Husband gone out for drinks after work, battery on mobile ran out at 7.30 pissed off

[chocolateanddietcoke]

Just pissed off about it

I've had our son 7am - bed and he's already woken up twice

It's my last day of mat leave, son vomited a few times in the day and a bit under the weather

I knew he was going out but just think it's pretty shitty to be out of contact when we have an 8 month old baby whose unwell. Not sure how he'll get home without battery now as public transport is coming up to stopping where we live at this time.

Why do men get to opt in and out of parenting?

Don't even want to see him when he gets back (promised owildnt be late as my parents over tomorrow for the weekend)

Fed up

Aibu

Absolutely, I wasn't saying he sounds like a bad man, just thoughtless really if he is so unappreciative of weekends away (which to many people are a huge treat / luxury, not just for parenting reasons but financially too).

And that I can totally empathise with the OP that it's not as simple as just leaving them for every breastfeeding mother. Indeed I thought it would be easy to pump and leave bottles etc before I had kids. For me it didn't work as easily as that and I don't know what was worse, the exhaustion and feeling trapped or it being another thing I was doing 'wrong'. 'Why can't I express much, why does everything we try to get them to take a bottle just lead to screaming, how come other mums just breeze through this? Where am I going to find time to try expressing again when DD seems to feed constantly' etc. Can you tell I hated the newborn days and just have huge empathy for OPs exhaustion!?

Also, end of maternity leave is an emotional time, having ill babies is hard work and worrying, it sounds like she's been looking forward to seeing her parents but it's being spoiled by everything. Of course OP is being a bit unreasonable in a way, but I think that's understandable.... And it wouldn't hurt her DH to be a bit more understanding of that or appreciative of his comparative freedom.

Hopefully though op, if you are going back to work you will be getting used to being away from the baby and also between work and probably gradually phasing out the breastfeeding you'll stop being 'default parent'.

I wouldn’t be happy with someone who had very little sleep and full of alcohol looking after my child, he would definitely still be drunk.
So I think OP did the right thing by sending him back to bed.

I would absolutely cancel the visitors though.
I’m sure they don’t want to get V&D either.

You are being totally unreasonable.
Firstly cancel your parents if your child has D & V
Secondly your husband is entitled to a planned night out.
Thirdly you are also entitled to go out but are choosing not to go out.

@chocolateanddietcoke

this OP
when you go out for the evening with pals surely you don’t wanna be disturbed either unless it’s an emergency?

@chocolateanddietcoke

if that’s the only option then do it! Enjoy a night out with your pals drinking cocktails and leave baby with dad
it’ll likely do you the world of good

What a fuss about nothing. Why can't an adult have a night out without all this handwringing.

@Mayhem3

he wouldn’t have been full of alcohol at that point

nowhere has op said he was massively pissed

op is tired every day but still manages to look after child

what I’m saying is that op should have handed baby over to him and took herself out for a few hours chill time

let it go. You will encounter bigger issues

Yes, in a nutshell.

I think you’re being a BU and most likely it’s because you’re exhausted

This! If your parents are coming can they help take care of the baby whilst you sleep to catch up.

What is happening with feeding when you go back to work?

This.

Just cancel your plans, stay at home, look after your child and rest.

Days of illness and no sleep can be absolutely brutal but it isn't your husbands fault your baby has D&V and being angry with him will not make anything easier.

If you resent your husband every time he's not (reasonably) around to help you deal with parenting challenges then you are going to find the coming years very hard.

I don't think your DH has done much wrong.
You sound a bit of a martyr to be honest and create barriers where there are none to you having some time to yourself.

So you went him back to bed. You shouldn't rherefore include this in your list of complaints.

Your son has been ill again this morning so cancel the visitors. When your husband is up later go back to bed. And forget everything else and rest. If you choose not to then that's on you and noone else.

You say he didn’t argue when you told him to go back to bed …. don’t tell him that and expect him to say “oh no I’ll stay up” … be clear with him!

Also if this is your last day of maternity leave I assume you will already have a stock of breast milk for whoever will be caring for your child anyway.

