

100% rape!

Original poster
Sophie2525 · 30/07/2023 22:37

I cannot report him as I don’t know anything about him, it was many years ago. He was a taxi driver, that’s all I know.

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