Page 2 | Husband gone out for drinks after work, battery on mobile ran out at 7.30 pissed off

chocolateanddietcoke · 2023-07-28T22:44:58+00:00

Just pissed off about it I've had our son 7am - bed and he's already woken up twice It's my last day of mat leave, son vomited a few times in the day and a bit under the weather I knew he was going out but just think it's pretty shitty to be out of contact when we have an 8 month old baby whose unwell. Not sure how he'll get home without battery now as public transport is coming up to stopping where we live at this time. Why do men get to opt in and out of parenting? Don't even want to see him when he gets back (promised owildnt be late as my parents over tomorrow for the weekend) Fed up Aibu

Basilthymerosemary · 29/07/2023 07:33

chocolateanddietcoke · 29/07/2023 07:19

I BF son so I haven't actually gone out for longer than 3 hours at a time. I've left him for 3 times over in total.

DH said he's not been out since DS has been born...... which is right except the 2 weeekend stag dos he went on 🤦‍♀️

Unfortunately that is one of the drawbacks with breast feeding...baby is always with you. If you need more time away from baby...try combi feeding so husband can look after and feed baby and you go and book yourself into a lovely spa for a few hours.

It does get better.

Original poster

chocolateanddietcoke · 29/07/2023 07:41

Thanks, unfortunately son refuses formula so if I did go out it would be reliant on me pumping loads which feels counter productive for relaxing!

OP posts:

MammaTo · 29/07/2023 07:53

I think sometimes it’s more that they can zone out of family life and enjoy being social. I have a 7 month old and we’ve both had nights out separately but I found my brain was focused on home and I was keen to get back home to help with the baby even though my partner is perfectly capable and was encouraging me to chill out and enjoy myself.
But he can go out all day and night without a shred of guilt, whereas I feel awful - it’s a very weird adjustment.

GoodChat · 29/07/2023 07:55

I think it's fine him going out but it's not fine him coming home and waking you all up.

What time are your parents due? Can you get him up at 9 then go and nap for a couple of hours?

Auntieofdragons · 29/07/2023 07:59

He’s been on 2 stag dos and one night out in the last.. what? 9 months? You have one child who was a bit sick (not a 2 person job). He came home at 1, tried to get up with the baby but you decided to let him lie in. He’ll get up and be tidy later. He’s not ‘opting out of parenting’, he’s having a night out. You not wanting to pump and leave your son is your decision and even if it wasn’t, it’s not your husband’s fault.

I breast fed. I just pumped every now and then and kept a store in the freezer. My husband knew how to defrost etc. it didn’t take a lot of planning if I want Ed to go out for the evening.

NioNioNio · 29/07/2023 08:00

Unless regular pattern he doesn't sound that bad if two stags and yesterday are they only big nights he has had whilst on your mat leave assuming that's a 6-9 month period .

Also if he does his fair share normally..... however it is tough and tiring for you

Endlesssummer2022 · 29/07/2023 08:02

So he’s been out 3 times in 8 months, 2 of those being stag weekend that he would have been obliged to attend. That doesn’t sound bad. Think you’re being a bit dramatic.

tiggergoesbounce · 29/07/2023 08:06

Yes, it is tiring and can feel relentless with a baby, but it doesn't sound like your DH has done much wrong.

He went on a planned night out, got up in the morning to help, and will tidy up when he gets up.

Im assuming your visitors will be being cancelled if your child has D&V. So you can go and snooze when your DH comes down

Simplelobsterhat · 29/07/2023 08:12

Endlesssummer2022 · 29/07/2023 08:02

So he’s been out 3 times in 8 months, 2 of those being stag weekend that he would have been obliged to attend. That doesn’t sound bad. Think you’re being a bit dramatic.

I don't think you can count it as 3 times as the stags were entire weekends! Hardly the same as 3 individual nights out.

I'd be furious if someone who had had 2 full weekends away in 8 months claimed they hadn't been out at all! Nothing wrong with going, but that's a huge luxury when you have a baby and shows he doesn't appreciate that he got to do that if they don't even count in his head. I'd be really upset if I'd parented solo for 2 weekends and presumably he'd spent a load of money to then fund he didn't even count or remember doing those things. What was the point? And no, stag dos aren't obligatory. It's the lack of appreciation not the going.

This one night out alone doesn't sound so bad but yes it would piss me off if my DH was uncontactable for so long when a child was ill in particular, and coming home that late with visitors coming. All little things but add up to seeming thoughtless. You've been a bit of a martyr telling him to go back to bed but then complaining he did though. I'm guilty of doing that myself sometimes I know! I don't know why I do it.

I sympathise about the breastfeeding op. Mine wouldn't take bottles for ages, and even if they did I found expressing really hard. However, how will you cope going back to work if this is your last day of maternity? I had to really force the issue with mine before I went back.

pictoosh · 29/07/2023 08:18

I don't think your dh has done anything wrong tbh.

Endlesssummer2022 · 29/07/2023 08:18

Simplelobsterhat · 29/07/2023 08:12

I don't think you can count it as 3 times as the stags were entire weekends! Hardly the same as 3 individual nights out.

I'd be furious if someone who had had 2 full weekends away in 8 months claimed they hadn't been out at all! Nothing wrong with going, but that's a huge luxury when you have a baby and shows he doesn't appreciate that he got to do that if they don't even count in his head. I'd be really upset if I'd parented solo for 2 weekends and presumably he'd spent a load of money to then fund he didn't even count or remember doing those things. What was the point? And no, stag dos aren't obligatory. It's the lack of appreciation not the going.

