Can I just be sad for a minute? About weight loss…

[CantAskAnyoneElse]

So I was obese, probably morbidly at the end.
I’ve tried diets before and if I looked at my weight, I would obsess of every gram, so this time around I just figured that I start with eating less and exercising and try and not be too harsh (hasn’t worked 100%) but I’m figuring it out.

Almost year later, I’ve lost a lot, I’m not ’normal’ looking, again no idea about actual weight - sorry this is so vague, but I’m not just a massive, shapeless ball of grease anymore.

So now to the disappointment:
I look like shit.
Like god damn am I ugly.
Truth be told I never expected I’d turn into a pretty woman, but looking into a mirror just makes me want to cry.
Saggy pouches everywhere. Just fucking everywhere.
I’m not kidding, it’s so bad.

And it really has discouraged me.
I’m still ugly and I can’t even just eat what I want (I’m emotional eater) 😭☹️

And I know I’m supposed to say that I did this to be healthier, but that’s a lie.
I wanted to look good for once in my life.
I’ve always been chubby, fat or obese and been ugly because of that.

I’m just being sad and venting for a bit.

I sympathise with you so much. I have never really liked the way I look: I've been overweight most of my life and even at my thinnest I was very curvy, so I've had to choose all my life between covering up and looking shapeless, or wearing something more fitted and revealing more than I'm comfortable with. And post-childbirth and with some peri weight gain I am really quite repelled by how I look if not covered up. I try not to let it stop me doing things. But it takes away the joy.

However - as others have said I've never looked at someone else and thought "she's ugly". This is a me problem. Maybe I will lose some weight (once the hormones settle down?) and maybe I won't, but for now I just have to tell myself that the people who matter don't think I look ugly and the rest don't give it a thought...

I'm so sorry that you are having a tough time.

there are a couple of threads that might help a bit? There was one in weight loss chat about the unexpected benefits of weight loss. A lot of it was really good fun and it might help you focus on the benefit of what you've achieved.

there are also some lovely threads in Style and Beauty that discuss things that people are doing to make themselves feel just that bit better about themselves.

Feeling ugly can be a really sad and lonely emotion and I've felt it many times. But there's a saying that you don't have to believe everything you think or feel! It really is just a sensation of unhappiness and it will pass if you don't cultivate it.

Toning up etc is good advice but since your emotions are involved, a couple of suggestions for that side of things:

For fun maybe try an exercise in which you ask (a spiritual figure or the universe or if that sounds cringey, just ask) for healing and peace for all people who are experiencing sadness, or self-hatred, or who are feeling ugly or anxious or angry or worthless. Because it's never just you, a lot of people will feel that way. Another thing worth a try is when you're walking down the street, look at all the people you pass and just think kindly "may you be well". It's a small thing but it opens the heart and helps turn your experience of suffering into one of empathy, which in turn helps you feel more connected and less alone.

Another great thing is some kind of grounding body work like tai chi or yoga. Gentle stretches. Being where your feet can touch the earth, being around trees, flowers, water, whatever you enjoy. Renewing your energies and getting out of your head so you aren't just feeding on your negative thoughts.