Can I just be sad for a minute? About weight loss…

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

So I was obese, probably morbidly at the end.
I’ve tried diets before and if I looked at my weight, I would obsess of every gram, so this time around I just figured that I start with eating less and exercising and try and not be too harsh (hasn’t worked 100%) but I’m figuring it out.

Almost year later, I’ve lost a lot, I’m not ’normal’ looking, again no idea about actual weight - sorry this is so vague, but I’m not just a massive, shapeless ball of grease anymore.

So now to the disappointment:
I look like shit.
Like god damn am I ugly.
Truth be told I never expected I’d turn into a pretty woman, but looking into a mirror just makes me want to cry.
Saggy pouches everywhere. Just fucking everywhere.
I’m not kidding, it’s so bad.

And it really has discouraged me.
I’m still ugly and I can’t even just eat what I want (I’m emotional eater) 😭☹️

And I know I’m supposed to say that I did this to be healthier, but that’s a lie.
I wanted to look good for once in my life.
I’ve always been chubby, fat or obese and been ugly because of that.

I’m just being sad and venting for a bit.

Sounds tough

Make up/hair/new clothes.... might lift you a bit?

Very few people are really ugly. I'm sure you're being much too hard on yourself because you're disappointed that all your work hasn't given you the results you want and probably feel you deserve.

Is your emotional eating connected with how inappropriately hard you are on yourself?

I think as women we are programmed to feel shit about our looks no matter what.
Too thin, too fat, too saggy and finally the one thing we can't really escape from unless we die young...too old.
I am sure you look miles better but can you get surgery for loose skin?
Hardly anyone looks like Naomi Campbell so concentrate on your healthy body instead of the way it looks 1st.

Keep going. When I’ve lost weight in the past there’s always a phase where I’ve looked worse (because everything sags) before I’ve started to feel better and look better.

You sound like you've got dysmorphia to be honest

No one is ugly and lots and lots of us who have lost a lot of weight have saggy bits, wear clothes to disguse them

I will never wear short sleeves or no sleeves, my arms look deformed but no one sees them, so I dont care

Similar with very very wrinkly tummy and thighs, I actually look like a big white walnut, its quite fascinating, but no one is going to see that and Im happy with what I see in clothes

Overall though my main joy is seeing my blood pressure results, no joint pain, no snoring, walking around easier and Im hoping with my next set of blood tests all sorts of improvements will be made

I'm pretty sure you aren't ugly, op. Don't be so hard on yourself.
And you're healthier now, it certainly hasn't been a wasted effort.

That's a lovely, kind post.

Firstly, give your body some time - at least a year after you stop losing weight and start maintaining - to deal with your skin, as it will tighten up to a degree.

But really it sounds as if you might benefit from some therapy to reconcile slim you as you are in reality with the fantasy you that you held in your head of what slim you would look like.

It sounds like you've done amazingly well, so don't let the negative voices send you off course.

Could it be that you have been an emotional eater because you’ve always (wrongly) believe you are ugly? You have been self-sabotaging and overeating because at least then you can blame the additional weight for not holding up to this imaginary standard you have of what is “beautiful”?

you know, most people are not classically “beautiful”. But most people have something really attractive about them that others can see in them. Without this magic happening, the human race would die out!

I think you should explore the reason behind your overeating all that time. There is usually an emotional reason. Happy relaxed people don’t overeat. People overeat because they are unhappy in some way or mega stressed and giving themselves an easy treat to make themselves feel temporarily better. There are very few people who overeat because they are hungry for the extra calories.

Is your emotional eating connected with how inappropriately hard you are on yourself?

That is actually a damn good question.
I barely notice when I’m being hard on myself and I have never thought I’m being inappropriately hard on myself.
I just see it being honest.

Thank you for this question, I think I’ll bring this up with my therapist actually.

Your skin will ping back to some degree &
your body will thank you with every step
and you’ve achieved something that so many of us struggle with - you should be holding your head up high! Congratulations ❤️

Have you thought about taking up gymming or weightlifting or even walking to appreciate your body a bit more? It's not for everyone but it helped me when I was in a similar place. 💐

Similar with very very wrinkly tummy and thighs, I actually look like a big white walnut

This is me / where I’m heading.
I’m laughing and crying at this comment!
Thank you for your post.

