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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit shocked at my friend's attitude to being late to pick up her son from school?

48 replies

ghosty · 26/02/2008 21:11

In the 3 years that DS has been at school I have been late once and that was only because I couldn't find my keys as I was leaving. I phoned the school and asked them to hold on to DS in the office and I would be there as soon as I could. They said no problem and said I wasn't the only mother to do this, they had similar calls nearly every day. My main worry was that if I wasn't in the playground DS would be worried.
Anyway, yesterday I was in the playground waiting and my mobile phone rang. It was a friend of mine who has a son in Year 4. It was 3.35 - 5 minutes after the bell went. She said, "Oh dear ... I am in the CITY (20 minutes away) and I have just looked at the clock and have seen that it is 3.30 . Can you grab XXX and hold on to him until I get there?"
Now I understand that you can get stuck in traffic and that you can lose your keys or your car can break down or whatever ...
BUT ... To be 20 minutes away and look at your clock and realise that the school bell has gone is a bit much isn't it???
She was lucky I was there - I could easily have gone by the time she rang.
As it was we were late for DS's swimming lesson because she didn't turn up until 3.50.
She is a good friend but has only just joined our school ... is this the shape of things to come?
Thoughts?

OP posts:

SparklyGothKat · 26/02/2008 22:54

I was 10 minutes late picking up my kids once, I also fell asleep on the sofa. I got there to DS1 being comforted by other mums, because he was in tears, thinking that something had happened to me, because I am never late

MorocconOil · 26/02/2008 22:55

Yes I agree pedilia that life takes over sometimes. I think the issue is that the OP's friend was obviously not in an emergency situation. On the occasion you rang your friend, was it five minutes after pick-up time, or did you give some notice?

purpleduck · 26/02/2008 22:58

I try to cram as much housework important duties in during the afternoons, so I often push how late I can leave. I am sometimes late, but then letting out time is 3.05, but very rarely do they get out the door anywhere near that time.

At least she called you ....
if she had just left him, THAT would be a cause for worry

LyraSilvertongue · 26/02/2008 22:58

I was once very late picking up DS1 and was mortified.
I'd taken DS2 swimming and we were ambling along to school afterwards when suddenly I saw all these parents and children coming out of school 10 minutes early. I asked one of them why they were out so early and it turned out my watch had stopped and I was 10 minutes late and still five minutes from the school. I literally ran the rest of the way (with DS2 in his buggy).
I'm not generally the most punctual person in the world but I hate to be late picking up DS1.

peacelily · 26/02/2008 23:00

Everyone can be scatty and make a mistake, give her the benefit of the doubt but yes I'm afraid I'll get flamed for this if you're a SAHM, and your kids are in school, that gives you 6 hours to do all your stuff!

You have the choice to make your lives as busy as you want if it makes you too busy to be on time for school runs then what the f**k are you doing!?!

peacelily · 26/02/2008 23:01

And before I get jumped on I'm tallknig about the Mums who have a CHOICE, not the ones with special needs dcs,elderly parents who need extra support or those with difficult social circumstances.

LyraSilvertongue · 26/02/2008 23:06

I have a friend who does nothing all day and still she's always late. Time just runs away from her. Some people are naturally like that but it doesn't make them bad people.

MotherFunk · 26/02/2008 23:08

Message withdrawn

pedilia · 26/02/2008 23:11

mimi- yes I take your point, I rang her about half an hour before as soon as I realised.

mrsruffallo · 26/02/2008 23:11

sigh, I can't even be bothered to argue peacelily.
The woman was late once.

brimfull · 26/02/2008 23:18

Maybe she was having mad passionate sex with someone

marmadukescarlet · 26/02/2008 23:19

misnomer perhaps, mrsr?

Pixel · 26/02/2008 23:24

Lyra, I did that once, it was awful! I was in the queue at the Co-op with baby ds in his pram when I glanced up at the clock and realised my watch had stopped. I was miles away from the school and ended up being 40 minutes late even though I ran as fast as I could. Poor dd was only in reception at the time and looked very forlorn sitting in the school office. I've been paranoid ever since about getting there on time.

peacelily · 26/02/2008 23:30

Sorry probably being a touch judgmental, PMT and a few glasses of wine.

I do actually agree anyone can make a mistake forget the time etc.

Sorry for being an arse

Original poster

ghosty · 26/02/2008 23:32

Hey, easy does it MotherFunk ... (if your post was directed at me .... )
I was not judging ... I wanted thoughts on the situation because I personally wouldn't 'just notice the time' at 3.30 if I was in town. That's just me.
The title of my post was "Am I being Unreasonable to feel a bit shocked at my friend's attitude to being late picking up her son from school'
Not "Am I being unreasonable thinking my friend is an arsehole lazy arse SAHM swanning around in town and forgetting the time so she was late picking up her son from school" ... which is what you seem to think I meant by my OP.

I am not sure how this turned into a WOM v SAHM debate either ...

Anyhoo, I wasn't judging like I said, I just wondered if I was being unreasonable to be shocked.

I'll get me coat ..

OP posts:

LyraSilvertongue · 26/02/2008 23:47

YANBU Ghosty. If I go into town (ie central London), it's constantly on my mind that I have to leave by xx time to get the xxpm train to leave xx minutes to get to the school.

MotherFunk · 26/02/2008 23:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster

ghosty · 27/02/2008 00:13

Right. Good. Fine.

OP posts:

Original poster

ghosty · 27/02/2008 00:14

OP posts:

Flllightattendant · 27/02/2008 06:32

If she does it again, just say you will levae him at the office as you have to be somewhere. Thatw ay he will be safe and she might not take you for granted again.

nospringchicken · 27/02/2008 09:21

These things happen but i must say I've never been caught out by the "didn't notice the time" scenario. Once, half an hour before nursery pickup I noticed I had a flat tyre. Wasn't at home (could have walked to get ds3) and it wasn't appropriate to leave the car where it was and use public transport to collect him (central London parking meter) so I rang another mum who luckily was able to collect ds and hold onto him for 45mins or so while i sorted out the car. Equally I've picked up once or twice for people encountering similar last minute difficulties. Though i would be peed off if someone did this regularly ! Some parents are always late and even if their dcs get used to being the last one left at collection time, it's discourteous to the staff imo always to be late by 10 mins or so. They must be oblivious to or uncaring about the value of other people's time.

Chequers · 27/02/2008 10:29

Message withdrawn

MotherFunk · 28/02/2008 01:29

Message withdrawn

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