I don't know if I'm very intelligent

[dudummm]

I've just been away on a work trip where I attended a few meetings with colleagues and I've just come away feeling so dumb.

I'm in a customer facing / business development type role in the tech sector and have recently started a new job.

I just don't know if I've got it in me. I remember as a junior going to meetings like this with other people new like me and they always seemed so in control of meetings and able to just harp on about stuff. I find it hard to follow conversations about things and products I don't fully understand. But I feel like colleagues are just able to chat about things so confidently ( even when they're not experts themselves on the subject ).

I always feel out of my depth, even when I've actually been at a company for a while. I'm starting to think I'm just not that smart or my brain is broken or something.

I have degrees and stuff, but I just don't think I'm quick / able to grasp things as fast as others do.

Does anyone else feel this way ? How do I go about getting help to get better, without looking stupid ?

Empty vessels make the loudest noise.
Don't doubt yourself OP.

I just ask questions about everything when I feel like this. People like to talk about themselves so let them and learn what they have to say. You're not thick you're just inexperienced in a new field.

What is it you feel incapable of? Is it the actual knowledge you lack, or an ability to talk knowledgeably about it? Or just running a meeting?

This is what I did. But I was even worried they were silly questions etc. it seemed fine. A couple of times I had to explain my question a bit better, that kind of thing and sort of stumbled a bit. My mind goes blank under pressure etc.

Have you ever heard of “imposter syndrome”? A LOT of people, usually women, suffer from it. You are definitely not alone in thinking that you are in over your head and don’t belong where you are.
Are you also an introvert by any chance? Being surrounded by extroverts who think the sun shines out of their own backsides can be challenging!

That's the phrase I was scrabbling about for!

I like to ask seemingly 'daft' questions when people bang on like that and make them crystallise their point, and awful lot of people can't and are generally communicating through buzzwords and vague nonsense.

All of that ! When I run meetings on my own, sometimes I worry how quickly it will be out of my depth. But to be fair, when I manage the meeting, I do manage to steer it so that doesn't happen so much.

I am like this. I’m always doubting myself and whether or not I’ve understood something correctly. ‘The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.’

I think what I'm really saying is that I want to get better, but I'm not entirely sure how to do it.

Ok, so let's say you are slower on the uptake for new projects. So what? Those who are very quick with new concepts also tend to be the types who get bored more quickly, then they move on leaving a gaping hole. They also aren't so good at defining and running consistent processes. It takes all sorts to make a company, and intelligence comes in many forms. You've been hired for some skills, show off the things that you are naturally good at.

I was just like you OP. Then I had IQ tested it was 156. Then after a few years I realised I understood very well and that I knew I had more to learn and asked questions etc the people you described stayed as empty airheads filling rooms with noise and no substance

I read in a psychology report recently that the most humble person is usually the most intelligent in the room because they’re willing to hear other peoples perspectives and don’t think they’re above everyone else

It's that new job feelimg. Particularly if you haven't had much or any training and are expected to "fake it till you make it".

You said it yourself OP, it’s feelings not facts. It’s your perception and that can be changed so that your feelings better reflect the facts.

I relate and am going through something similar. I have to keep reassuring myself about everything, writing lists of past achievements as factual proof that I’m not the complete failure I feel.

I don't know why posters on MN have to insult people to make the OP feel better.

It's OK to be quick on the uptake. It's OK to need more time to delve deeply. It's OK to talk in meetings or stay quiet. The world needs all sorts and telling the OP that people different to her are stupid or vapid or empty is just silly.

OP, you're fine. People have different styles chairing or participating in meetings. As long as they work, it doesn't really matter.

I struggled with meetings so I did a brilliant facilitation course, learning & putting into practice all the techniques to run effective meetings. It was still daunting but it has been one of the most useful training courses I’ve done in the last 10yrs. It’s a skill like anything else you just need to practice. The other thing I’ve learnt is play to Your strengths know what you’re good at, find others who compliment your skill sets rather than trying to be good at everything.

Have you ever worked in a high finance environment? The OP describes to a T the nonsense that occurs there.

Sounds like a case of imposter syndrome to me. My guess is that you’re every bit as intelligent as your colleagues.

