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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My clothes

45 replies

Sarahmay420 · 30/07/2023 14:20

My husband (28) and I (21) went out today and while we were out he started acting strange and not really talking to me. I asked him what was wrong a few times and he said nothing, then eventually told me he’s angry about the way I’m dressed. I was wearing baggy jeans and a full length t-shirt, he didn’t like that my t shirt was tight and not baggy and feels like I’m showing off my body and drawing attention to it. Before we met I used to wear skinny jeans and crop tops but he didn’t like that so I stopped wearing them and started wearing baggy jeans and full length tops and jumpers, however he wants me to wear tops and jumpers that cover my bum also - I only own one top like this. He saw me get ready this morning as we live together and he didn’t say anything to me while we were at home or on the way there. I also wear this outfit all the time to work and he never says anything about it so I was confused and felt like he was trying to argue for no reason. When we got home he was very angry and shouting at me for having a face like I was the victim and giving him attitude and not saying sorry. He’s not speaking to me now until I say sorry but I don’t see why I should apologise, I didn’t do it to upset him I just don’t have any other clothes and can’t afford to buy a new wardrobe right now which he knows. If he would’ve had a conversation with me instead of just shouting at me I would’ve said sorry but he isn’t interested in hearing what I have to say otherwise and thinks he’s right regardless.
This situation might sound bad but 99% of the time our relationship is great and we don’t argue.
AIBU to apologise to get rid of the tension in the house?

OP posts:
Jazzybean · 30/07/2023 14:21

Run for the hills. Surely you know that this isn’t ok?!

Comedycook · 30/07/2023 14:23

You're only 21. How long have you been together?

He's abusive and controlling by the way. Leave him and enjoy your life. You're so young.

Lwg87 · 30/07/2023 14:24

giant red flag! Where does this end? Will he not be happy until you are wearing a bedsheet with no shape and no skin showing?

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/07/2023 14:24

Oh come on op, is this even real? You know this isn’t ok. He’s controlling and this will only get worse. You won’t listen, but you should be packing and leaving right now..!

GarlicGrace · 30/07/2023 14:25

99% of the time our relationship is great and we don’t argue.

Is this because you're always trying to anticipate his needs & doing what he wants, by any chance?

Spirallingdownwards · 30/07/2023 14:26

Hell no to apologising. He should be the one apologising. You have already let him control you by changing the way you dress already. Get out while you can. I can see you back here with far worse tales if you married him or had a child with him!

MerinoCashmere · 30/07/2023 14:26

He has no right to speak or act like this. This is a black and white one. Don’t doubt yourself. Either he grovels and apologies for taking his insecurities out on you, or leave.

Don’t be someone posting on here in five years time, having been worn down to a shell by an abusive partner.

Olderandolder · 30/07/2023 14:26

It’s tough but you need to call him out on it. You can see it is getting worse.

If you don’t call him out or will continue to get worse.

Could he be projecting at all? Is he looking at other women?

Does he have a low sex drive and worry he isn’t enough for you (even if you don’t care)?

Has he failed at work in any way? Even if only based on unreasonably high expectations?

Has anything hit his self esteem?
Or could he be being tempted by someone and projecting it onto you?

Spirallingdownwards · 30/07/2023 14:26

Sorry just realised you ARE married. Either put a stop to this nonsense immediately or leave him before it goes further.

Greenfree · 30/07/2023 14:27

This is a huge red flag! He should not be telling you how to dress. He sounds super controlling and will only get worse. I'd tell him you'll wear what you want as your an adult. Please leave him and make sure you read up on domestic abuse.

Olderandolder · 30/07/2023 14:27

GarlicGrace · 30/07/2023 14:25

99% of the time our relationship is great and we don’t argue.

Is this because you're always trying to anticipate his needs & doing what he wants, by any chance?

OMG that comment hits home!

Dotcheck · 30/07/2023 14:28

Is your relationship good because you do what he wants?

OP, this is very troubling behaviour he is exhibiting.

Nanny0gg · 30/07/2023 14:30

You're married to this controlling excuse for a man?

Get out while you still can (before children)

And wear what the hell you like

cocksstrideintheevening · 30/07/2023 14:34

Are you in the us by any chance?

Aprilx · 30/07/2023 14:34

Do you know what I thought you were going to say? That your husband was disappointed you didn’t make more effort with your appearance. I don’t know which is worse, well I do actually, I think this is worse. Your age difference (at your young age) is also quite concerning. You need to run because this is going to escalate.

Curseofthenation · 30/07/2023 14:42

He's ridiculous. Don't bin your clothes, bin this man child and start wearing your crop tops and skinny jeans again!

Imagine having a daughter with this man. Would you allow her to live this way? Probably not. So why are you standing for this shit?

TastelessMiserySand · 30/07/2023 14:42

THIS WILL ONLY GET WORSE.
Sorry OP but as others have said, get out now, before you have kids with this man. Listen to those women who have experienced this before you.
10 years from now, when you look back, please let it be from a place of true happiness and equality in whatever life awaits you. Sending hugs xx

ThatFraggle · 30/07/2023 14:44

I know people jump on it, but age gaps are often because he knew only a younger, inexperienced woman would put up with his BS. How old were you when you started dating?

wizzbitt · 30/07/2023 14:48

I agree with all of the above. I hope you realise that none of his behaviour is ok. How old were you when you started dating?

Piggyplate · 30/07/2023 14:49

Look up coercive control and see what other things he does and you may not realise. You can wear whatever you want it's your body not his.

I didn't see it for 13 years with mine. I was 15 when I met him. Thought it was normal.

Seriously get out now

ADHDGURL · 30/07/2023 15:38

Run. Now.
This will get worse .. you are only 21, he will ruin the Best years of your life if you stay with him.
Listen to the advice above. I wish someone had told me. 🙏

FictionalCharacter · 30/07/2023 15:42

I voted yabu = yabu to apologise.
You know you have nothing to apologise for.

Loulabelle1234 · 30/07/2023 15:44

Massive Massive Red Flag. Please leave this man, you may not realise it but this is abuse.

StarlightLady · 30/07/2023 15:48

In those circumstances, next time I went out I'd wear a sheer top without a bra.

CoffeeLover90 · 30/07/2023 15:50

What they said ^

And when you can afford to get a new wardrobe, make sure it's skinny jeans and crop tops. In fact through in some of those skinny shorts. You must have a nice arse if he's telling you to cover it.