Yabu. From what you've said, doesn't sound like he goes out a lot and he got up to help this morning, you then sent him back to bed and then complained he went. I'm bfing my 6 month old and if I have a poo explosion or DS is screaming and won't settle, and DH comes through, you bet I'm going to say yes help me. If I call him through, he's there too. You can't send him back to bed then moan he went back to bed.

Yes, it's exhausting. I get that. Give baby a big feed, hand baby over to DH and go out for an hour or two. Local cafe, a walk, or even some time alone in a different room (I'll grab a coffee, go into the bedroom and just read or write my book). You can still give yourself a break, op.

He's gone out. His phone has run out of battery were you intending on calling him all night ?

Leave him alone he's an adult. On a night out

If there was an emergency you could contact one of his friends. You are being silly

Im going to have to pump for nursery

My son doesn't eat solids very well (still only a few mouthfuls a day) and is on the 2nd percentile we are under the HV and doctors for his weight

I don't have a huge store of BM as I've spent 4 months pumping to give him a bottle a day to try and get him on bottles well for nursery.

BF wasn't really a choice, he would never accept formula and it took months to get him to take a bottle due to his fluctuating but always below 2nd percentile weight it wasn't something we could just hold off feeding him until he accepted formula

I can't cancel my parents and they'd already left at this point as we live as far apart as you can in the UK

Accept I was probably OTT but I just am fed up: I'm starting work Monday on no sleep as DS hasn't slept longer than 3 hour block since birth. I'm tired and frustrated

And let's face if I'm sure MN will disagree but most childcare does fall onto mum.

Hopefully you can grab a nap before DP arrive (or after if needed) - everyone would understand if you said really sorry I'm so tired as was up in night & this morning, please excuse me for an hr as I will nap/shower and just take a moment. Then do that, and try to enjoy your parents being there - hopefully they'll help this weekend and you can get yourself ready for Monday - good luck! Let DH pick up the slack with food/sorting, even if it ends up being takeout - remember it's ok to lower you're own expectations of yourself after having babies - this was hard for me and a real adjustment- don't try to do too much & go with the flow a bit as you need to. good luck & try to enjoy your weekend regardless, don't let this spoil it for you - you can't change anything now, you can only make the most of where you are now

@chocolateanddietcoke

“And let's face if I'm sure MN will disagree but most childcare does fall onto mum.”

ONLY IF YOU LET IT

which you are.

Why on earth didn’t you hand baby over to your husband when he got up this morning and got yourself some rest?!

Fair enough he doesn't go out much and he wasn't ridiculously late but not going out with a charged phone is bloody annoying plus you're tired and fed up and probably feeling anxious about Monday.
Get him out of bed and moving and hoping you can have a bit of a rest

It sounds like you're sleep deprived, exhausted and anxious about returning to work.

Your dh didn't really do anything wrong except you're jealous of his ability to have a break and misery loves company.

He doesn't sound like a bad husband or dad, despite what some pp have said. I think you need a proper conversation, not an accusatory one, to see if you can both figure out a way to make things better.

I think it is gone to be out of contact for a few hours. You are at home babysitting the kids so they should be fine.

You need to prioritise your sleep as work will be very difficult otherwise.

I would go to bed as early as you can during the week.
Then your DH can deal with the baby until he goes to bed and then when you need to get up to BF you’ll have already had some undisturbed sleep.
It will feel like all you do is sleep and work but it will only be for a few weeks until you’re back into the routine of work and your baby sleeps better.

My friend and her DH had shifts.
He’d do 6pm-midnight and she’d go bed early.
Then she’d do midnight-6am and wake early whilst her DH laid in.
It meant they both had 6 hours of sleep a night and everything else became easier.

I would focus on weaning/formula feeding though.
My DD rarely slept and I was up almost every hour BF her. As a single parent I struggled with PND and almost put her into care as I just couldn’t cope.
But once she went on formula she woke up much less because she wasn’t hungry and wasn’t feeding for comfort and everything got so much easier.