To want to feed my own baby

[penguinmama1]

Probably petty. I'll keep it brief.

Is it unreasonable to want to feed my own baby her bottle? A few family members when we have been visiting (stepmom/aunt/mil/grandmother) have got the strop when they've been holding and cuddling my baby girl and I've asked for her back so I can give her a bottle.

"Can't I give it to her?"
"It's OK you can have her back straight after"
"No I can give it to her its fine"

Is the general gist. I just want to feed my own baby. I know I feed her most every other time, but my stepmom has a problem with her hands and the teat is never properly in the baby's mouth, my aunt tries to do the stupid hack balancing the bottle on her chin...why ffs...Regardless of this
I'm her mom and I want to feed her when I'm with her. Maybe they think they're helping.

I think the resistance to giving her back to me/doing what I say as her mom annoys me far more than them feeding her.

Petty? Aibu?

Not unreasonable. Just say 'oh thank you for offering, but I'll feed her just now'

Yanbu.

They should wait to be asked.

If they want to help they can go and wash some bottles.

Yanbu, it makes me twitch watching my husband feed my baby sometimes though!

The guidance now is that parents should limit the number of people that feed newborn babies, I think to help with bonding with the primary caregivers.

I mean it kindly. My child is 5. And I won't hold or feed a bottle to another child. Unlikely for a ling time, who knows when. It them have a go, just one more time. Xxxx

Sorry for typos. Mortifying!

Well, up to you, but in my mind, that is one of the advantages of bottle feeding over breast feeding, that it isn't always down to you.

Doesn't make you 'unreasonable' but you are making a different choice from me, and most other people I've ever come across that bottle feed their babies.

Is your baby a newborn and your PFB?

It's how you feel, it's part of your bonding time with her.

I hated other people pushing the pushchair even my older DC.

Not unreasonable at all!

The only person other than me and OH who have fed our baby is my parents, and that’s because sometimes they will look after her if ive got an appointment or need to go shopping whilst OH works etc!

I’ve fallen out with MIL because she tried to take baby from my arms because she wanted to feed her! I agree though, it’s the not listening to you as babies mum which is the worst, and that annoys me the most! If I say something or ask for my daughter back, give me her back! 🤦🏼‍♀️

Prepare the bottle & leave it in the kitchen whilst someone is holding her. Then take her off for a nappy change & sit down to feed her when you come back.
If you get comments - oh I wanted to feed her - you reply I am feeding her thank you. You can have another cuddle when she's finished.
And you do not let anyone take her from you.
Keep doing it & they'll stop expecting to feed your baby.
As long as they still get cuddles they can't moan.
Ultimately she is your baby so your rules.

Feeding your baby (bottle or breast) is a really important bonding stage and it’s better for development whilst they’re young to keep it to just mum/parents only. I’d absolutely be saying no - bottle feeding doesn’t give people a free pass to takeover.

They're babies, not dollies. So don't play bloody pass the parcel with them. Feeding, whether by breast or bottle, should be a time of calm, for the baby, and the parent.

I had a baby 7 weeks ago and when the health visitor was here she told me it should only be mum or dad who feed the baby (I’m in ireland so I don’t know if this is a common thing or not) so absolutely and even if that wasn’t the case it’s still up to you completely!! It’s your baby so don’t be afraid to say no. My sister was here when the HV said that and I was so glad because she told my mum who would’ve been a nightmare to try and explain that too had my sister not have heard the HV say it.

for the record, anything to do with your baby that makes you uncomfortable is a no no. My MIL at a football match recently just said oh I’m taking the baby for a walk around the pitch when he was about 3 weeks old. I said no way and had no issue saying it. Honestly do not ever feel bad for taking control of your decisions for your baby x

That's why I breastfed.

Drives me bonkers when well meaning relatives don't listen to what the mom says/wants. It's your baby so you make the rules.

YANBU

I find it so weird when people do this. Feeding the baby is meant to be done by the mother. Yes its nice if bottlefeeding means dad can share in that parental bonding but it doesn't need to be routinely extended to anyone on hand.

Seems like an unnecessary rule really.
Honestly you see so many new mums these days influenced to make these arbitrary hardline line rules like no visiting until X weeks, no giving baby a bottle, no holding baby, only cook for mum and empty her bins etc. then they are all overwhelmed, tired and stressed 5 months in when the reality of doing it all and refusing all help has set in.

It’s a good thing to accept help and have a support system. People love feeding babies, it’s human nature. It’s lovely so many people care! You need to relax.

How often are people round? Surely you're doing most of the feeds?

PFB by any chance? Surely you’re doing the majority of the feeds yourself, how often are people visiting? It’s nice to let grandparents and aunties/uncles feed them now and again. How would you cope if your baby had been in NICU and you didn’t know who’d be doing the next feed when you weren’t there - and you hadn’t even got to do the first few feeds yourself, whether they were tube, bottle or cup feeds, and other people held your baby before you finally got to at 3 weeks? That was our situation and we still loved our parents and brothers to feed our DD when she came home - as a result she has a lovely bond with them all and is very close to them all because they had that involvement in her life right from the start. But we are her parents and of course she’s closer to us than anyone, even though other people gave her her bottle. DH and I have both fed and changed my best friend’s DD since she was a couple of weeks old, she’s now 18 months and loves us looking after her but if we’re out with her parents, it of course hasn’t ended up that she wants us over them - but she will come to us to look at a book while her mum gets a hot cup of tea or go for a walk round a shop with us or whatever while we’re out with her and her parents. I don’t see what harm it can possibly do!

I’ve seen how damaging it can be in families when the grandparents aren’t allowed to do anything for the baby and I just think it’s so unnecessary. It never used to be like this years ago. Even my mum has given my best friend’s daughter her bottle and my brother has helped me look after her. Life is too short to be so precious about things - surely having a good support system is a good thing.

Real helpful!!

Yanbu

I didn't manage to breastfeed successfully for various reasons despite trying so hard and I was really gutted about this - when I started bottle feedings others wanted to do it and I really didn't like watching them do it and at first I let anyone who asked, but I felt like feeding my baby was my job as mum, and watching other people feed my baby made the breastfeeding failure (my view of myself at the time) feel even worse.

I then read advice from nhs that if bottle feeding it's best for just one or two people to do it to help baby feel safe so after this I did all feeds myself unless I was asleep, until very recently (baby 6months old). I think the advice I read kind of validated me.

I then said to others holding him to just give him back to me when it was time to feed, when they asked if they could do it I firmly said 'I'll do the feed as I know what pace he needs it at but you can help burp him after' (if I was happy for them to burp)

If anyone gives you shit just say he's not a Dolly he's a little person who likes to be fed at a certain pace by a familiar person it helps him feel safe, so I'll feed him but you can.... (make me a cup of tea? Bring me snacks? Fill up my water please?)

Agree

Luckily you were able to breastfeed.