This one night out alone doesn't sound so bad but yes it would piss me off if my DH was uncontactable for so long when a child was ill in particular, and coming home that late with visitors coming. All little things but add up to seeming thoughtless. You've been a bit of a martyr telling him to go back to bed but then complaining he did though. I'm guilty of doing that myself sometimes I know! I don't know why I do it.

I sympathise about the breastfeeding op. Mine wouldn't take bottles for ages, and even if they did I found expressing really hard. However, how will you cope going back to work if this is your last day of maternity? I had to really force the issue with mine before I went back.

Show quote history

I don’t think he sounds like a bad man, and it doesn’t sound like he would stop OP going out. She doesn’t want to go out because she doesn’t want to breast pump. Nobody’s forced her to sit at home for 8 months.

I don’t like this notion that parents can’t have a life after a baby. Two of his friends got married and he was invited to their stags and that should be held against him? If OP is tired, postpone the parents. Have a chill out day whilst the DH has the baby.

FrenchandSaunders · 29/07/2023 08:26

blimey doesn’t sound like he goes out much at all! Just because you don’t, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t.

I get the tired and pissed off bit with a sick baby but that’s not his fault. Start going out more yourself!

pictoosh · 29/07/2023 08:27

Did you seriously expect him to come home because his phone ran out of charge?

FrenchandSaunders · 29/07/2023 08:27

As for the phone battery … why would you have been contacting him? Unless emergency.

SunRainStorm · 29/07/2023 08:31

You're tired so you're allowed to be unreasonable.

I don't think DH has done anything terrible.

Why did you tell him to go back to bed? Don't be a martyr if you need to sleep. You should have handed him the baby and gone for a nap. If wants to be grumpy around your parents later then let him.

If the baby is 8 months you should be able to start going out, presumably he's eating food now? Just feed him before you go and if he gets hungry DH can give him some food.

Make sure you get your own time out and then you won't need to feel resentment

Oblomov23 · 29/07/2023 08:31

You choose not to go out of an evening because you are bf'ing? I went out, when bf'ing ds1 and then ds2. That's your choice, so don't blame others, own that choice.

ParisP · 29/07/2023 08:33

He doesn’t go out much then by the sounds of it. Best cancel your parents today if the baby is poorly. You can all rest this weekend.

ActDottie · 29/07/2023 08:36

He’s out for the evening and you agreed to it and now complaining!

unless this is a regular thing you can’t really complain

Mayhem3 · 29/07/2023 08:36

I think you’re being a BU and most likely it’s because you’re exhausted.

I wouldn’t expect to come home before midnight if I was going out.
It doesn’t sound like he goes out every weekend and like myself, if you don’t go out often you want to make the most of it.

Its not his fault his DS is sick or that his phone died (I would have been annoyed out of worry as to how he was going to get home).

As a PP said I’d cancel your parents coming as your DS is poorly and you don’t want to pass it on.

Then I’d chill out in front of the TV as much as you can whilst DH is sleeping and then I’d wake him up and go back to bed yourself.
Even if you can’t sleep, just relax.

Then tomorrow take the entire day to get prepared for Monday when you go back to work as this is probably why you’re so emotional because you have anxiety (I don’t blame you).

How will your DS be fed when you’re at work? Does he take a bottle?
If so then make sure you’re also getting time away from your DH and DS to social and have fun.

Peony654 · 29/07/2023 08:37

If it’s an occasional thing, you need to chill out. Everyone (even parents!) are allowed to have fun. As can you! Obviously different if this happens every Friday or something

ZolaBudd · 29/07/2023 08:38

Yabu

BravoMyDear · 29/07/2023 08:40

chocolateanddietcoke · 29/07/2023 07:17

Update - got back at 1

Argument was that DS hadn't been sick again so what was the problem?

Didn't get to sleep finally until 2 as DP woke DS when he got in.

Son woke at 6am today so I've had 4 hours sleep. Brought him downstairs and 5 mins later he's diarrhoea shit all over the living room floor and his playmat

DH did get up but didn't argue when I said go back to bed. I know he'll be shit with my parents who we see every 6 weeks if he's knackered. Can't tidy the guest room as he's asleep in it at the mo (I kicked him out to co sleep)

I know he'll get up and tidy the guest room and clean the bathroom

But now I'm knackered all day and no one cares it feels like

Just feel taken for granted

Why on earth did you tell him to go back to bed?

Cancel visitors & stop being such a martyr.

PoliticallyIncorrectHitchling · 29/07/2023 08:46

He deserves a night out as do you. Do you get time away from kids to do your on thing as well?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 29/07/2023 08:47

Your baby shouldn't be around other people when D&V is present, go with 48hr rule, no visitors for 48 hrs after v last out of D or V.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 29/07/2023 08:48

I think you're being a bit over the top to be honest. He's not opting out of parenting just because he went on a planned night out with his mates, or because he's been on two stag weekends in eight months.

Unfortunately breastfeeding is restrictive but that's not his fault and he shouldn't be made to feel guilty over a choice you presumably chose to make.

A baby with sickness and diarrhoea isn't pleasant but it doesn't require both parents. If I were you I would have let him get up with the baby and gone back to bed - not sure why you insisted on staying up when he got up to help you?