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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit shocked at my friend's attitude to being late to pick up her son from school?

48 replies

ghosty · 26/02/2008 21:11

In the 3 years that DS has been at school I have been late once and that was only because I couldn't find my keys as I was leaving. I phoned the school and asked them to hold on to DS in the office and I would be there as soon as I could. They said no problem and said I wasn't the only mother to do this, they had similar calls nearly every day. My main worry was that if I wasn't in the playground DS would be worried.
Anyway, yesterday I was in the playground waiting and my mobile phone rang. It was a friend of mine who has a son in Year 4. It was 3.35 - 5 minutes after the bell went. She said, "Oh dear ... I am in the CITY (20 minutes away) and I have just looked at the clock and have seen that it is 3.30 . Can you grab XXX and hold on to him until I get there?"
Now I understand that you can get stuck in traffic and that you can lose your keys or your car can break down or whatever ...
BUT ... To be 20 minutes away and look at your clock and realise that the school bell has gone is a bit much isn't it???
She was lucky I was there - I could easily have gone by the time she rang.
As it was we were late for DS's swimming lesson because she didn't turn up until 3.50.
She is a good friend but has only just joined our school ... is this the shape of things to come?
Thoughts?

OP posts:

edam · 26/02/2008 21:13

Oh, I wouldn't judge her as a bad mother based on one mistake. If it turns into a habit, that would be worrying...

Lulumama · 26/02/2008 21:13

i;d wait and see if this becomes a pattern, and reserve judgement until then

time can run away with you, and embarassment might have made her giggle nervously

Heated · 26/02/2008 21:14

Next time you see her, say it was a good job you were there and not at swimming which is where you are usually at that time of day. Has she got the school number in case of an emergency?

morningpaper · 26/02/2008 21:16

I've forgotten school pickup a couple of times

I should really wear a watch...

I just get engrossed in something else

Original poster

ghosty · 26/02/2008 21:16

True .. yes, you are both right ...
I was just a bit shocked because of the 'Oh I just looked at the clock .... '
I was wondering if I am unusual in that I am always aware of the time when it comes to school pick up? Doesn't everyone clock-watch?

OP posts:

Original poster

ghosty · 26/02/2008 21:17

Ah, I see that MP doesn't ...
Maybe it's me then

OP posts:

yurt1 · 26/02/2008 21:19

I clock watch because if I'm not in when ds1's bus arrives tthe transport department say that they'll take him to the police station (he would LOVE it!). I'm so terrified that I'm obsessive about getting back on time.

Othersideofthechannel · 26/02/2008 21:19

Does she work? I try to clock watch at the end of the day but sometimes get engrossed in things and my colleagues tell me I'd better be going.

nooka · 26/02/2008 21:35

I am always late to pick up my two if I go in to work I just find time has run on without me noticing it. One minute I have 5 mins before I need to leave and then next minute it seems I am 5 mins late and have to run to the train station and miss the train and then ring up the school secretary and grovel... Now I have fixed it so that I work from home on the day I pick up the kids, and even so I often am running up the road . Time management is NOT my strong point

Original poster

ghosty · 26/02/2008 21:50

No she doesn't work ...

OP posts:

MorocconOil · 26/02/2008 21:56

I clock watch but I'm often a couple of minutes late, usually because I stop to chat.
If she's not working she hasn't really much of an excuse.

dingdong05 · 26/02/2008 22:06

You can't judge based on one event. If it happens again then maybe say something.
I know that I often laugh at myself sometimes, especially when I do something outrageous like that, so perhaps you shouldn't assume the giggle was flippant.

WallOfSilence · 26/02/2008 22:07

"If she's not working she hasn't really much of an excuse."

Why's that then?

Spidermama · 26/02/2008 22:09

I can imagine doing something like this. I wouldn't expect a friend to wait in the playground. Bugger that! I'd ask them to take my kid home with them or drop him at someone else's house and I'd pick up from there.

Spidermama · 26/02/2008 22:10

Some people are just naturally less organised and more scatty than others. If it happened again I'd be worried, but I think with a one off you have to give her the benefit of the doubt.

hippipotami · 26/02/2008 22:15

Oh give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps it was the first day she had had to herself in ages and decided to do a bit of shopping and got carried away...

I was once late collecting ds (year 2 at the time) one hot summers afternoon as I had fallen asleep on the sofa

When I arrived the TA smiled at me and whispered I was not the first mum to do that!

As for the not working meaning she has no excuse - what a load of twaddle. She may have poorly relatives to look after, volunteer at a hospice or charity shop, all manner of reasons why non-working people do not spend all day sitting on the sofa waiting for school pick up time.

pedilia · 26/02/2008 22:17

I don't think the comment about her not working is very fair. That does not mean she has no other commitments. Having said that I am alsways concsious of the time for school/nursery pick-ups.

I have been late for DS1 on 1 occasion, once when I caught the bus into town(last time I go green) and the bus for the return journey drove straight past me at the bus stop, I immediatly rang the school and collected DS from the office, I was 10 minutes late. I was mortified.

MorocconOil · 26/02/2008 22:17

WOS, Because when you are working it is really hard to get away sometimes. When you're a SAHM the focus of your day is the children. Isn't it?

WallOfSilence · 26/02/2008 22:20

What makes you think that?

The sole purpose of a SAHM isn't to focus on the kids...they are allowed to do thing for themselves you know.

mrsruffallo · 26/02/2008 22:21

mimi- I think that is unfair and over simplifying.
Yes, they are your focus but you do other things and can get caught in traffic, run out of time etc.

nametaken · 26/02/2008 22:22

Why does everything on mn turn into a SAHM v WOHM debate. Can't we just accept that some women are arseholes regardless?

Ghosty - your friend is taking advantage of you and will do so again. I would leave your mobile turned off between 3-4 in future if I were you.

BananaPudding · 26/02/2008 22:32

It seems some people just don't see it as a big deal if their kids have to wait a while for them after school. A while back I was in the city with my SIL (45 min away from home) and had resisted going to eat out as I was worried that I wouldn't have enough time to get dd after school. At one point I said "We'll need to leave at xx time for the school run" (we were driving together and she has 3 kids) to which she got VERY blustery and grumpy and said "Of course, because it would be SO awful for dd to have to wait a little while with the other children. Don't worry, we'll make sure WE are sitting waiting for HER."

Cue red mist. DD is 6, she doesn't need to be sitting at school waiting 30 minutes for me, especially when I have not warned her I may be a few minutes late getting her.

Yes, things happen and everyone is late sometimes.

MorocconOil · 26/02/2008 22:34

Yes ok, I'm over symplifying and generalising. I'm not a particularly organised SAHM but it's important for my DC who don't want to be left last at school, and for the staff who want to get home to be there on time. It's just about consideration for others really.

marmadukescarlet · 26/02/2008 22:34

I don't think she is an arsehole for being late, she is maybe disorganised?

pedilia · 26/02/2008 22:47

Being a SAHM does mean that most of my day is focused on DC's and around school runs etc BUT I do also have other things to do during my day.
I have 3 horses, run our own business( I do my bits from home) and generally a life!
I am organised because I have to be and I prefer it that way but that doesn;t mean things don't happen that re out of my control.

I once rang my friend to pick up DS1 for me (her son in same class) as one of my horses was seriously ill and I was caught up with the vet, I have done the same for her on occasions.

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