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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let DS do this extra curricular activity?

29 replies

DianaLu · 30/07/2023 12:43

DS wants to start diving (the one where you dive off a diving board) and our closest pool with diving boards is 40 miles away. He's really upset because I have been trying to encourage him to find something he would be interested in (has shown very little interest in anything active) and he finally did and I've said no! I do feel mean but that's very far isn't it? Do any of your DC do activities that far out? I've suggested swimming or gymnastics as alternatives and he doesn't want to

OP posts:

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 30/07/2023 12:46

40 miles? So basically a 2 hour round trip? No way Jose. You could be Tom Daly and I would be encouraging the knitting not diving in that scenario.

the cynic in me says he’s not interested in diving at all, but has picked the one thing he knew you would say no to, so when you try and get him to do something else he can say “but I wanted to try diving and you said no…”

Crumbcatcher · 30/07/2023 12:47

Has he picked it because he knows it's impossible to go? Does he already do and enjoy swimming?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 30/07/2023 12:49

YANBU. It's too far, and also rather dangerous.

I suspect the fact that it's impossible is part of his reason for wanting to do it.

Amniceandgenuine · 30/07/2023 12:50

Can he get a train ?

Original poster

DianaLu · 30/07/2023 12:51

To be honest I am not sure if he was aware how far out the pool was or not before asking me. He's a good swimmer but doesn't do any sort of swimming club and hasn't since he did the whole learn to swim program but we do go to the regular pool every now and then. It seems like every preteen boy I know is very active and loves sports and then there's my son! I don't want to sound horrible but he is very lazy and I mean it in the kindest way... moans if I park too far from a shop entrance never keeps up with a normal family walking pace hates pe at school and I'm often called about him refusing to do it and of course he picks the bloody diving. Maybe he was perfectly aware actually

OP posts:

WhateverMate · 30/07/2023 12:53

I have been trying to encourage him to find something he would be interested in (has shown very little interest in anything active) and he finally did and I've said no!

Hmm if he's shown very little interest, perhaps he suggested diving because he knew you'd say no?

WhateverMate · 30/07/2023 12:54

Cross posted!

How old is he OP?

Reugny · 30/07/2023 12:54

Does he know anyone locally doing it so he can lift share, so you only have to do half the trips?

The point being if he is as lazy as you say then when he has to walk to a training mates house he won't do it so will drop out.

AnSolas · 30/07/2023 12:55

Tell him he has to do a year of daily swim club and other training before you commit to trying weekly a 40m drive.

If he can manage that you could consider it.

2reefsin30knots · 30/07/2023 12:57

I'd suggest he does swimming club and trampolining for a year. If he sticks those two out for the full year, say you will then take him for some diving lessons.

RedHelenB · 30/07/2023 12:58

I'd let him try it. If he's really lazy he won't want to do it for long!

Notimeforaname · 30/07/2023 12:58

Tell him he has to do a year of daily swim club and other training before you commit to trying weekly a 40m drive.

This is a good suggestion. Even if you said a few months, rather than a year, youd find out pretty quickly if he actually wanted to do it. But then you'd have to be ok with driving there in case he does commit.

2reefsin30knots · 30/07/2023 13:00

You don't go from zero to daily swimming club in one go. It would start out as a couple of times a week. I would stick a weekly trampolining lesson in with that.

Original poster

DianaLu · 30/07/2023 13:01

He's almost 12. Didn't think of trampolining I'll suggest that one and explain its very relevant so if he has no interest in doing that at all that it's pointless anyway.

OP posts:

suitcaseofdreams · 30/07/2023 13:05

My 12 year old plays a niche sport - we travel 43 miles each way for training twice a week and further for matches at weekends. It’s a massive commitment, both in terms of time and money. But he’s passionate about his sport and that makes it worth it for me at the moment.
Could he ‘trial’ the diving for a few weeks before committing? Then you’d know whether it’s something he’s really going to stick at and be passionate about….

MsMarple · 30/07/2023 13:05

Could you look for one day taster type things in the holidays? I know it’s still a long way, but as an occasional thing would it be ok? Either he’ll decide it’s not really for him after all, in which case you’re free, or if he loves it you can take him now and then.

Cakeorchocolate · 30/07/2023 13:13

How often would he be doing it?
What are the cost implications of letting him try it? Other than fuel and wear on the car.

Could it be something you let him try that he may realise very quickly he's not interested in?

Would public transport be an option to get there if he did try it and like it, in the future at least if not now?

Cakeorchocolate · 30/07/2023 13:14

To add, if you say he's lazy and not active then I think allowing him to try this if you can manage it, physically and financially, would surely be a good thing.

Original poster

DianaLu · 30/07/2023 13:15

They are actually offering a diving camp this summer holidays for kids who haven't done it before. Maybe I see if there is space on that but then what if he does actually like it... I would have to start taking him, wouldn't I? It would be once a week for him atm as he is just starting

OP posts:

MadeForThis · 30/07/2023 13:25

What made him pick diving?
Does he think there is little or no effort involved?

MsMarple · 30/07/2023 13:30

Take him this holidays and see if he does like it before you start worrying about what-ifs. In any case, you wouldn’t have to do anything.

My kids love ice skating, but we don’t have the time/money to do it regularly during term time as it’s a long drive away, so we go in the holidays. Obviously they won’t make it to the olympics this way… but the chances of that are pretty slim anyway. Activities don’t have to be full-on or nothing.

Beautiful3 · 30/07/2023 13:53

I'd take him a couple of times during the summer camp, hopefully that will satisfy him. I wouldn't want to turn it into a weekly thing during school time. The distance and time would wipe out your Sat/Sunday

TooBored1 · 30/07/2023 14:35

IF it's something that he enjoys and actually commits to, then I don't think it's too far no.

One of my children had training 4 days a week. We actually walked there, but took 30 mins each way, so 4 hours each week.

Drama was only once a week but a 20 min walk each way, then hanging around for 90mins before walk back.

BlossomCloud · 30/07/2023 14:51

2reefsin30knots · 30/07/2023 12:57

I'd suggest he does swimming club and trampolining for a year. If he sticks those two out for the full year, say you will then take him for some diving lessons.

This is what I would do.

Neverseenbefore · 30/07/2023 14:59

Trampolining is a good shout. My DD was scouted for diving at primary school and she did do it for quite a while. Nothing like 40 miles away, though. Trampolining is part of the training.

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