Stop being shitty

[weneedhelpandlove]

Has anyone else noticed how horrible people can be on Mumsnet. It's so frustrating to see. Literally every single post I have seen where a mum is asking for some advice or support, someone out there has to be a complete arsehole to them. What is happening to the world? Why does it feel nice to some people to belittle and be just damn right rude to anyone. This site is for mums to support mums. Majority of us come here in a vulnerable state asking for help. When did being kind and understanding become a rare quality!

Sorry just a rant.

Have a lovely day

There’s the tail end of a nasty thread in Relationships at the moment. An obviously upset and vulnerable woman wanted advice and she got a lot of supportive advice which clearly bolstered her resolve. She posted that she was following that advice and how she was going about it. There is now a run of very aggressive comments absolutely bollocking and sneering at her for not following the advice in a very specific way that they define to be the correct way. It’s unpleasant in the extreme.

Oh yes I can definitely agree that there are some genuinely kind and lovely people on here. Just from experience it's quite upsetting when the not so nice people plaster a post. Perhaps I'm too sensitive.

Some people are genuinely just cunts and they are so miserable that they like to inflict it onto others.

Others think they are so superior that they can't possibly get their heads around other people reacting to situations differently to them or having a different income or home life.

No it's not just for mums.

The tagline is something like 'By parents, for parents'.

But either way, there are tonnes of topics on here that don't involve parenting, so it's a bit more of an 'all round site', if you see what I mean?

This may be the same post that prompted me to write this one.

I've offended a PP a few messages up by saying this site is for mums to support mums. To clarify to avoid offending anyone else, I will rephrase, this site is to support people. A mum can be defined in many ways and I am not invalidating anyone else who comes to this site. My meaning for this message is to say that kindness and empathy is hugely important. Nomatter what someone writes on here, we have no clue what is going on behind closed doors. So words can be more damaging then people think. So kindness goes a long way.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to this and again apologies if I made anyone feel negatively

I apologise for writing another one. I genuinely haven't seen another post about it but I didn't mean to cause frustration.

I don't know what SN is? I'm terrible with technology! But if you have time I'd love to know. Thank you

@WhateverMate

Absolutely. I rephrase to people supporting people. Many apologies

Being devil's advocate but wasn't the slogan for MN by mums for mums. Not that child free people shouldn't be on here but I'm sure that was the idea

Just to rephrase. It's a site for people to support people. Many apologies! Terrible writing on my part

An awful lot of the threads are troll threads written to wind people up. Typical subjects are benefits, young mums, unwanted pregnancies etc, and then a lot of the posters replying are trolls too! Basically it's troll central.

Ad to that the fact that a lot of posters are actually nasty then it all ends up as quite a toxic place.

It's a shame as there are so many genuinely helpful, kind and knowledgeable posters.

This was me being naive. I think seeing mums being shouted at via this app stuck in my head and it prompted this post. I've reworded now saying people supporting people.

'Parents', not 'mums'.

Although I can never remember if it's 'For parents, by parents' or 'By parents, for parents'

I genuinely didn't know that. I must be super late to the party here as I didn't even know trolls where a thing. Thank you so much for your input and I agree, some people are wonderfully helpful!

Parents or mum's it doesn't really matter as people have pointed out, there's a child free section. Maybe it was that when first started but I'd different now, anyone know?

Mumsnet has been troll central for many years unfortunately.

Mainly because members are allowed to name change, so they can be shitty in one name (within talk guidelines) and absolutely lovely in another.

It's a problem that's never going to go away because name changing is crucial to a lot of people, who don't want to be outed in real life.

It’s a strange one, I’m sure most don’t come on here with the intention of being nasty, but see how others interact with each other and adapt to fit in. I’ve noticed myself being unnecessarily shitty at times. It’s pretty horrible.

Mainly because members are allowed to name change, so they can be shitty in one name (within talk guidelines) and absolutely lovely in another.

It's a problem that's never going to go away because name changing is crucial to a lot of people, who don't want to be outed in real life.

This is so true, though it gets me that they always announce name change🤨

Sometimes though, you don’t help someone by supporting them, you actually make it worse.

I do try to be constructive when I post, but there are times where people looking for “support” are infuriating, and where (IMO) it would be more helpful to say “stop” or “no” or even “what on earth are you trying to achieve here?”

When people assume every post is in AIBU and respond with aggressive undertones.

Then people point out it's posted in relationship, Chat board etc but people still pile on the aggression.

Some people are simply mean and nasty. I suppose if you are that way inclined, doing it online is pretty easy.

I agree. I have read MN on and off for years and overall there seems to be more frequent abrasive or plain nasty responses. I never start a thread but I have been hassled for some of my comments. That upset me at first but now I just shrug - they don't know me, so it's not personal- and tell myself they're the ones with the issues. I ignore all notifications that I have been quoted unless I feel 'strong' enough to receive criticism - though the vast majority are actually supportive.

SN = Special needs
SEN = Special educational needs

Model what you'd like the world to be as best you can.

You may find yourself on your own at the time, but you may be surprised at the influence still doing it anyway, has on others later.

We can't change the world, but we can do a lot to help shape the corner of the world we're in by our own behavior.

It doesn't mean we always must be kind, or tolerate others unpleasant behaviors.

A mum can be defined in many ways and I support all

It’s not just for mums. Lots of childfree people here and they have just as much right to be here.

God, yes. This is so much more vicious than anywhere else I post online. And so much petty faux-concern or pretending not to understand things which is almost nastier than the direct rudeness.

AIBU is the worst for it. Doesn't matter what you did, if you're the one posting then you'll be savaged for your actions. I swear literally the same scenario could be posted by both parties and they'll each get savaged in their own post!

I do think some people are just arseholes. I think a lot use the anonymity to be much harsher than they would be in real life. Some people are just dicks who say offensive things to stir the pot.

But…. How many times do you read on here about a woman who works full time, does all the house work. Partner has cheated/goes to strip clubs/talks to other women etc and they’re pregnant with their second/third child. Drives me nuts. And they always seem to say, he’s a good dad. Except he’s not. He’s an abuser and they’re asking for advice that they’ll then totally ignore and start arguing with people trying to offer genuine help and support. Sometimes I write stuff and delete because it’s too harsh. Sometimes I post out of pure frustration of them asking and then ignoring everyone