There's more knowledge available to you at the tap of your fingers than was available to the most revered scholars in history.

Knowledge is power

I don’t work in finance. But I am a senior leader in a big company and work with finance a lot.

A few weeks ago I sat in a meeting and felt similar. I just felt a bit thick. I asked a couple of questions and then solved the issue. Turns out that while I didn’t understand the things they were speaking about, the acronyms etc. But I did know what the process was and what it should be and I also knew my team produced the main tool for it.

The CFO was very happy and it helped me get support for a promotion. Turns out no one was thick, no one was as an ‘empty vessel’ we just work in different environments, different cultures, different language, different communication styles, different knowledge base.

Once I cut through all that, the answer was clear.

Just because you feel stupid, doesn’t mean you are. You doesn’t make it fact. Have faith in yourself.

I’m exactly the same OP. I work for a tech company. I’m not technical at all but work in a role that requires me to understand technical ideas/concepts and translate them into something more understandable - it’s tough! I feel like an imposter most of the time 😂

It’s totally normal (and quite a positive thing!) to feel out of your depth in a new job.

There’s no such thing as a stupid question, especially in the first few months of a new role. Embrace the curiosity and discomfort. Soon you’ll feel more comfortable, but you will never know everything!

I think working in tech, when you don't have that background is probably always going to make us feel like this. I've also moved around between different tech areas over the years and it does take time to get to terms with new technology and new teams you work with. Coupled with the fact that for the last couple of companies I just don't feel like I was trained very well. I just always winged it somehow and tried to rely on the technical people to help me in meetings.

I think the more I write and think, it's a lack of training or the training doesn't work for me so much. My training usually consists of me watching a bunch of videos on my own and trying to learn it.

I don't think that works very well for me. I need to work something out. In my new job, I've never seen the product live and talked through it with an engineer and asked all my questions. I've only ever seen it being used in training videos for example. I don't need deep product knowledge to do my job. But I've always found the most successful colleagues in my career, did know their stuff.

I often feel like the most stupid person in the room in meetings. I can't respond instantly, I get lost as to what the conversation is about. I have 2 degrees, my IQ is about 125 so I should be able to keep up. I often look around at the other attendees and wonder how they manage it. Sometimes it is a little bit of imposter syndrome in that I'll say something and my internal voice is saying 'ooh, hark at you with your business phrases pretending you know things' so instead of a statement it comes out more like a weak query.

I put it down to different processing. I am great at reading things extremely quickly, understanding them, and making fast connections to other areas of knowledge. I think I can do that better than anyone else almost in the company. I've been given a research and strategy element to my role to take advantage of that skill. In meetings I'll input when I am really sure I have something of use to add, and will ask the occasional question (but not so many I'll hold up those who are keeping up fine with the meeting).

Are you perhaps confusing intelligence and knowledge?

If you are in tech, you did well to ask questions.

Keep on asking how things work and why they work this way as opposed to another.

Then keep on doing small manageable parts of your job over and over again. Eventually they become second nature and you can move on to something a bit more complex.

Can I give you a tip, OP?

In meetings, ask those present to explain the acronyms they’re using if they’re not ones you’re familiar with.

So they’re bleating on going “the problem here is that there was a delay with the integration files and the PKL failed”.

You jump and say (in a light tone), “I’ve just joined and still getting my head around everything, can I just ask what PKL stands for?”

One of two things will happen-

Ideally-
They’ll tell you. You’ve increased your knowledge and have asked a good question that shows you’re interested and engaged.

Or… and this happens a lot more than you’d think… they don’t know what the acronym stands for. It’s just always been used and they didn’t ask when they joined. They know what it is but they don’t know what the letter actually stands for.

In my experience, they falter a bit, laugh, and say “oh, I’m actually not sure. We’ve always used it. Does anyone else know?” and this leads to a murmured conversation around the table with people trying to figure it out and admitting they also don’t know. They feel sheepish and a little embarrassed because they’ve had to admit they don’t know.

You are now the most intelligent person in the room 😁

Honestly, try it.

I learned this from my previous boss who is one of the most amazingly intelligent people I’ve ever met.