To keep quiet about pregnancy on holiday

[HappyRoleyNorrieBettyTag]

early in first trimester. We have told our families basically straight away with previous pregnancies (we have 2 DCs) but

this was very unexpected, I still feel like I’m trying to get my head round it and would like to keep it to myself for now.

the dilemma we are having is we are going on holiday tomorrow with the whole extended family. Over ten of us including kids, grandparents, cousins, aunties etc. we are staying at my parents house.

I don’t really want to drop the bombshell on holiday, or just before (there are 100 reasons having another baby isn’t a great idea for us at the moment but also plenty of reasons this is good news too). However it is inevitably going to be difficult to explain when I turn down a glass of wine in a bloody French vineyard.

not going to lie I’m 32 and don’t want to tell my mum 😂😂😂

WWYD?

(posting in Aibu for traffic because, you know, off tomorrow)

YANBU, but also, one glass of wine in a vineyard is fine, if you want to

You don't have to tell them.

You can be feeling a bit off colour, you can accept a small glass and then not actually drink it, you don't need to explain yourself. I think we feel like there's a big flashing sign about our heads when we're pregnant. There isn't.

Tell them you have a UTI and you better not drink any alcohol because it'll make it worse.

You could always do the old "I'm on a antibiotics" and make up some ailment. Not ideal and depends how good an actress you are (or how perceptive your family are).

How long are you away for and how are you getting there? I had this dilemma years ago when pregnant and pretended I had a killer hangover from the night before the holiday (DH was driving us there so i could feign the hangover easily). Obviously that meant any drink offered over the next couple of days was refused bar one that I took a sip of and then pretended it made me feel sick again.

After that I did have half a glass most nights but then we made sure both our glasses were right next to one another and DH would sip from both. He definitely suffered for the cause that year!

considered it but thought the antibiotics excuse was basically code for “I’m pregnant” these days 😂

And yes @Whataretheodds I love that description - I feel like I might as well be wearing a sign

I agree about accepting but not drinking. People notice if you say no.

I wouldn't bother saying you're on antibiotics. There are lots of other ways of saying you're not feeling great which cover a multitude of early 1st trimester symptoms/restrictions which don't scream 'I'm pregnant'.

Having said that, depending on your family, they may hear "I'm on antibiotics' as 'I'm pregnant but not ready to tell you that yet". You'll know better than us whether they'll respond in a helpful way.

It’s up to you, obviously, but I can’t see that telling family about your third pregnancy is going to be any kind of ‘bombshell’ (unless here’s a huge drip feed coming about the reason you say having a baby now isn’t a good idea, like you having to halt chemotherapy while pregnant?)

Don’t people just say ‘Congratulations!’ and get on with their day? Why would it be a ‘bombshell’?

If you prefer to conceal it, it’s easy enough. I didn’t tell anyone, including immediate family, that I was pregnant until 19 weeks (because I was having treatment for a potentially serious condition and it might have meant termination), and got through two big family parties, one of which involved a long weekend away, without anyone noticing. I just drifted about with a glass of wine that I put down somewhere, or DH drank it at intervals.

I'd do a tactical "emergency GP appt today" (thank goodness 111 were able to help) and newsblast to the biggest mouth in your family. Lots of 'so relieved' you could get an appt because you were worried you wouldn't be able to go on the holiday....

Of course it's a horrible pack of lies which I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with but depends how much you want to keep your 'secret'. Also depends how much you would usually drink on holiday. If you're usually rolling round on the floor after 3 bottles of wine, everyone is going to assume you're pregnant if you're not drinking or only have 1 small glass regardless of what you say.

You’re better saying very little - from what you’ve said it’s unlikely they’ll be on the look out or suspicious.

Or stick a neon sign on your head saying PREGNANT!!

Just tell them op

Not planning on drip feeding anything.

like I said there are many reasons it’s not a great idea and many that it’s wonderful news

it’s more that my family are very opinionated. They WILL tell us exactly what they think, good or bad, and I cannot be dealing with that right now. They are wonderful but we are very much a “no holding back” kind of family

I just want some time to process it all myself rather than let other people’s opinions influence how I feel. My husband agrees

I managed to get through my BF 40th by accepting drinks but not actually drinking them. No one really notices another person drinking although turning one down is quite conspicuous!

Could your husband help empty your glass?

Don't tell them. And don't do excuses. Just say you're not up for whatever activity it is, and if they want to speculate, let them.

If they are rude enough to say it directly to you, just hard stare & don't answer.

I do like the suggestions of “accept and tactfully put down the drink” - would t have thought of that

might couple that along with “too much sun” if we go out for dinner and I’m feeling rotten

thanks all

Fair enough! I quite get why you wouldn’t want to spend your holiday being harangued.

Then I suggest my technique, which worked flawlessly — no announcements about antibiotics etc (you might as well get a T-shirt that says BUN IN THE OVEN), and just having a glass of wine in your hand at times when you would normally be drinking, and your DH on hand to drink it/remove it discreetly if you aren’t always able.

Hi @HappyRoleyNorrieBettyTag congratulations on your pregnancy xx
I totally understand, i would need time to process it all before telling anyone.
You could say you're on a strict diet and have to stick at it that will hopefully get you out of not having to drink the wine.
Have a lovely holiday xx

Can you be the designated driver for the vineyard trip at least?

And congratulations!

Remember that in France there will be loads of amazing smelly cheese which isn't pasteurised and is rinded. And charcuterie. Just keep an eye.

I meant I would volunteer but they live on a vineyard so think they’d see through it 😂

*mean

and thanks @Whataretheodds but I am vegetarian and defo not a smelly cheese sort of person 🤢 so at least nothing to be suspicious of there

looking forward to a massive baguette though

Ah, that helps! No well-done steak to give you away!

You had a UTi you are on antibiotics and it was so painful you don't want to risk it. Job done.

Just accept the wine and have a sip. Put down. Pass to DH.

Or just drink the small glass of wine (if you want to) and leave it at that. It’s honestly not an issue and you will not harm your baby.

if anyone tries to pressure you to drink more, say you have had too much sun/feeling dizzy

any medical issues or tales of antibiotics will scream pregnancy