Keep going. When I’ve lost weight in the past there’s always a phase where I’ve looked worse (because everything sags) before I’ve started to feel better and look better.

Thank you.
This is actually very reassuring.
It’s akward right now, since I’m clearly still overweight, but soft/saggy at the same time.
Fingers cross this part right now is more temporary, worst of both worlds, maybe…

OP you need to quit the pity party. I say this genuinely from a place of caring, as someone who has also been varying level of obese and overweight since childhood and not very good looking regardless of weight. Start valuing yourself on other things (like your achievements) and learn to make peace with your appearance. Life is too short to waste it lamenting over the fact you’re not one of the pretty girls. It really is a choice. Congratulations on your weight loss and your healthier relationship with food

This x100

I bet you aren't. I don't think there are any people I see who I think are ugly . Everyone has some lovely features.

You sound like you are very hard on yourself

You appear overly harsh in your criticism of yourself and while beating yourself up, you're never going to see or feel the positive benefits, which is a shame, because it takes a lot of effort to lose weight and keep it off, and you're not giving yourself a pat on the back for your efforts.

I bet you wouldn't be so harsh to a friend if asked what they looked like following weight loss, so why do this to yourself?

Some most people have things they'd like to change, or wish looked better/smaller/plumper/less wrinkly etc, but it's not all consuming. It'd be a good idea to explore why you are so down on yourself and try to turn this around.

Think more about the idea of being “attractive” rather than “beautiful” or “pretty”. The fact that your weight loss means you’ve probably got more energy and are able to move more easily is attractive in itself. are you snoring less? That’s a win for any partner (and if you’re sleeping better then that will reflect in your face too).

if your blood is flowing around your body more easily and you’re eating better then it will all show in your general health and appearance. You’re just not seeing those things in yourself.

Hi!

I do know I over ate to numb myself, I have genral anxiety.
And food consoled me.

Could it be that you have been an emotional eater because you’ve always (wrongly) believe you are ugly?

It’s impossible to see myself not ugly.
I have talked about this in theraphy, she told me that I am totally normal looking human being, but I just can’t hear it or believe it.
I could list out everything that I find ugly about myself, but it would fill up the internet.
I have tried to be at least more neutral about my looks, but they I get angry at myself for not being able to do that!
Isin’t it crazy?
I do turn all my emotions to anger and aim that anger towards myself.

“I could list out everything that I find ugly about myself, but it would fill up the internet”

why do you bully yourself so much? You are your own bully. Stop that.

OP, are you doing any exercise? Like light weights, squats, etc. That will tighten things up a bit. For the face (if that is a concern), facial massage a few times a week is nice and helps. I like Tanaka which is available on youtube.

I've just lost a lot of weight and also thought I'd look better but I look a bit worse 😩
So instead of getting down I've been and had my haircut,painted my nails for the first time in years ,sorted out the eyebrows and joined a gym.
I'm actually enjoying the exercise way more than I thought and it's giving me a bit of a goal.
I'm going swimming for the first time in 20 years tomorrow x
Don't give up just try to find the motivation to tone up a bit x
You got this 👍🏻

Ooh Matt Damon is talking to me ☺️!

Yes, my parent who live very near by have a fitmaster and a crosstrainer, I’ve been using those.

Thank you Matt 😁!

Hmmm well OP this is nothing to do with weight loss really is it

This is just about self loathing, whether you were overweight, normal weight or underweight

And your rational brain knows the wway you see yourself surely cannot be accurate but your emotions and sub concious are telling you something different

Definitely something for your therapist

You do sound body dysmorphic actually. Your thought processes about your appearance aren’t normal. I guess you know that though and are just trying to figure a way through things.

Potentially exercise could be great do you. Weights etc could build up muscle definition so that your loose skin isn’t as noticeable.

come on, OP, you are doing great. You just need some confidence, some vim and vigour, some va-va-voom! 😁. Look at larger women in the the public eye like Lizzo, I couldn’t take my eyes off her at Glastonbury, I’m pretty sure she wasn’t thinking about her floppy bits. You’ll get to know what type of clothes you can wear to hide the areas you feel insecure about.