No to a girls day out in a family holiday

[AnaJane1]

My DH and his 2 children, their spouses and boyfriends, are all coming on holiday with us for a week in a villa in France. We will be driving while everyone else will be flying in.
Recently there have been a few instances where we have either been ignored or not invited to occasions with his children and a recent funeral, my DH and I were completely ignored by his DD.

it’s been mentioned a couple of times that “we girls should have a day out” and I really don’t want to as I feel generally unwanted and used only for driving purposes.

I should mention that we have paid for the villa and expect no money from them.
Our background story is that we both had an affair and left our marriages to be together, which happened 25 years ago.

Am I being unreasonable in saying no to the girls day out?

I wonder whether the DiL is either trying to give her DH and your DH some time alone together to have a chat, or whether she’s concerned that there’s going to be an atmosphere so is hoping that you and your Step daughter will be so distracted chatting to the grand children and having a nice day out that you’ll get on ok with each other?

What has been happening to cause the deterioration in the relationships? It could be the affair from 25 years ago, but it seems like something else is going on. It would be strange to go from talking to each other and inviting you to barbecues, to ignoring you at funerals and withdrawing invitations. If there genuinely isn’t more to it, then they shouldn’t be accepting a free holiday.

OP, please can you expand on some of this its exasperating pulling info out like blood out of a stone, none of this makes any sense

Ah. The DiL is desperate for some adult time away from her small children. That's all it is.

In which case my gut feeling is that OP and SD should indulge this, no matter how they personally feel towards each other.

The rest of the situation is above my pay grade.

DiL seems to be trying to build bridges, probably to improve the overall atmosphere for her own DH. If DD isn't keen, then this is misguided and it will be an awkward failure. I'd say no OP. You're not 6 year olds who will be fine if made to play together by a trip to the park. Any bridge building with DD needs to be between the two of you OP with both committed to it. Your Dil is well meaning but naive.

Maybe there are 5 going? Op dil plus dd plus 2 adult grandchildren-maybe also the female young children

Then it would be far nicer overall with lots of people to chat to.

I don't understand why you are going on this holiday at all to be honest.

When the DIL suggested a girls day out which included DD and 2 granddaughters, no response was made.

Sounds like a great holiday. But honestly, this might be make it or break it so do what you can to get along then at least they can’t put anything on you.

Do you think they only want you there to drive? Don’t you drink and that is why?

DIL must feel horrible if noone responded whatsoever..

What was your response?

Will DD definitely even still come if she’s blanking you? Who would go on holiday to actively ignore the hosts?! Baffling. That’s not enjoyable for anyone.

You are paying for it and she is blanking you? Noone seems to want to do this holiday. It’s just sad. But it looks like it’s already been decided that there will be no girls night out, so it’s probably not something you have to think about. You are giving little information, it’s difficult to tell you what to do.

Well this sounds like it's going to be a fun holiday .

Why not build a relationship with DIL ? It sounds like she is trying to mend fences and hasn't any in built animosity towards you. I'd reply that it's a nice suggestion and you're up for it if DSD is.

Even if t doesn't happen, I'd suggest making a real effort with DIL and her DCs. She can potentially soften DSS.